Screw It
by Senyor Fier Mensheir
Summary: One of the only two people left in an ending world. Given the chance to live again, what will Naruto do with his second chance, but this time as Uchiha Madara. !Unfortunately on Hiatus!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: If its Naruto, I don't own it. If someone else owns it, I definitely don't own it.

Warning: OCs OOCs Sues, and some crack. You have been warned.

Note: AU.

Note #2: Read Lost if you want something more serious.

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**Screw It**

**Chapter One**

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"Holy Shit!" one of the combatants shouted as he narrowly dodged an incoming projectile.

"Stand still and die already!" his opponent shouted in aggravation.

"No way in hell asshole!" the dodging combatant shouted in reply.

"Kuchiyose no Jutsu!" the other shouted as he slammed his palms down on the ground, the summon that appeared had thirty six tails swinging freely behind the rest of its body, it also had eight heads, eight different animals, the body the same, it sported a solid black coat, akin to that of the void.

"Kill that puny mortal!" its summoner ordered.

"Shit! Gotta run! Gotta run! Gotta run! Gotta run!" said mortal said repeatedly as he ran this way and that way on the barren battlefield that had drank the blood of many.

The running warrior was clothed only in his boxers, the rest of his wardrobe having been incinerated by the constant attacks of his nigh immortal adversary. His adversary being none other than Uchiha Madara, weilder of the ULTIMATE Sharingan, too bad the bastard only had it in one eye, the other one being in the possession of his opponent. The Uchiha's opponent was none other than Uzumaki Naruto, reknown prankster, and permanent genin, permanent since he kept missing the advancement exams, and the like, that and his village had already been decimated thanks to the combined effort of his present opponent, and the Rokudaime Hokage. He had been fighting for the survival of the rest of the world for the last two weeks, by every passing day that he fought, he didn't realize that his efforts were in vain, or maybe he had already realized this.

"Hey! Ya one-eyed freak! Before the world turns to dust, I'm taking you out!" Naruto shouted.

"When you are gone, the world will be mine to do as I please!" Madara said, lost in his own little world, unaware of the reality of their situation.

"We're the last two people in the world, and you still want to rule it?! What kinda nut job are you?" Naruto shouted as he once again narrowly missed an attack, or several.

"Die! Already!" Madara shouted from atop his summoned monster.

"Hey Dara-chan!"

"WHAT?"

"CATCH!" Naruto shouted as he flung Rasenshurikens at Madara, one after the other, the summon in an attempt to defend its summoner lost a few limbs, and tails while defending.

"SHI..!" was all Madara could say before he was cut into thousands of tiny little pieces, due to being hit by multiple Rasenshuriken.

Naruto after seeing his opponent finally defeated, plopped down on the ground, and unsealed from his boxers a steaming bowl of miso ramen and some chopsticks.

"Itadaikimasu!" he said before eating his meal, the first in weeks, the Uchiha's summoned monster remaining behind after the death of its summoner for some reason.

"So," Naruto said between bites, "Why're you still here?"

Instead of replying the massive beast exploded into chakra and smashed itself into Naruto, almost causing the ramen to spill, almost. Just as Naruto was about to take another bite of what he believed to be the FOOD OF THE GODS, he heard nine voices shout in his head.

'_**I DON'T WANT TO DIE!**_'

'_Que sera, sera, whatever will be, will be, the future's not ours to see, que sera, sera..._' Naruto sang in response, it was not like he could stop the world from ending. As he finally finished his last bowl of ramen in this life, he turned toward the sunset, and indeed it was setting. As the sun dropped out of sight, the world was covered in darkness, then there was nothing.

In the darkness a light suddenly shone, the light kept getting brighter and brighter, until everything as far as the eye can see was white. There was a single figure in the middle of all of it, he sat on the ground in his boxers beside an empty ramen bowl and a pair of chopsticks. Before Naruto could comprehend where he was, and realize the fact that he should be dead and possibly in hell seeing as he was in a completely white void with an empty bowl for company, another figure suddenly blinked into existence, Naruto literally blinked. From where once there was only him, there was now someone else accompanying him in hell.

"So..you hate hospitals too?" Naruto asked.

"Yep, but that's not why we're here," the other figure said, his features were indescribable, which made Naruto's brain a little fuzzy, every second that passed, it seemed as if he saw the figure for the very first time.

"So...uh...?" Naruto said.

"Right then, down to business I guess, unless you want to stay in your personal hell for a little bit longer?"

"Down to business."

"Great, first off, we ran out of space in limbo, heaven is out of the question, and hell was the only place that had free space. So," some folders appeared in his hands, and he shuffled through the pages, "Since you lived such a stellar life, the higher ups have decided to send you to another world, I mean fate and destiny made most of your life shit, but what a great ending no?"

"Yeah.."

"Getting back on track. Let's see," the figure looked through some more pages within the folders, "Aha! Found it!"

"Whatcha find Fushigi-sama?"

"Fushigi? Ah right, forgot to introduce myself, not that it really matters, so just refer to me as what you have dubbed me."

"Hai, Fushigi-sama," Naruto said.

"The higher ups have sent out an order to send you to a world very much like your own, in that world the one known as Uchiha Madara died after sending the Kyuubi to Konoha. The higher ups are sending you to that world, where you will assume the identity of Uchiha Madara. In short you will be Uchiha Madara, no longer Namikaze Uzumaki Naruto. Everything that you have attained in your rather short and awesome life you will keep, meaning memories, abilities, jutsu knowledge, the works!"

"Okay...what's the catch?"

"I'll get to that in a minute, you will also be granted some additional abilities, powers, and the like, one such thing would be that you gain what Uchiha Madara are known to love, Immortality, the only way you will be able to die, is if the world ends again."

"The catch?"

"Oh, right, uhm..let me see," the figure shuffled through the folders and sheaves of paper again, "Aha! The catch is that fate and destiny are your bitches, do with the world as you wish, just provide some entertainment for the higher ups, also DON'T let the world end. GOT IT?"

"HAI!" Naruto shouted complete with salute.

"As for the nine voices in your head, they will be your summons, as well as your servants, but they will reside in Makai, the Makai that they rule in, technically thats most of the Makai's that are in existence, but what the hey, right?" he didn't wait for a response, "Right. Simply put you are Kami, or something like that, start a religion, a cult, whatever, have fun, higher ups bless you, goodnight!"

After the last world was said Naruto felt a searing pain race all over his very being, all the way to his very soul, then it suddenly stopped. In front of him stood four animals, they were the Bijuu, they were his summons and servants. They each bowed to him, Kyuubi saluting in the same manner as Naruto had to the figure, then they all disappeared. Just like that, no smoke, swirling whatever, nothing, not even a sound like a pop or sometihng. That was when everything started to bleed black, Naruto's vision started to get fuzzy, and he started to feel light headed. Then nothingness claimed him once more.

The next thing he knew, Naruto had found himself standing on top of one of the statues at the Valley of the End, specifically he was standing on the head of the statue of himself, he was no longer Naruto, but Uchiha Madara.

'_This is going to take some getting used to..._'


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: If its Naruto, I don't own it. If someone else owns it, I definitely don't own it.

Warning: OCs OOCs Sues, and some crack. You have been warned.

Note: AU.

Note #2: Read Lost if you want something more serious.

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**Screw It**

**Chapter Two**

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He walked the length and breadth of Fire Country until he came across a little patch of paradise that he decided to call home. By drawing on the memories of his past life, along with some of the memories of the original Madara, he created a thousand Kage Bushins to aid him in the construction of his home and base of operations. He was aware that Akatsuki had already been created, he was also aware of the fact that Amegakure was nearly in complete control of Pein, also known as Nagato. He was also aware of all the locations of the Jinchuuriki, whom he would, like his predecessor, gather, but this time instead of extraction, he would shelter those that needed to be sheltered. He planned on being like Orochimaru, except minus the abuses the people saved bit and the love for little boys.

The patch of land that he had found and decided to claim as his own was in all actuality a piece of the country to the east of the Land of Rice Patties, and north-east of the Land of Fire. It didn't matter if the country already had a ruler, Madara planned on fighting any and all resistance to his claim. The land in which his new home and base of operations was to stand was within a few kilometers of the natural resources that he would be needing for the construction. He assigned the task of gathering lumber and cutting them into planks to two hundred clones. He assigned the task of quarrying stone to one hundred clones. Three hundred clones were given the task of tunneling and digging for coal ore, iron ore, and gold ore. With a lake nearby and some game, two hundred clones were assigned such a task, the food to be gathered should be enough for a small hidden village. The second to the last group of one hundred clones were assigned the task of placing detection and protection seals around the site of construction, as well as around the other places that the other clones were working. The last hundred clones were put in charge of layering genjutsus around the area that Madara had claimed as his own, enough genjutsu to fool even the famed doujutsus of the world, including the Rin'negan, along with any other form of heightened sense, the only way in would be if whoever wanted in was let in.

Madara then proceeded to create another thousand clones. These too he divided into smaller groups. The first hundred he ordered to practice the different styles of taijutsu that he knew, it would not do to be out of practice, even a little. The next group were ordered to practice chakra control, even with his nearly perfect control, he wanted to be as close to perfect as possible, so he had those hundred do all the exercises that he knew. The control exercises were leaf sticking, tree walking, water walking, kunai balancing, cutting a waterfall, whirlpool walking, forming one simple academy bushin per kage bushin, chakra string manipulation, controlling chakra through any of the tenketsu, air walking, and a few other exercises. The next three hundred clones were ordered to practice all the ninjutsu that he knew, unlike most Uchiha, Madara wanted to fully master each and every jutsu in his arsenal, in the process possibly creating his own, or variations of his own. The remaining five hundred he ordered to serve as the transport people for the materials and resources that the other clones were assigned to acquire.

Once there were enough materials to begin construction of the buildings that would make up the center of his own hidden village. The first building that would be constructed was the administration building where all village related matters would be taken care of, from running the future village to simply registering new citizens. It would be a four storey building, that would not only have some offices, but archives as well. The second building that was to be built was the warehouse and storage building where all surplus resources were to be kept, ranging from lumber to food to gold. The storage building would be big enough to house all the resources that a hidden village the size of Konoha would be able to procure. It would also have four floors in order to segregate the different resources. With the resources coming in in a steady stream, Madara would not run out of any resource soon, but he would be needing the storage building soon, as he did not want to have his resources and materials just lying all over the place. He created another thousand clones to take care of construction, with that number of clones it would take only a short while to get the buildings into working order. In his two lives, he had been able to gather a lot of useful information, that at the time seemed to be useless. With these information the clones went to work, the construction of the two building took roughly a week give or take, since the clones favored using jutsu, as compared to most construction workers and artisans who used the 'proper' tools.

With the two buildings having been completed, Madara ordered his clones to begin building what would serve as the library, as well as the research and development department, two levels for the library, and two levels for R&D. All buildings were also built with five lower levels each, their purposes would be figured out in the future. Alongside the library, the clones would also be building the sawmill, weapon smithy, blacksmith, a few lookout towers at what would serve as the edges of the village once construction of the core buildings were completed, a tool smithy just for the heck of it, a mint for the melting and shaping of the gold from ore to something that can be used as currency. Some other buildings and structures would also be built, but Madara need not instruct his clones to do those thing, the clones knew the basic skeleton of the layout of the whole to be village.

After those buildings had seen completion, the clones set about constructing the walls, aside from the genjutsu and seals that were already in place to protect the village, walls were a much needed thing for any village. Konoha's walls were high, the tops of which were a number of feet above the tree line, and so Madara based the height of his walls on Konoha's walls.

Nearly forgetting the sewer system that needed to be in place, Madara created another thousand clones to take care of all the underground systems that needed to be installed in the village, ranging from the sewer system to the electrical wiring, the source of the village's water would come from underground lakes, rivers, and the like that some of the clones had found in their tunneling and quarrying. Some of those clones decided to explore the underground caves, which they were able to conclude passed under the village itself, hundreds of feet below the village, but still within reach of the pipes and whatnot. As for electricity, without the knowledge of how his former hidden villages acquired electricity, Madara decided to create generators and batteries using as much lightning natured chakra as he could muster, the whole process of setting up that system taking something close to two weeks of solid work on his part. There were a number of seals and contractions that needed to be built, written, and set in place.

Once the walls were safely and securely in place, with obvious spaces for gates, four gates in total, Madara himself began construction on the gates, his clones even with all their chakra and solidness, still lacked a few things that the original could not grant them. Some of his kami-granted abilities just could not be passed onto his clones, one of these being his ability to openly mock the Senju clan, since he now possessed the ability to use Mokuton jutsu. At each space reserved for a gate, he used his mokuton ability to create solid wood doors. He then used his ability to control the magnetic fields in the world to gather some metals to form the hinges and the locks of the gates.

After all the basic structures were completed, Madara's next task for himself and his clones was to start growing crops, green produce, food of the earth and work of human hands. With his mokuton ability, as well as his power over the Green which is basically the power to command nature, Madara summoned up a few satchels worth of different kinds of seeds, some for food, some for medicines, some for decorations also known as flowers, and some for poisons. His clones were also given the knowledge of how to grow each of the things.

In his lives, he had not really gotten much knowledge about the medical world, in order to rectify this he sent out squads of clones out into the world with the sole purpose of acquiring medical knowledge, be it from books or from experience. He also ordered some of the clones that were not doing anything except standing around, to build a hospital, one which some of the other clones would be responsible for furnishing with the basics.

In his two lives Madara, like most people encountered times of boredom, to alleviate such states of being, the man learned how to do a few things, that normally wouldn't have fit in with their personality. Among these things were baking, cooking, brewing, and anything and everything that had to do with making clothes.

Once ALL preparations had been completed, the only thing remaining on Madara's agenda was getting people to populate his hidden village. It was roughly the size of Suna, meaning it could house a lot of people. But he did not plan on just picking people to join him at random, he would be doing it semi-systematically. The world did not need to know about his existence yet, so he would be replacing the people he would recruit or save with special clones that would stay out in the rest of the world in their stead, as to not arouse suspicion or the like. He would also have to inform Pein about the change of plans somehow, that self-proclaimed-God needed to be convinced that total war was not the way to peace, that suffering and pain would only cause more suffering and pain, and that the only way to achieve peace would be to actually choose not to walk down the path of vengeance. Of course he would allow the members of Akatsuki to still operate, go around the world and do missions that the hidden villages no longer had the manpower to do. He would also need to know about the living conditions of the jinchuuriki, all ten of them. There were also a bunch of other matters that he would use Akatsuki to deal with, like keeping track of the movements of the other nations's leaders, as well as those few runaway leaders like the true ruler of the Land of Snow.

Before heading out, Madara instructed his clones to Henge into different people, none of which better resemble anyone that he knew existed, for a prankster, creativity and imagination came naturally. Gathering up his supplies and sealing them all into storage seals located all over his person, Madara's final thing to do was write down all his instructions for Akatsuki, as well as an altered memory of the end of his past life's world that would be viewable if the proper steps are followed. After putting everything for Akatsuki into a scroll, Madara left his plot of land in the care of his clone army, and walked out into the world in search of his future citizens.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: If its Naruto, I don't own it. If someone else owns it, I definitely don't own it.

Warning: OCs OOCs Sues, and some crack. You have been warned.

Note: AU.

Note #2: Read Lost if you want something more serious.

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**Screw It**

**Chapter Three**

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After leaving the safety and anonymity of his hidden village haven, Madara ran, shinobi style, on the tops of the trees, when there were no trees in sight the man ran on the ground, barely a blur to anyone that saw him pass. Some of the people that saw him run past were travelling merchants, most of which were in awe at the sheer speed at which he was travelling. Some of the other people that saw him move were shinobi, usually the escorts of the merchants, these people marvelled at the speed in which Madara travelled and most of them wondered what village he was from. But none of these bystanders bothered to bother him, much more stop him.

He had been running here and there and everywhere, all over the continents for slightly over a month. He had been running around, only stopping to rest, or observe any people he came across, he was never spotted or seen whenever he had stopped to rest. He had been looking for potential citizens even though he really did not think things through, seeing as he had yet to find a suitable candidate number one. So before he continued on his journey, he stopped running when he was in Wave.

At this point in time Wave had not yet fallen to the hands of Gato and his vast corporation. Inari had yet to be born, Kaiza had yet to arrive, and Tazuna was not that old yet. The Land of Waves was a rather small country, sure it had a few cities in it, but the place that Madara was more familiar with was the small town near the border of the Land of Fire. The town looked better than he had last seen it, in his past life that is. It didn't look the way that it would look after the completion of the bridge, but it looked better than when Gato had almost total control of Wave.

Madara decided to stay at the inn that was run by Tazuna's family. He found out that Tsunami was already married at the time to a man who looked to have only a few years left in his life. When he asked Tazuna what was wrong with his son-in-law, Madara found out that the man had an incurable disease, and there really was no cure for the disease, he only had a few more years to live. The family may have looked happy, but Madara knew that they were hurting. After the short discussion he did not ask any more questions, in respect of the family.

He decided to stay in Wave while he figured out the kinds of people he would recruit to join his village, he also decided that he would compile a list of the people that he knew from his past life, he also needed to figure out a way to change his reputation back in the Land of Water. Lots of people over in that part of the world knew who he was, that he had been the Sandaime Mizukage, there was a particular family that held a grudge against him for what the previous Madara had done to the Yondaime Mizukage, said Mizukage still in power.

During his travelling, he had been able to meet up with Pein and hand over the scroll in which he had written down his orders. He didn't stay long, but he knew from a Kage Bushin that he left, that the memory that he left was good enough to change Pein's view on the world and everything else, it also kept him loyal to Madara. The only problems remaining were how the rest of the organization would take the news and new orders.

Sometime after he started compiling a list of people he would recruit, he figured that he might as well go back to the Land of Water and get as many of those Bloodline clans on his side, seeing as he knew about the Bloodline War and Purge. Water had the largest population of Bloodline clans, and most of those clans would disappear from the world if he didn't gather them. As the Samdaime Mizukage, Madara was able to continue the legacy of the first two leaders of Mist and made the Mist a village worthy of being one of the Five, during his reign, the mist was known as the Bloody Mist not only due to the genin exams but also due to blodthirstyness and battle hungryness of the shinobi of the Mist. The old Madara had a small dislike for the bloodline clans, but never made it public knowledge, no one knew of that little secret as far as he knew. He knew that the old Madara had programmed his successor into starting the bloodline war, he had also programmed the Yondaime Mizukage into becoming someone who would be greatly hated by most of the people of the Mist as well as the rest of the Land of Water. The Yondaime Mizukage was also supposed to be one of the reasons as to why the Hidden Villages were to grow a great distrust and dislike to outright hate and mistrust of Jinchuuriki. This Yondaime would have to be dealt with, his reign of terror would have to be ended sooner rather than later.

After thinking over his plan of recruiting the bloodline clans of Kiri, Madara dispatched several hundred clones to search the Land of Water for said clans, and see about recruiting them, but should their loyalty to their village or to their Land be too great, then the clones would just have to recruit those that wanted out. Those lucky few would then be replaced by a homunculus, a solid, living, breathing clone, but would only dispel should Madara himself wish it.

Aside from the bloodline clans of Kiri, Madara planned on getting his hands of the clans that were coerced into joining Orochimaru's Otogakure no Sato aka Sound, he didn't want a repeat of the Sand-Sound Invasion, he was a former Konoha-nin in both his lives, therefore he held a sort of attachment to the village, it anyone was going to flatten it, it was going to be him, not Pein, him. Not that he wanted to do that sort of thing this time around.

Then there was the thing with Kumo wanting the Byakugan, he had less than three years to prepare for that little thing, then he had to deal with his now relatives, not all the Uchiha should have to die this time around, just the truly treasonous and traitorous, he'd need to befriend Itachi for that part of his plans to work. Then there were those damnable Ne Anbu, he'd have to save them from Danzo and themselves as well. That man sure knew how to rob people of their humanity. Danzo was probably his biggest mistake in both lives, allowing him to live in his past life was a bad thing in the end, he was part of the reason behind the world ending, in this life he was a pawn that had a habit of not following orders, he would not and could not be convinced of changing his ways, even though his secret sensei told him to do so, the man ws far too ambitous for his own good, and would need to be eliminated.

When he wasn't making plans and analyzing situations as well as possible situations and events, Madara took long walks around Wave, and went about setting up some protections over the place, like seals that would teleport people that were about to die via unnatural means, like someone sticking a blade through them. These people would appear in holding cells in his hidden village, where clones would tend to their wounds and determine if they were worth keeping alive or not. This little measure would insure that no innocent was slain in Wave. He also spent his time learning more about fishing and engineering than he ever cared to learn in the past.

He stayed in Wave for a few months until he received the memories from one of clones, apparently there was only one Kaguya left in existence, and it was none other than Kaguya Kimimaro. The Kaguya had a disease that in its later stages had no cure, but in its earlier stages could still be treated. Madara knew that Orochimaru had no intention of healing the Kaguya, and had gained his loyalty through lies and deception. Madara would have to remedy that as well as kidnap Jugo, and a few of the other Sound-nin that he knew needed a better home.

So after getting the memories of yet another clone, this time one that had more accurate information as to where the few nins that he wanted to get were at, Madara immediately paid his tab at the inn, and left Wave. He sped of in the direction of the Land of Rice Patties, where he knew, via the clone's memories, exactly where the main Oto base was.

It took him two months to get to the Sound base where the Kaguya was, it took that long since Madara had to make a few pitstops along the way as since he had to dispatch some Kage Bushins to talk to the few clans that he wanted to recruit into his new hidden village. He knew that it wasn't likely that he could get all the people that he wanted in his village to be in his village by the end of the year, but he had to try, and there was no time like the present to do the recruiting thing.

Standing before the only entrance and exit into the Sound base, Madara, out of habit, took in his surroundings and analyzed everything, his sharingan blazing all the while making sure that everything he saw was embeded into his mind. Next he created fifty clones that he ordered to turn into rats and ordered them to scout out the base, make a mental map or something, find all the experiments that could be found, as well as the room in which the Kaguya was staying in. Once the first clone sent its memory back to him, Madara realized that the first person that he would be taking in was someone that he never thought of taking in in the first place, Yakushi Kabuto. Even at the age of eight he was already working for Orochimaru, but not for the selfish reasons that Madara knew, apparently he was being forced or coerced by the snake-summoner into serving him, this was accomplished via genjutsu and drugs that kept the young medic-nin loyal. Child abuse was one of the no-nos in Madara's book, so Kabuto would be the first to be saved, but due to a number of events that were still supposed to happen, he would be replacing the young medic with a humunculus, just like the others that would be saved from the hands of the Otokage.

He waited for the other clone that was observing the young Yakushi to inform him that it was safe to procure the boy, when the information was passed to him and the boy was within range, he slapped a transportation seal on the boy which promptly teleported him to the hidden-village-without-a-real-name-yet. From a storage device that he kept on his person he unsealed a blank body and forced it to morph into an exact copy of the young Yakushi, complete with memories and the like, Madara had been granted Facebook Application like abilities. Since he did not want to stay in the snake's den for much longer, Madara created more clones to gather up all the rest of the potentials, while he created copies to go with them. When all that was done, and all the new citizens had been obtained, Madara decided that he might as well complete his collection of Sound-nins and raid the other underground and otherwise secret Sound bases.

From the memories of the clones that he had sent to the Land of Water, he had learned that after the two months of travelling to the main Sound base the extraction of bloodline clans had been a nearly complete success, since there were a few clans that did not survive, but Madara did get Zabuza and Haku, and Haku's mother, he also got Raiga and Ranmaru, a less merciless and brutal Raiga that is, and he managed to get Suigetsu's brother too. The Land of Water recruitment drive was basically a success. The Sound-nin recritment drive was also a success. The only remaineders on the list were the nomadic clans, the non-allied clans, the other hidden villages: minor and great, and everything else that he could think of while zipping through the trees in the direction of Konoha.

While running in the direction of Konoha, Madara had created five thousand clones and had them all form groups of five and ordered them to commence Project Elemental Continent Recruitment Drive. All the clones were given a sealed scroll with enough blank bodies to duplicate whomever they were able to recruit. There was a lot of writing and chakra using involved in the equipment process, but Madara was the only one who could do it, the task lasted for two months, and he spent his time in Tanzaku Gai doing all that work before continueing his journey to Konoha, where he would slowly convert Itachi into becoming his friend, as well as either convert the Konoha Jinchuuriki into becoming his friend, or kid, or something along the lines of having a friendly relationship with.

Aside from his making friends with his not-so-alternate-anymore-self-from-another-dimension-aka-world Madara still had to fix his reputation in the Land of Water. He also had to dispose of Danzo while he was in Konoha, although such an attack on the supposedly incapacitated elder was not something that he thought he should do for the time being, maybe recruiting the Ne Anbu was the only thing that should be done for now.

While travelling to the one village that he was only half the founder of, Madara realized that it seemed that he had more luck than Benten, and after coming up with this theory did not voice it to even his clones, just to make sure that he did not call upon the power of jinx. He did not enounter anyone willing to fight him, it was either thanks to his luck, or to how he kept his chakra hidden, along with his speed, both of which would intimidate most veteran nin. It could also be the fact that he did not attack any of the people that he encountered, or even the fact that he was headed in the direction of Konoha, a village known for its powerful and legendary shinobi, legendary to the fact that one of them had supposedly managed to attain god like statuts, aka Yondaime Hokage, that Hiraishin of his was what made him god like, but enough about that one insignificant man, compared to Madara he was insignificant. Not that many people knew that Madara was still alive and kicking, and even more gathering or recruiting shinobi and civilian alike to join his new hidden village, which unlike most hidden villages was actually hidden, and since it had yet to actually be given a name, it had no hitai-ate, which in effect made them even more hidden, since announcing to the world where one is from is quite stupid, one wrong move on one's part and it could become an international incident leading to war or worse, genocide.

It was another week of running, stopping to create clones to send out on the recruitment project, more running, and a bunch of other stuff before Madara once again, after all his years of battling and the like finally saw a glimpse of Konohagakure no Sato, the Village Hidden Amongst the Leaves, and what a sight she was. He dropped down to the ground and decided to walk the rest of the way, he knew it would be quite far, and that the village had ground since its founding, but what the hell, better to enter through the front door peacefully, rather than be caught sneaking in and therefore ruining his reputation even more.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: If its Naruto, I don't own it. If someone else owns it, I definitely don't own it.

Warning: OCs OOCs Sues, and some crack. You have been warned.

Note: AU.

Note #2: Read Lost if you want something more serious.

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**Screw It**

**Chapter Four**

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Madara had prepared some identification papers of his own, they showed exactly who he was, Uchiha Madara. The day before entering Konoha, he had to come up with a name for his country, as well as his hidden village, he came up with the name Land of the Lost, and the Hidden Village Amongst the Found or of the Found, whichever or whatever, in short he lived in Lost and Found. It was the only thing his vastly creative and imaginative brain could come up with. As for the hitai-ate and symbol of the village and the country, was just a simple letter "E", the country's emblem being a red "E" on a black background.

The guards let him in without a fuss, thinking that the Uchiha were allowed to name one of their own after a nuke-nin, it was the more acceptable thing to think of, other than the alternative being that the only equal to Senju Hashirama was alive and kicking, and possibly was just let into the village. Later the guards would be reprimanded for allowing someone named Uchiha Madara into the village, since there had been only one Uchiha Madara in the whole history of the clan. The village had grown complacent, thinking themselves superior than any other shinobi village due to the fact that they were one of the Five as well as having survived the Kyuubi, also the fact that they birthed a many number of legends, both living and deceased. But those things were beside the point, they could have at least checked to see if Madara was actually one of theirs, cause not just anybody would dare name themselves or one of their own children after one of the biggest enemies of the village just for fun.

As Madara walked the streets of Konoha, he realized that sooner or later his old-school battle armor and shinobi dress would stand out, and would cause somebody from his clan to notice him as well as get suspicious of him. To rectify this, he made it his first priority to get himself a new wardrobe, something in black, and red if possible, but mostly black. He wandered into one of the many Shinobi only clothing stores scattered around the shopping district. He walked around the store, all the while catching the attention of the store's owner. The store itself looked like it had not seen much business in a while.

"E-excuse me," the store owner said.

"Yes?" Madara asked.

"How are you alive?" the store owner asked. He was a man that looked even older than the Sandaime Hokage, and that was saying something.

"What do you mean?" Madara asked, once he faced the man.

"Well, you look like Uchiha-sama, your chakra feels like his too," the store owner said.

"Who are you old man?" Madara asked as he tried to figure out who the store owner was.

"Yeah, I guess you wouldn't recognize me. I'm Jurei Atsushi," the store owner answered.

"Impossible! I saw that Senju bastard slaughter the lot of you! How did you survive?" Madara exclaimed, no one else was in the shop save for the two of them.

"Just as impossible as it is for you to still be among the living Madara-sama."

"I remember now, your clan had that bloodline that allowed for you to have longer than normal lives, depending on how many of your lot were alive. So how much longer do you have?"

"Until my clan grows to being at fifty members I'm immortal, nothing and I mean nothing in the world can kill me. So Madara-sama, how is it that you are alive?"

"I have already died, but the kami gave me a second chance to make it all right, or some such nonsense, all that matters is that I am just as immortal if not more so than you."

"So what are you in my humble dilapidated shop for?"

"A new wardrobe, preferably in black, and with a hint of red, no Uchiha markers or anything else related to my clan."

"So...that would be ten sets, right?"

"Yes, along with two sets of formal wear, along with ten more sets of kimonos."

"Hmm...large order, luckily I got lots of things in your size, and if not, well Kage Bushin will help me. Have you grown at all since last, Madara-sama?"

"No."

"Alrighty them, just wait right by the dressing rooms, I'll go get your stuff, I still remember what you like, so don't worry about a thing, cause every little thing is gonna be alright."

"Alright, I wont worry, about a thing, cause I know every little thing is gonna be alright."

While Madara waited by the dressing rooms, he picked up one of the magazines that were lying about near where he decided to sit, the magazine was actually an outdated copy of the Bingo Book, with one entry missing: His. It seemed that one of his friends from days gone by was one of his true friends, since according to the Bingo Book, he did not believe that Madara was justly named a nuke-nin. Most other Bingo Books that Madara had come across he was labeled as a nuke-nin.

Atsushi joined Madara once again, this time carrying several storage scrolls that held most of the clothes that Madara was going to purchase, but when asked about the price, he was told that they were free, but Madara insisted on paying, along with saying that he didn't want his old friend to go bankrupt or something and loose his business. Atsushi accepted that, but instead just gave his friend, and village founder a hefty discount.

Madara's new wardrobe consisted of a long black trench coat, black pants, a grey sleeveless vest with a white long sleeved shirt under the vest, black combat boots, red gloves with an imprinted seal pattern on it to help with forming jutsu and other such chakra using things, and black sunglasses. To finish off his look, Madara unsealed a katana with a blood red blade, and a ninjato with a blade that would glow blood red if infused with chakra. He then strapped these two weapons to himself, and let them hang on his back, the handles positioned in such a way that he could easily draw them. Before leaving the shop, he had Atsushi inscribe special seals on the palm of te gloves, these seals would store the other hand held things that Madara would be lugging around, like Med Kits, Kunai, Wire, and the like. All he'd need to do was think of the object while applying chakra to the seal, and poof instant item.

After walking around, Madara realized that the village was different from what he remembered of it, during his past life's childhood. He decided them and there that he would give the leaf a chance, he would see how they treated their jinchuuriki, and if it was not up to his standards, he would take the child and raise him as his own, far away from Konoha, in the Lost and Found.

Madara decided to pursue the young Itachi and bend him to his will, or just simply befriend him. Madara was sure that Itachi's father did not show any emotional support or any familial support for that matter to Itachi once Sasuke was born. Madara knew that Fugaku considered Itachi as a mistake, and the only pride he had shown, or would show was when the young prodigy did something to further earn the title of prodigy. Itachi needed a father figure, he needed Madara, and Madara needed practice. But it wouldn't do to just drop into the young man's life so early, that would be a costly move that could backfire on the immortal. So Madara decided that while he waited for the right time to act, he would run Found via genjutsu and clones, lots and lots of clones, those and the actual appearance in Lost and Found every now and then.

As time passed his citizens grew to love, and respect him, even after he revealed who he was. Their loyalty to Madara grew even more after he singlehandedly made sure that the other nations recognized his claim to the land which he claimed as his and named the Land of the Lost. No one had seen and fought a warrior of his caliber in a long time that no one was prepared to face him. He had also singlehandedly made sure that his hidden village, Found, was recognized by the other hidden villages, one of the reasons for the recognition, was the fact that the village really could not be found. The village was found in the Land of the Lost, but all outsiders did not know where exactly, the only ones that were allowed to find it were clients, and even they were unable to remember correctly where exactly the village was located.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: If its Naruto, I don't own it. If someone else owns it, I definitely don't own it.

Warning: OCs OOCs Sues, and some crack. You have been warned.

Note: AU.

Note #2: Read Lost if you want something more serious.

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**Screw It**

**Chapter Five**

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She was not having a good day, from the moment she had awoken to her present situation. Upon waking up, she found that she was alone in her room, the branch family member that was supposed to be looking after her was not present, and therefore she had to do all her morning rituals by herself, which considering she was only three was not particularly easy. After some stumbling and falling and tripping and the like her caretaker finally arrived only to scold her, this was probably one of the few times that any branch family member was able to openly abuse a main family member without being subjected to the usual family torture methods. Next up was her morning lessons, mostly academic in nature, these ones were conducted by yet another branch family member, or several, all of which just happened to have an unhealthy dislike for the main family. Thus it came to pass that, even though her education was not sabotaged, she was given a particularly hard time, and she would not tell her father about the unjust treatment since she didn't want him to use the seal on the branch members, she also could not tell her parents about the treatment since being only three years old, the branch members could spin a tale about her being lazy and all other traits which three year olds are known as being. Following lessons, was lunch, as breakfast happened before lessons. Lunch was a lonesome affair, the branch family members that prepared the meal did not tamper with the taste or any such thing, but nobody bothered to accompany the young girl while she ate her meal. None of the branch members bothered to, seeing that she would just grow up and become another boss that they would have to obey, in fear of the dreaded seal being used on them. Both her parents were just too busy with some other clan related matters to join her for lunch today, or for breakfast ealier in the day for that matter. So she sat alone, in her room, finishing her meal in silence and loneliness. After lunch, the young girl was subjected to practicing her clan's prized taijutsu, the Jyuuken also known as The Gentle Fist. Her instructor for the day was her uncle who openly showed his dislike for her, which he started to show only after his son Neji was branded with the Caged Bird Seal. He didn't allow her any time to rest and forced her to keep going through the katas until she was too tired to even breathe, even then she was forced by him to perform the art to as near perfection as her little body could. He was bitter and resentful about the treament, and the only way he knew of to relieve himself of said stress was to pour all of his negative feelings on the supposed indirect source of his suffering. He did not care, mind, or notice that the main family child that he was giving a hard time to was his niece, all that mattered was that the child was of the main family, that was all that mattered. If the only way that he could attack the main family was by physically and verbally abusing one of the children of the main family, then so be it. The excuse that he would give if ever questioned about his training methods was that he was making sure that the main family had the art down to perfection, that the main family would not have a future member be an embarassment to the clan. After the training was dinner, another lonely meal, after which she promtly did her evening rituals, then went to bed.

Throughout her whole day, Hyuuga Hinata was unaware of the goings on in the rest of the village. She was unaware about thee fact that there was a visiting Kumo dignitary that was to sign a peace treaty between Kumo and Konoha, between the Lands of Lightning and Fire. She was unaware that such a hostorical event was happening beyond her clan's compound walls.

After the treaty had been signed publicly before the entire village, the celebrations truly began. The whole of the village was in a party mood, some of the villagers even went so far as to forget harming the one escape goat that they had a t their disposal for all the lives that were lost three years prior. The village's security was at an all time low, but not low enough for all the other villages' spies free entrance, but the security was low enough for someone already inside to make use of the security to move on and perform the true goal of the mission. The Kumo dignitary had been ordered by his Raikage to kidnap the hieress of the Hyuuga so that they may get the ever coveted Byakugan.

The Kumo-nin snucj into the Hyuuga clan compound when he was told by his branch family contact that it was safe for him to get in and perform the kidnapping. There were many branch family members that were spiteful of Konoha for not having done anything to relieve them of their situation. None of the past Hokage had been able to, or even bothered to do anything to resolve the age old issue of the division of the Hyuuga clan. He traiotrous Hyuuga clansman reasons behind helping Kumo in this endeavor revolved around the possibility that there could some day be a unified Hyuuga clan in Kumo, one that the branch family members could somehow in the future join. The loss of the clan hieress was such a small sacrifice for a brighter future, plus it was a blow to the main family of the Hyuuga clan. Since Konoha did not appear to value the entirety of the Hyuuga clan, then why should the under appreciated Hyuuga allow only one village to possess its coveted bloodline. The traitorous Hyuuga had made sure that there were no branch members guarding the hieress while the Kumo-nin infiltrated the compound, there was no need for any other life to be lost, when things such as these could be done peacefully. But that one traitor could not be expected by Kumo-nin to not think twice about his actions which would result in the traitor into double crossing him. So the Kumo-nin fried the Hyuuga with a Raiton Jutsu then destroyed the body with a quick Katon Jutsu leaving only ashes before running off with the hieress, sleeping in a bag slung over his shoulder. It did not matter what condition the child was in, as long as in the future she would be able to be used as breeding stock and that her eyes would be in workable condition, any bruises, scrapes or any kind of minor injury obtained during the journey were acceptable.

The Hyuuga clan did not know that anything was amiss, there was no evidence that anyone had broken in and kidnapped the hieress. No one would know until the Kumo-nin morning, when the branch members assigned to take care of and tutor the hieress found her not in her room or in the clan compound. They would not be able to get her back, because by the time that Konoha realizes that she had been kidnapped by Kumo, it would be too late to do anything about it.

While on the run with his target slung over his back, the Kumo-nin literally ran into a heavily wounded little boy who was running away from the village in the forest around the hidden village. Since hitting the boy had caused the Kumo-nin to trip and fall, thus losing his precious cargo, and seeing as he was unable to kill anyone from Konoha, he decided to kill the little boy, that would not be able to do anything to help him, seeing as he was already hindered, and bringing a Konoha runaway along would only slow him down, and possibly attract the attention of any partols that were around the village. Unluckily, the boy, though heavily injured, had seen the white-eyed girl in the bag, he quickly put two and two together, and realized that the Kumo-nin was a kidnapper, therefore someone that needed to be stopped, since kidnapping was a bad thing. His grandfather had told him that kidnapping was bad, since there was one time that he had experienced being kidnapped, something worse was going to happen had be not been saved by someone from the Uchiha clan. So he decided that he would help the unconscious girl, and make sure that she was not kidnapped.

The Kumo-nin thought that defeating a child would be easy, unluckily for him said child was no ordinary child, he was a child that was already used to receiving beatings, and receive supposedly fatal wounds, he'd been poisoned, stabbed choked, nearly drowned, his limbs had been lopped off, he'd experienced disembowelment, and many other little horrors in his short life, but none of them he could really remember, but somewhere deep inside the receesess of his mind they were all there locked away. Consciously he did not rmember any of these incidents, but physically his body did, and it had adapted, each time that he had almost passed through the door of death, he had been saved and healed, and his body adapted making sure that he would be harder to kill the next time. Add to that that there was a sleeping being in him that was subtly and subconsciously making sure that he was alive, and remained so for however long as possible. With surprising speed, the little boy latched onto the kidnapper, and bit down on the man's leg hard, hard enough to draw some blood. But after a shock of electricity he had to let go of the leg. The boy then attacked again, this time with a bite to the arm, hard enough once again to draw blood. He acted like some rabid sheepdog that was trying to herd the Kumo-nin back to Konoha, or simply away from the bag containing the little girl, but still in the drection of Konoha, to where the monsters lived. The little boy viewed many of the people that he lived with as monsters, the only exceptions being those who had not yet hurt him physically, as well as his precious people. He had been running at the Kumo-nin faster than any normal three year old should have been able to, he had been biting the man with more biting power than any normal human should be able to, his strikes were fast and painful. The Kuno-jounin was able to only counterattack with electric shocks to stop the pain from continueing. Although sometimes he was able to react in time and punch or kick away the bullet of a boy that was trying to maul him to death or something similar. The boy just would not let up in his assult, he just did not stop. He didn't care that his body was already past its limits, all he cared about was that the little girl in the bag was not hurt by the bad man that had tried to kidnap her. Since no one was there to tell him to stop and that everything was alright, the little boy did not stop. He would probably go on until the Kumo-nin, that due to his surprise at the ferocity and brutality of the youth was unable to properly defend himself, was dead.

Finally the may lay still in an apparent pool of his own blood, that was when the attacks from the little boy stopped. The boy then went over to the unconscious girl to see if she was alright, or if anything was wrong with her. While he was checking her for any injuries, he had his back to the Kumo-nin, which was a very bad thing since the Kumo-nin was only playing dead, and decided that he would act only at the right time and instead of while he was in extreme pain. He took a blood pill, and a chakra pill while the boy's back was turned. The little boy may not have injured him bad enough for him to die or just pass out due to blood loss, but there were still a few wounds that needed immediate attention, which is what the nin did, he healed the wounds that needed healing before he stealthily snuch behind the boy. He then raised a kunai that he had taken out, raised it above the youth and brought it down expecting to be able to impale the boy in the head, instantly killing him.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: If its Naruto, I don't own it. If someone else owns it, I definitely don't own it.

Warning: OCs OOCs Sues, and some crack. You have been warned.

Note: AU.

Note #2: Read Lost if you want something more serious.

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**Screw It**

**Chapter Six**

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It had been a particularly bland day, nothing of note had occurred, and although there were a few incidents which he was fortunately present to stop from escalating into anything truly life threatening, he had decided that the Kyuubi jinchuuriki was in good hands, after all he was not aware of even a fourth of the other things that had happened to the young blond. Somehow after word of his first intervention had gotten out into the rumor mill, the villagers had grown brains, and decided to be a bit more subtle in their assassination attempts on the boy. These attempts were far too under the radar for the Uchiha to notice.

Itachi had yet to be treated as merely a weapon by his family, and therefore was still not worth befriendly wholeheartedly, he was still just another Uchiha bastard. Even though Madara was an Uchiha, he was of course exempted from his own clan insults. He knew that this day was supposed to be a bad day, but just couldn't remember exactly why, when one has two lives worth of memories remembering such things can be quite a bother.

While he had been a partial member of the Konoha populace, he had taken it upon himself to become that which was lacking, the Ramen Man. Apparently Ichiraku Teuchi had died along with his wife during the Kyuub attack leaving cute little Ayame an orphan. He then adopted the little girl, after he found out that she had been handed over to the custody of one of her less than humane relatives in Konoha. Madara had found the gilr crying in her room, cradling a broken arms, afterwhich he had sent out a clone of himself to submit all the nescessary paper work to get custody of the child. While his clone did that, he made sure that Ichiraku Tenro received his just rewards for doing something like that to a six year old child. When the Konoha Police had found the remains they could not make heads or tails of them, the only piece of evidence that showed them who they belonged to was his citizenship ID card.

On the adoption papers Madara had written his real name, and just like his passport, no one in the administration, as well as the records departments, cared about his name. Uchiha Madara had become the proud and adopted father of Uchiha Ayame, although he let her keep the name Ichiraku in memory and honor of her parents. Madara then, with her help, opened the first Ichiraku Ramen Stand, and made sure that Uzumaki Naruto, when he started to appear was given the healthiest ramen in the whole world, every single thing, from the noodles to the broth had been treated with as many vitamins and minerals that the young boy needed to grow up properly, while at the same time be able to eat Ramen goodness. Since the boy did not complain to him about anything being wrong, then Madara believed him, seeing as he was unable to find that many instances of abuse. It never occurred to him that a three year old was not supposed to be out paying for meals, with his own money, or even simply living on the streets, with a weekly allowance to help him live his rather dreary existence. Madara found it normal, since in his life it was for him.

Ayame was now nine years old, but instead of going to the Ninja Academy, Madara had let her go to the civilian school, but still trained her in some of the ninja arts in secret, for self defense purposes. With all the celebrations happening all over the village due to the signed treaty, Madara had been swamped with customers, he had actually yet to see his favorite customer. It was while he was closing shop that he remembered what else was supposed to happen this day. So he made a clone accompany his daughter to their small home, and sped off in the direction of the forests directly behind the Hyuuga compound, where he knew he would find the Kumo-nin.

What he found had surprised him, his favorite customer had managed to beat up the Kumo-nin, while heavily injured. He was still far away when he saw the fight end, he had applied chakra to his eyes, but not for the sharingan to appear, but just to enhance his visions. He watched the battle like a bird of prey, and when he saw the Kumo-nin about to impale his favorite customer, he did not hesistate and acted. Using the hiraishin, without the use of seal tags and kunai, he moved too fast for anyone else alive to comprehend, and caught the kunai before it hit the top of his favorite customer's head. He then slammed the butt of the kunai, while at the same time breaking the kumo-nin's arm, on the kumo-nin's face. Then he proceeded to make sure that there would be nothing left of the kumo-nin save for his hitai-ate, his identity papers, mission scroll that he forgot to burn, and the skin of his face, to be used to identify him with. After doing the little deed, he turned to his favorite customer, who was wide-eyed at witnessing the Ramen Man brutally murder the kidnapper. Luckily Hyuuga Hinata was still unconscious, and blissfully unaware of the carnage that took place.

"You okay, Naruto?" Madara asked while he squated infront of the young boy.

"H-hai," Narutos answered, still partially in shock at what he had witnessed.

"Well, let's get you, and the princess back to the village, before anyone else attacks," Madara said, while picking up the little girl with one hand, and Naruto in the other.

"W-wait!" Naruto said before the trio was about to leave.

"What is it Naruto-kun?" Madara asked.

"H-how did you do that? You're just the ramen man."

"I'm not just the Ramen Man, I'm also the leader of another hidden village, just don't tell anyone that."

"Why not?"

"If you do, I won't be able to make anymore ramen for you."

"Okay, but can you teach me?"

"I'll think about it."

With Hinata craddled in one arm, and Naruto riding his shoulder while being held with the other arm, Madara leapt into the trees, and ran towards the Hyuuga compound to return the stolen hieress without none the wiser, or it would be had Madara not told Naruto to write he Hyuuga a note about what had happened. Madara then brought Naruto to the Hokage's house, and left him there, with a note that Naruto was to give to the Hokage.

When Naruto had woken up the sleeping kage from his night's slumber and handed him the note, Naruto was surprised that his grandfather figure told him to get into bed and sleep, while he left the room to do whatever it was that Hokage do aside from paperwork.

While the Hokage was busy berrating his guards for allowing anyone into his home, Madara was speeding away and out of Konoha, when he was far enough away he teleported himself to wherever it was that Pein was at that moment. Upon finding the man in a very compromising position, he teleported out of there and to his own hidden village. By this time he had many nins in his village, ranging from normal people to bloodline clans worth of people. There were simply a lot of people in his not so little village. The village was filled with structures and the like, the training grounds were found along the edges. Asides from being just the village leader, he was also the daimyou of the country. He not only had to run a village but a country as well. Running both was no problem as he had appointed officials to do the running for him, he also left lots of bushins to monitor everything. There was zero corruption in the land ruled by a man who's very own servants were rulers of their own demon world. Most of the officials and heads in Lost and Found, were aware that their leader's primary servants were Demon Lords, or more specifically Demon Kings, since they each ruled one world, they each had a Makai to call their own. These Makais were created by combining all the other ones that the nine had control over. This also happened to make them even more powerful than the Bijuu of this world.

Madara's clone would be taking care of his daughter, and the stand, while the real him was away on business. He would have to wait by one of the village's fountains until he would return to where his subordinate was. Hopefully Pein and Konan were done with their exercise session.

There were a few people awake at this time of night, some of them greeted Madara when they saw him playing with paper boats in the fountain. He infused some of them with chakra to make sure that they did not sink easily, and hit them with mini water dragons. Patrolling police and Anbu also greeted him and marvelled at his chakra control. Controlling the paper boats while coating them with chakra, and attacking the boats with mini water dragons was a feat that not many in the village could accomplish. He supposed that maybe Tsunade of the Senju would be able to do what he was doing. Since it was not only the boats he was controlling, he was also controlling the water of the fountain as well. He had left a seal tag in Pein's room that would alert him when the pair was done playing. He was growing impatient, and his playing was growing in complexity. Using his chakra, he manipulated pieces of paper into folding themselves into paper battleships, run on chakra, then he created tiny clones of himself to attack the other battleships and boats using jutsu. It was kage bushin training in a much smaller scale. By morning, there were many paper boats, and tiny kage bushin in the fountain at war wih one another. After growing a bit bored with seeing tiny versions of himself fight, Madara had his minis henge into different people from all over the world. He even had some henge into the bijuu and attack the ship in those forms. Its amazing what one can come up with when one is bored, waiting, and has nothing better to do. Some of the villagers awoke to the sight of their leader playing by the fountain, with lots of mini people and paper boats and other contraptions at war with one another. With some Mokuton, Madara had even been able to make a scoreboard for the two sides of his little battle. The fountain where he was playing was in the middle of an intersection in one of the residential districts. The children of the houses nearby, along with some of the adults had decided to leave their houses and watch their leader play, Madara was so focused on his playing that he failed to notice the crowd that had formed around the fountain. Every now and then he would create something new with one of his abilities. With his Hyouton ability he had created some mini glaciers in the water as obstacles for the two sides. Half the clones had henge'd into samurai, while the other half ninja, both sides had to deal with weather conditions, obstacles in their path, and mini bijuu. The paper ship were the size of an arm and just as narrow, while the clones were much smaller. Everything had been scaled down to size. In the water there were even neutrals in boats cheering on one of the two teams, with a literal handful of clones defending them from the two sides and the mini bijuu. Some of the food stall owners and vendors decided to being some of their wares, and sell food to the audience. Around breakfast time the crowd were all having a blast while watching their leader play with his self made toys.

Some of the jounin, decided that they wanted in on the fun, and imbued paper planes with chakra, and controlled them with chakra strings, it was one plane, with one mini bushin, to every one jounin that joined in. By this time Madara noticed the crowd as well as the jounin that decided to join in on his fun. He directed a fourth of his fighting armies to engage the flying paper planes and their mini jounins. Among the adults more and more of them decided to join the jounin, the ones that were able to do as the jounins were that is. It had turned into an act of boredom, to a village wide festivity.

Some of the children found what the shinobi were doing, and wanted to join in, so they helped the adults by making paper planes and paper cranes. Some of the chuunin decided to use cranes, and made them act as summons for the jounins. Madara's mini bijuu had to battle summons now, the cranes were the said summons. The genin that had decided to join in on the fun acted as scouts, as well as announcers, and told the audience what was happening, some of them had moved some mirrors so that those that could not see the action could view it. The scouting genin acted like an early warning system for the jounin and chunin, Madara paid them little mind, since the water and the air above the fountain was laced with his chakra he knew everything that was going on in his fountain battlefield.

Sometime By lunchtime, his seal tag alerted him to Pein and Konon's fun having ended, but since he was having even more fun, he decided to ignore it on favor of his fun. From somewhere in the crowd, one of his Akatsuki members moved near him, Akasuna no Sasori brought with him two sandwiches, one for himself and one for Madara, he still had some humanity in him, as well as mortality, as he had yet to implement his plan of completely turning himself into a puppet. He was in the village since he needed to deliver his report to Madara personally, but decided that since as a child he had not experienced that much fun, he decided to act like the child that he appeared to be, he actually looked like a fifteen year old at the time, he had performed a bit of puppet surgery on himself, like most puppet master are wont to do.

His partner, Deidara, had come with him to also present his own report, he too had decided to join in on the fun. Both Akatsuki members were in Hidden Found for the purpose of personally delivering their reports to the true leader of Akatsuki, the rest of the world thought of Pein's shadowed figure as the leader.

Sasori had killed the Sandaime Kazekage since the man was not as good as he appeared to publicly be. He had been one of the most corrupt people that had the fortune of being name Kazekage. In public he was known as being one of the most beloved by his people. He had risen through the ranks by killing any that opposed him, while leaving evidence that they had been doing things against the village in secret, when it truth he was the one who performed those acts. The man had also gone through several jinchuuriki during his reign, as he tried to create bloodlines through the creation of mutations by the infusion of youki with the bodies of humans. He then placed the jinchuurikis under a genjutsu to make them donate their genetically altered sperm cells to unwilling and unconscious receipients, when what they had done was revealed, the demon was extracted and sealed into the ceremonial tea kettle containing the spirit of a mad priest, while waiting for another potential host to be found. While Kazekage the man had also laid down the plans or the groundwork for the future fall of his village, whatever it was that happened in his childhood to make him dislike his home so much was unknown, but it was possibly due to something the original Madara had come up with. Whatever the case may be, Sasori had ended his secret reign of terror and willingly sacrificed himself for his village, that and he really wanted an iron sand wielding puppet to add to his collection.

Deidara was a former Iwa-jounin, that turned nuke-nin since some of the council members of his village wanted him to use his art in destroying buildings and taking away the lives of a large number of innocents that need not lose everything they held dear, most especially their lives. So he went against orders and turned traitar, he became a nuke-nin for hire. Being a demolition expert those that had a great dislike for Iwa hired him to do what he did best to the one village that he knew the most about. It got so bad that he had even been contracted into blowing up a portion of the Tsuchikage's office. Madara had personally been the one to recruit him this time around, seeing as he had been bumped up in threat level, he needed an out to keep his life, after all he had a family to think of too. That was one of the reasons why he had gone rogue, one of the places that the council wanted him to nuke to kingdom come was where his wife and child lived, so what if they were helping insurgents in the area, they were still his family. In the world, it was family first, at least to those who knew what was important in life. Madara assured him that no matter what he did in the world, his family would be kept safe behind all the extreme protective measures which Hidden Found had.

The bomb expert and the puppet master lent Madara their strength in the mini battle taking place in the fountain. The bomb expert providing the exploding cannonballs for each side, and the puppet master providing the cannons. Sasori brought out some of his spare parts to turn into canons for the boats. All in all it was a blast. But the time mid afternoon arrived Madara decided that there needed to be a winner before he left to go and talk to Pein. But what to do, he didn't know. He would not lose to his nin, and he could not decide which side of his two armies he wanted to win. It was a good thing that some of the children that were watching did something that made his decision for him, they decided to play around the fountain, resulting in one of them pushing another one of them into the fountain, which caused all the participants to stop what they were doing. Since none of them wanted to accidentally harm one of the children, that is except for Madara, the reason he stopped his playing was that the children that fell in splashed him with water. The splash was big enough to wet him from head to toe.

Everyone around him stopped their merry making along with anything else that they were doing, some people actually stopped breathing, but those people were shinobi therefore unconsciously did other things to let them survive. They waited with bated breath for whatever it was that their leader would do. The children that had wet him were shivering in fear.

Madara raised a hand to his face to brush off the water there. He looked down, and saw that indeed his whole body had gotten wet, by children no less. He looked over at the children with a kind of mischevous glint in his eyes. Once his eyes locked onto the kids, he started to open his mouth. The adults around him feared that he would let out a gout of flame to consume the children or seomthing like that. But it was the one thing that they were not expecting that happened. Instead of a gout of flame or something like that it was a laugh.

Madara found the situation too funny for him to do anything else, he just laughed. It was not a scary laugh, or one filled with malice, but a happy one. The people closest to him were immediately infected by it, and began laughing as well. Until almost everyone ended up laughing.

"It seems that it has become a three way tie, haha," he said, then he faced the children once again, "Thank you for the good laugh."

The children were young, so instead of saying 'your welcome' or something along those lines, the ones in the water and the ones near him, did something that many adults had wanted to but never got to do, they jumped him. The children swarmed him, and hugged him, and the like, and the laughter began a new. After a while the laughter died, everyone treated the day like a holiday, and finally went their own ways.

"Didn't think you were good with kids Madara-sama," Sasori said.

"Same here, un," Deidara said.

"I have to be if I'm to properly take care of my daughter," Madara said.

"WHAT?! You've got a kid?!" Sasori and Deidara shouted in surprise, they didn't think that Madara would admit to ever having a kid, the man didn't look like the family man type. The people that were lingering near the fountain that heard the minor announcement, were surprised as well. No one in all of Lost and Found knew that their leader had a kid.

"So..why didn't anyone know about you having a kid?" Sasori asked.

"Never thought of mentioning it actually."

"Oh, so where is your kid then?" Deidara asked.

"In Konoha, if you ever visit the village, feel free to visit me, I run a ramen stand there."

"Seriously? Cool!" Deidara said.

"Uhm..Madara-sama, we originally came to give you our reports, should we move to your office?" Sasori asked.

"Just give the 'me' in my office the written one, I'll read it later as I'm heading for Ame, unless the two of you want to come with."

"S'alright Madara-sama, we'll stay here," Deidara answered for the two of them.

Madara then promptly teleported to where he knew Pein to be. He appeared before the man, as he sat behind his desk in his office somewhere in Ame. Madara had taught Pein how to access Nature chakra, which allowed him to make full use of the Rin'negan, and be able to move around, and play with Konan. Pein was his alias, and Nagato was his real name. Ame had finally been placed under his control. Hanzo was one nin that may not have been easy to take down, but with Madara on his side, Nagato was able to pull it off.

After arriving, Madara listened to Pein as he gave him his report about all things Akatsuki. After which, Madara decided to give the young man a rundown of everything that he, Madara, had been up to. He also informed the Ame ruler about his having a daughter in Konoha. The two men talked about Akatsuki, as well as went through the mission reports about all the missions that the other nations, hidden villages, and daimyou had hired Akatsuki to do, Kumo being the only ones that did not hire Akatsuki as extensively as the rest of the nations. Then the two men talked about the treatment of the jinchuuriki of the bijuu. Pein, pointed out during their talk that something needed to be done about Yagura, the Yondaime Mizukage, and soon else something big and bad was going to befall the Land of Water.

Through the organization's spies in the Land of Water, Pein and Madara had found out that the population generally knew that something was wrong with their leader, a smaller number knew that a genjutsu was placed on him, and a smaller number knew that the unbreakable genjutsu made him do the things that he did. Yagura was still the jinchuuriki of the sanbi, but given a little more time, and it would no longer still be inside him. There were people that noticed that Yagura had done a total one-eighty once he was named Yondaime, the ones that noticed it at first was his family. There were times when he would be able to fight the genjutsu and return to his old self, but the jutsu would quickly return to being in control.

"Pein, I want you to find a way to lure Yagura out of the Land of Water, I need to meet him to remove the jutsu, as well as safely remove the demon sealed within him."

"As you wish Madara-sama, but where would you want to meet him?"

"Konoha would be my best bet, try and manipulate events in order for him to travel to Konoha where I will be waiting. Just make sure that the jounin Ao accompanies him when he makes the journey."

"Why him, Madara-sama?"

"He has been able to see clearly beyond the illusion."

"Not to be rude, but why him?"

"That's all the reason I can think up at the moment."

After that, the meeting ended, and Madara decided to do back to Hidden Found, change his clones, gain the knowledge of the old ones, then head back to Konoha. He had a daughter to care for, a ramen stand to man, an Uchiha to befriend, and a customer to serve.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: If its Naruto, I don't own it. If someone else owns it, I definitely don't own it.

Warning: OCs OOCs Sues, and some crack. You have been warned.

Note: AU.

Note #2: Read Lost if you want something more serious.

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**Screw It**

**Chapter Seven**

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After waking up, Hiruzen noticed that it was Naruto that had woken him up, and not one of his guards. How he had gotten in, the old man did not know, but he did know that a three year old would have a decidedly hard time getting into one of the most securely secure places in all of Konoha. Not just anyone could get into the place without the knowledge of at least of the Anbu, or himself.

After he read the note that Naruto had given him, he told the boy that he could sleep in his bed, then left the room to berrate his guards for allowing someone to get Naruto in his house. He didn't mind that Naruto was brought to his house, but what ticked him off, was that the man could have been an assassin and his guards didn't know about it. He'd be dead, and Naruto might have been blamed for it, and his guards would have been the last to know. Naruto was good at breaking and entering without getting caught, but he wasn't that good.

Once he was done berrating his guards, he ordered one of the to fetch Hyuuga Hiashi and Hizashi and meet him in his office. The note explain in summary what had happened, as well as details about how pathetic security was. It was signed, Ramen Man.

When he arrived at his office, no one but him and his guards were around. For some reason he had left his key in his office, and the Anbu didn't have a spare on them, since he didn't want to wake anyone else, he decided that it would be a great idea to break into the Hokage Tower.

He knew everything there was to know about keeping things out of his tower, the getting in part was not so easy. Sure Naruto could do it, how he did it, Hiruzen had no idea. The only reason his window could be used as an entrance, was because he was still in the building when it was used as one. But now that no one was in the tower, it was locked up tight, and still Naruto would have been able to do. That child could go anywhere as long as he got it into his head that he really wanted to.

He had his Anbu try every thing and anything that they could think off, but nothing they did gained them entrance into the building. Then one of the Anbu decided that it would be a good idea to try and blow up the door, but before the Hokage could stop him, the fireballs hit the doors which then sounded the alarm that someone was trying to break into the Hokage Tower. This action called the attention of all available anbu in the village, and they all appeared around the Hokage and the anbu that were with him, all of them ready to attack. When everything was explained to them they all tried to open the door, apparently none of them had brought a key. One of the anbu was luckly a Hyuuga, and she was able to pick the lock all the while making sure she was doing it right by seeing through the door and into the lock.

Along with the left keys were the different cards that were used to shut off all the security measures that were turned on when the building was closed. Which made the way to his office a perilous one, many of the anbu were sent to the hospital, but all of them were happy to be of use to their Hokage, being able to in the future tell their friends and family that they had been allowed to break into the Hokage Tower was just a bonus, or at least it would have been had Hiruzen not explicitly forbidden it from being mentioned.

Once safely and finally in his office, the Hokage was given only a few short minutes to make himself look presentable and comfortable seated behind his desk, for the first time without any paperwork on it. After the short few minutes were over, the Hyuuga twins were allowed inside.

The twins stood at attention before their Hokage showing him the respect he deserved and more considering they had turned the anbu that woke them to mush and all. They waited for him to speak, instead of simply asking him why they had been summoned at this ungodly hour.

"It has come to my attention that not only has village security been compromised, but your heir has been kidnapped, but was returned shortly after."

"H-Hokage-sama? I-I was not aware of such a thing," Hiashi said.

"I made sure to assign guards to watch over her," Hizashi said.

"It has also come to my attention, that due to your clan being as divided as it is possibly one or more of your clansmen have betrayed the clan, and most likely helped the kidnapper. When the man that returned your heir to her room, he noticed that there were no guards posted anywhere near her room. Also I will need to speak to the anbu about security."

"What are you saying Hokage-sama?" Hiashi asked.

"I am saying that I will be contacting one of my students and having him devise a new seal to be used by your whole clan to safeguard your prized bloodline, as well as hopefully unite your clan. A clan divided is more likely to fall as compared to a clan united."

"Domo arigato gozaimasu, Hokage-sama," Hizashi and Hiashi said as they bowed low to their Hokage. Both men had secretly wanted to unite the clan, one was the head of the branch family and had no power, and one was the head of the main family yet could not go against the elders of his clan. With the Hokage ordering the unification, there was nothing those dusty old bastards in the Hyuuga Elders's Coucil could do about it, save for civil war.

"Another thing, Hizashi I want you to inform your members that the village needs more Hyuuga in ANBU. Hiashi as the head of a prestigious clan in our village, I want you to talk to the other clan heads into talking to their members into gaining rank, and for more to possibly join ANBU. For not one, but two people to take advantage of the lower standards of security is an eye opener, even though the villages are gearing towards peace, maybe Kumo's got it right, peace is good, but not if our security was not good enough for us not to see peace be achieved."

"Hai, Hokage-sama. I will try," the two brothers said at the same time.

"One last thing before I allow you to return home, I want the notes on your clan's seal. All the notes on the thing on my desk no later than this afternoon. Is that clear, and I don't give a rat's ass if your elders say otherwise. Hiashi, You ARE clan head, therefore you have the power and ability to do nigh anything that you wish. Hizashi kindly remind your twin of that fact. I give you full authority to hit him should he forget his priorities."

"Arigato Hokage-sama," Hizashi said, and smiled after, which caused Hiashi to feel a little dread.

"Hai, Hokage-sama," Hiashi said after the feeling passed.

"Alright then, you are both dismissed. Hiashi, check up on your daughter before returning to bed."

Hiruzen waited for Hyuuga Twins to leave his office before he ordered one of the anbu that remained in the building to fetch Morino Ibiki, Mitarashi Anko, Uzuki Yuugao, and Tenzou. While waiting, Hiruzen ordered some of the other ANBU to fetch him a map of the village, along with other security related things.

The four nin that had been summoned entered the office a short while after the summons had been ordered. They stood at attention awaiting their orders.

"Ibiki, Anko, Yuugao, Tenzou, the reason I called the four of you in here was that you four are the most senior members of ANBU, as well as the ones who hold the highest positions. A source had given me information pertaining to the security of the village. I want ANBU standards to be raised to war time standards. I want no slacking on the part of ANBU. Early tonight our security was compromised twice. The first time we could have lost the Hyuuga heir, the second time could have lost me my life."

Creating a kage bushin, Hiruzen handed copies of the information and documents that he had the other ANBU gather to the four standing at attention in front of him.

"In these scrolls are all the information you four will need in coming up with higher security. Not only do I want security raised, I also want the village purged of any and all spies."

Hiruzen informed the four anbu about all the other village-anbu related things that he wanted them to increase, decrease, raise, and the like. Come sunrise, Hiruzen expected the village to be safer than when he first went to bed. There was also the matter of who it was exactly that brought Naruto to him, as well as saved Hyuuga Hinata. Another thing to puzzle over was who 'Ramen Man' was.


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: If its Naruto, I don't own it. If someone else owns it, I definitely don't own it.

Warning: OCs OOCs Sues, and some crack. You have been warned.

Note: AU.

Note #2: Read Lost if you want something more serious.

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**Screw It**

**Chapter Eight**

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Once the Hyuuga twins made it back to the compound the two brothers immediately rushed to the room of the clan hier. They needed to make sure that it had not been a mistake, that the Hokage was for some sadistic reason pulling their legs. They found Hinata sleeping in her bed, sleeping peacefully. On the table beside her bed was a rolled up scroll. Written on it was a letter addressed to them from Naruto detailing the events that took place, up until he and Madara left the note on the bedside table. In the scroll was a storage seal, upon releasing what lay within, the brothers found another scroll. This other scroll contained an even more detailed observation of everything that had transpired that night, down to the exact coordinates of the remains of the Kumo-nin, the exact coordinates of every body part. There was also a detailed assessment of all the problems Madara had with the clan's security. The first scroll was signed Naruto with a spiral beside it, and the second one was signed Ramen Man, sealed in this scroll were thirteen coupons for free ramen at the Ichiraku Ramen stand.

Deciding against doing anything while everyone else was asleep the two brothers decided to go to sleep, and for the first time in years the brothers decided to sleep together, in the same futon, in the same room, more like in the same room as their parents. Which came to a shock to their parents, both of whom were elders of the clan, elders that were unable to do much to help their two children. The only difference between when they were children and the present occasion, was that they wore the clothes that they had left the compound in, and not pajamas.

In the morning a few minutes after the sun rose over the horizon, the Hyuuga brothers were both woken up by their mother, and told to go back to their own rooms. It was cute seeing the two men acting like children and sleeping in the same room as their parents, but she didn't want her boys surprising their father with such an action. The two men left the room walking side by side like equals, like when they were still child. The opted not to go back to their respective rooms, and decide to for once bask in each other's company over breakfast, in the main family's kitchen no less. When the morning staff saw the two leaders eating cereal that morning, they were all shocked and scared. They feared the end of the world. They may be brothers, twins at that, but they were the heads of the two families of the Hyuuga clan. It was a shocking sight. As the twins continued their meal oblivious to the stares of the staff, they ended up talking about nonsense, the weather, and whatever else caught their fancy. Deciding to up the ante of their childlike behavior, the younger of the two flicked a cereal to his brother's face. The reaction he got was a grim looking Hiashi who slowly reached across the table, picked up his brother's bowl and dumped its contents on his brother's head. What happened after that was a mad chase around the entire compound. The twin heads of the Hyuuga clan were running around the compound barefoot, and causing wanton chaos to occur all over the compound. Sometime while they were doing that they simultaneously created a kage bushin each to gather the notes on the Caged Bird seal and deliver them to the Hokage. The kage bushin was one of the things that both brothers had learned before they were married, it was their own little rebellion against the clan, they didn't learn it together, but being brothers made their thoughts and ideas similar, in that case very similar.

The chase of the two brothers ended with the two of them falling into one of the koi ponds found around the compound. They then splashed around a bit, while trying to stand, but due to their clothes being all wet, and their having long hair, they really had a hard time untangling themselves from one another. Of the pair it was Hizashi that had someone fetch them some towels, the one that actually did it was one of the older branch members that had been their caretaker when they were little. She, with the help of some of the other branch members got the two brothers out of the pond. With all the nostalgia in the air, she gave the two men a stern talking to. Things like they should know better than to fool around around the koi ponds, and running in the halls barefoot, which was another thing she railed on them about. The two men actually looked sheepish, which caused a lot more Hyuuga to fear the end of the world. They ended up somehow being dragged by their ears to the clan bathouse, covered in towels. The branch members that had witnessed what occurred followed the trio at a distance.

"Aren't you going to leave?" Hizashi asked their former nanny.

"No, I am most certainly not. If you are going to act like children, I am going to treat the two of you like children. Now strip and get in the water!" the old lady said.

The branch member, and some main members, that were easedropping outside couldn't believe what they had heard, and seen for that matter, for indeed the twin heads really were acting like children. They didn't know if it was an omen of good or bad things to come, but whatever it was that prompted the two men to act like boys was a sign of something to come.

The old lady, who's name was Hisoka, exited the bathouse momentarily just to inform two other main members that she had watched over from time to time to fetch Hitomi and Naomi from their rooms and bring them to the bathouse, and to bring a set of their husband's clothes. The two main members ran off, a deep fear of finding out what punishment their old watcher may dish out, she was quite fearsome when she acted like her old nanny self.

The two members returned a few minutes later, with a dressed and ready for the day pair of women, that had brought a set of clothing for their husbands. They then handed them over to Hisoka, and watched as she reentered the bathhouse again. They along with all the other onlookers ran a distance away when they heard thumps from the other side of the doors.

"Now get going and do whatever it is that you two are supposed to do, no more of this fooling around, else telling your mother of your actions will be the least of your problems. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes Ma'm!" the two men replied, then instantly left. They both shunshin'd out of there, it wasn't the best way that they could have left her presence, but it was the fastest way that they could think of.

"Ko! Domu! Get in here and help me clean up this mess!" Hisoka shouted. Two other Hyuuga entered joined her, one a main family member, and the younger one a branch member. They were both brother and sister, the older one the brother. They both were forced to help out Hisoka with whatever the heck needed tidying up in the place.

The two men appeared in each of their own children's rooms. Which startled the usually stoic Hyuugas that were with them. Hinata's reaction to the sudden appearane of her father was to faint, while Neji's reaction to the appearance of his father was to just sit where he was and stare at the man. The other Hyuuga in the rooms quickly left without a word. Both men told their children to get dress, and meet them at the gate. They too left the rooms, and walked off in search of their wives, both of which they didn't know where to find, and since it was taboo to use their doujutsu while in the compound unless training, they had to do the search like how everyone else searched for people, walking around and asking others, which surprised most of the people they asked, a few of whom actually fainted from shock.

The two men managed to find their wives, both of whom were waiting at the compound gate with their respective children. The two men, then grabbed hold of their respective wife's hand, and with the other their child's, and led them out of the compound. All six were dressed for a day out. It was the creepiest thing that the rest of Konoha had ever seen. Even the Hokage that decided to check up on them got totally creeped out. He went so far as to have an anbu squad shadow them. Since the brothers had apparently forgotten to inform the rest of the clan about the removal and replacement of the Caged Bird seal, the Hokage had to send an anbu to deliver the message, the scroll in which the order was contained bore the seal of the Hokage. The Hyuuga elders could whine, bitch, and moan about it, but with something like that on an order scroll from the Hokage himself, nothing short of the Daiyou himself could render such an order null and void.

As the six Hyuuga were out walking around the village, they made their way to the Ichiraku Ramen stand, but found that it was closed for the day, so the two brothers decided that they would eat there the next day. After having lunch in one of the restaurants that the Akimichi owned, the six made their way first to a training field. Hiashi being the clan head had intimate knowledge about the workings of the clan's seal. Thus after going through a seal set, he touched each of the three branch members, it did not matter where. This action caused their seals to evaporate. Hizashi knew what his brother had done, but his wife and son had no clue. The younger of the twins then told his wife and son to remove that which hid their foreheads. Which they did all the while wondering why they were doing such a thing as showing their brandedness to the world. They were surprised when his forehead was bare, save for a few creases, of anything resembling a seal of any sort. Which meant that they two were sealess. The two brothers then explained what the Hokage had ordered to happen, which they accepted happily. When asked where they were going to go next, Hiashi said that they would be going to a park, the children needing to have more interactions with those their own age.

While the children were playing, their parents sat on separate benches, and actually acted like they were dating. Which, like with their clan, surprised the other people around them. The children of those other people wondering why their parents had shocked or surprised looks on their faces.

A few minutes into their playing, Neji found himself defending his younger cousin from a few bullies. The bullies chose the wrong Hyuuga to bully. Neji acted like an older brother and a bodyguard rolled into one, even at the age of four he already showed signs of his being a prodigy, even without that much training in the clan's taijutsu, he soundly trounced the bullies, and sent them crying to their parents, wailing about a mean Hyuuga, which was quite normal as Hyuuga's were considered as emotionel and straight to the point, fearsome people.

After a few more minutes, Hiashi decided to drag his brother over to play a game of shougi with Nara Shikaku, who was there with his family and friends and their families. The Nara head consented to a game, his friends cheering him on as he played three games with each twin, he won once, lost once, and tied once, per Hyuuga twin. Before the adults could go for another round of shougi, Neji walked up to his uncle, pulling on the sleeve of his shirt, he told him that Hinata had somehow gotten stuck up one of the trees that were littered around the park. Hizashi then picked his son up, placed him on his shoulders, and lead the way to the tree that Hinata had somehow gotten herself stuck on.

For some reason, Hiashi had forgotten that he was a shinobi, and could have just jumped up or walked up the tree to fetch his daughter, same went for Hizashi. The two brothers then proceeded to do one of the craziest, while at the same time dumbest, things they had ever done in their lives. After Hizashi told his son to go get his mother and aunt, Hiashi leap frogged onto his brother's shoulders and tried to grab hold of one of the lower branches of the tree. Hinata instead of feeling scared of being stuck up a tree, had found what her father and her uncle were doing to be somewhat funny. The two men swayed here and there, when their wives arrived the two women did not bother reminding their husbands that they were shinobi, and jounin at that, they just giggled into their hands, Neji just looked on in confusion.

When finally Hiashi managed to hoist himself up into the tree, he balanced on the branch and walked to his daughter, he picked her up.

"Zashi! Catch her!" Hiashi shouted to his brother before he threw her daughter down.

"Wha..oomf!" Hizashi was able to catch Hinata, but for some reason the action caused him to land on his ass, with his niece in his arms.

"Zashi! You okay?" Hiashi asked from his perch up in the tree.

"Aniki, get down from there before you fall and hurt yourself!" Hizashi told his brother.

Instead of jumping down, Hiashi climbed a few more feet to see what his younger brother would do. The twin's families found their antics quite funny, as did the older Ino-Shika-Cho trio who had decided to see what the Hyuuga twins were doing. The women in the group decided to usher their children away and let their fathers play.

Hizashi had somehow managed to goad the trio into helping him catch his older brother. The five men proceeded to have the most fun that they'd ever had in years, all the while forgetting that they were shinobi, but where's the fun in that. Hizashi even managed to get the lazy Nara to try and catch the older Hyuuga. Somehow what they were doing ended up as a game of tag, it wasn't shinobi speed tag, but the men were climbing branches, and jumping from one tree to another.

The day at the park ended with Hiashi being at the bottom of a dogpile consisting of his brother, the Ino-Shika-Cho trio, three Inuzuka, Aburame Shibi had somehow lost his cool and joined in, and six other jounin fathers. Their wives then gathered their husbands and children and all the families went home.


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: If its Naruto, I don't own it. If someone else owns it, I definitely don't own it.

Warning: OCs OOCs Sues, and some crack. You have been warned.

Note: AU.

Note #2: Read Lost if you want something more serious.

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**Screw It**

**Chapter Nine**

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It was lunch time at the ramen stand which Madara owned and ran with his cute daughter acting as the waitress, on occasion they would have the help from one of Madara's Bijuu servants or a lesser demon. But today was different, the night before the stand had gone through an overhaul, in short the stand had been transformed into a full blown restaurant, that now served more than just ramen, but ramen was still the speciality. Today was the first day that all nine of Madara's primary servants were helping out with cooking, while the lesser demons were the waiters and waitresses and were under the command of Ayame their head, basically she was their nine year old floor supervisor. Even though it was their first day as a restaurant there were a lot of people, the breakfast bunch had told their friends about the things that went on inside.

The demons had a tendency to go about their business in a rather different way as compared to other establishments' employees. They acted like acrobats as well as warrior, but with everything they did, they made sure that no customer was harmed, they all feared the wrath of their masters' Master.

There were customers everywhere, but none of them stood out, all of the customers were civilians, most of which came only to see the craziness that their friends had told them about. Chopsticks, plats, bowls, forks, spoons, knives, if it can be found in a restaurant or a kitchen, it was there sailing through the air, being passed around by the waiters. There was some music in the background, it was not only for the entertainment of the customers, but also for the waiters to have something to set the pace of their movements, even the kitchen staff followed the pace of the music. The music wasn't too fast, or too slow, it was just right, giving the customers just enough time to watch the employee antics while waiting for their meal, and not get bored of the waiting.

The first shinobi affiliated customers that arrived at the restaurant were the six Hyuuga that for the first time acted like a real family the day before. The maitre d led the party of six to one of the tables nearest to the kitchens. The tables in the restaurant being round tables allowed the family members to face each other. They were not treated any differently compared to the other customers. In Ichiraku Ramen all were equal. The waitress assigned to their table arrived shortly after they were seated, she was a tiger demon, but they didn't know that since she was in her human form, which kind of resembled a Hyuuga, except with orangish colored hair with black stripes in the mix. The handed the family their menus and waited for their orders. Hiashi had brought the thirteen coupons that he and his brother received from the scroll, and ordered thirteen different flavors of ramen, along some other foods that had caught their eye. After their orders were taken their waitress simply walked into the kitchen to hand the list of orders over to the nearest chef, which just happened to be Madara himself.

The Hyuuga watched the entertainment while they waited for their orders, until a nine year old girl approached their table, Ayame brought with her some kiddie placemats and colored pencils, she then placed them in from of the two children. Ayame then told the mothers that should they need anything else just call for one of the waiters. After doing her, well, job, she went back to doing whatever it was that kept her busy for most of the time, she was actually doing some school work, since for some reason her father had pulled her out of school and decided to get her a private tutor in the scholarly arts, her teacher was actually a demon that had been living in Konoha since the founding, his quirk being that he loved corrupting young boys. There was a reason why Orochimaru turned out the way he did, all twisted and such.

The next shinobi affiliated people to arrive were the Hiruzen and Naruto. The maitre d sat them at a table within talking distance of the Hyuuga party. The same waitress assigned to the Hyuuga arrived at their table, handed out the menus, and waited for their order. Naruto quickly ordered five bowls of beef ramen, while the Hokage after persusing the menu simply ordered an order of chicken yakitori with udon, some agedashi tofu, and a plate full of sushi, as for drink Hiruzen ordered some cold sake, and orange juice for Naruto. After delivering the order, the waitress returned and informed Naruto that he could order as much ramen as he wanted, it was on the house according to her boss. Naruto even though he was ecstatic at the prospect of free ramen opted to wait for his first five bowls before ordering any more.

Shortly after the waitress left, the two were joined by Ayame with her homework, which was just some math excercises. She told the Hokage that she was there to make sure that "Naru-chan" ate properly, and also to keep him company, since the Hokage was old, basically some stuff that she had come up with as a reason to sit with her father's favorite customer.

The two tables of shinobi parties watched how their food finally arrived. Their orders did not come out of the kitchen, rather they fell from the ceiling only to be caught by a passing waitress to pass to another waiter, who passed it on to their waitress who set the food down on the table. The food arrived in rapid succession, Hizashi had gotten it into his head that he wanted to know how fast the service of the place was and ordered a Peking Duck as the last order. Normally something like that took some time to make, but in this restaurant it seemed like the norm did not apply, since the duck ordered right after the order of unagi rice meal for two. But the fastest among all the orders were the ramen, instead of being thrown across the room like the other orders, the ramen bowls flew out of who knows where only to ricochet off of different things and land where they were supposed to, and none of them spilled. Ramen truly was the Ichiraku Ramen Restaurant specialty.

While the Hyuuga and Hokage ate, they noticed that whenever Naruto finished a bowl of ramen, the bowl simply disappeared in a mini elemental shunshin. When the little boy ordered another bowl it arrived just as fast as before, but the second time around that his ramen order came, the Hyuuga, the men, and Hokage noticed that the bowls were different from those of the other customers, they seemed to be of a greater quality, and they also seemed to have more in them, than the other's ramen. When the three men decided to ask their waitress why that was, she told them it was because Naruto was her boss' favorite customer, as well as number one customer, even though he hadn't been a customer for very long. Hiruzen then noticed that even Naruto's chopsticks were different, they were actually personalized, he actually had two sets of chopsticks. One set had the words 'For Ramen Only', the other had the words 'Anything goes Naruto'. Truly a special customer, to even have personalized eating utensils. When Hiruzen asked the waitress again why that was, she replied that it was just because he was special. But when asked about the free ramen, she said that it was because of his performance somewhere, she didn't know where or when, but that was the answer she was told to give.

Many more shinobi families and groups arrived as the lunch hour moved on, it was during the arrival of the a few Akimichi that everyone else noticed something that they could swear was not there before, there were seals faintly glowing all over the place, that was also the time that they noticed that the lighting of the place was not actually light bulbs, but glowing seals that were etched on the ceiling. What some of the customers wanted to find out was where were the Akimichi going to be seated.

A whole section of the wall opened up to reveal more space, from the outside the restaurant actually didn't look all that big, but once one was inside, the place was rather spacious, it was all those seals. What all the customers were unaware of, and what Ayame decided to tell the Hokage, was that the restaurant actually had a second floor fully furnished, and would only make itself known when the restaurant needed more seats. After the new area was revealed the seals that were faintly glowing blended back into the background, but if one were to look closely on say the walls, he or she would be able to see the seals still glowing, but with the light even weaker than that of a dying ember.

The maitre d brought the big boned party to the available seats, and a waiter quickly arrived, handed out the menus, and waited for their orders, and what a list it was. Akimichis were known for their appetite, just as mich as they were known for that one word that really set them off. The customers wanted to know how fast the service could be with the Akimichi present, there were more people arriving every how many minutes, the customers wanted to know if the staff could handle so many orders. Some of them even thought that the only way that it could be done was if the staff were demons.

Just as fast as the all the other orders were served, the Akimichi orders arrived more or less just as fast. The acrobatic skills shown by the waiters and watresses that were assinged to bringing the large party their meals were doing things with their bodies that even the Tsurugi clan would have a hard time performing. One of the Akimichi had apparently ordered a lot of ramen, and when the bowls appeared, the whole restaurant, including the large party were shocked at the speed, accuracy, and precision shown by whomever it was that was sending out the bowls of ramen. There was a total of fifty orders of ramen, ten different flavored ramen were flying in the air at the same time, they all somehow managed to land in symetric piles forming near pyramids infront of the one who had ordered all of them. The last thing to arrive at that table was a pair of chopsticks that were handed to the clansman personally by the owner of the restaurant. The set had the sentence 'First 50 in a row, enjoy!' inscribed on it.

"Ladies, and gentlemen, I hope you enjoy your meal, should you need anything else, just call on one of the waiters, and they shall assist you," Madara said after shaking the hand of the man he had handed the chopsticks to, he then made his way over to the Hokage.

"I do hope you are enjoying your meal, as well as the company of my daughter," Madara said.

"Delicious actually, I'm thinking of bring some of my other clansmen over sometime," Hiruzen said.

"Dara-jiji, the ramen's great! Like usual!" Naruto told Madara.

"Thank you for the compliments, Naruto-kun, Hokage-sama," Madara said, and turned to leave, but was stopped by the Hokage.

"Excuse me, but would you happen to know someone known as 'Ramen Man'?" the aged Hokage asked.

"Sure do, don't worry Hokage-sama he means Konoha no harm, he's the leader of some new hidden village in the world," Madara answered.

"How do you know this?"

"Let's just say that he enjoys ramen just as much as I love cooking it."

"Alright, but could you pass on a message, to this other ramen conosuer?"

"Sure, what is it?"

"Thank you."

"Your welcome," said a voice on the wind that vaguely sounded like Madara and Minato, when he was a teen, at the same time.

"Is that all Hokage-sama?" Madara asked the Hokage after playing with the wind.

"Ah..yes, that is all."

Madara then returned to the kitchen, to continue cooking, while he was talking to the Hokage, he had implanted some suggestions into the old man's mind, that would lead him into not seeing 'Ramen Man' as a threat to Konoha, but a possible unkown ally.

For the rest of the day, at different times, more and more shinobi arrived, attracted by the sound and feeling of joy that emanated from the restaurant, the street where the restaurant could be found, was at the edge of the food and beverage district, in a place that held no competion for the restaurant, but at the same time there was no means to advertise its location, the only way was through word of mouth, that apparently worked out quite well. The Akimichi party that had gone to eat there for lunch only heard of it in passing, from one of the morning customers. The party had actually not been able to find a restaurant that could accommodate all of them, and they were about to give up and go home, but when they finally came across Ichiraku Ramen Restaurant they knew they found the perfect place to eat. Not only was the food great, but so was the service and entertainment. There also appered to be some sort of secret contest, whose rules and criteria were very difficult to find out, since most of the staff refused to part with the answer to any inquiries, the only information they were able to get was from Naruto, someone who some of the clan did not see as the demon, but those that did see him as a demon did not say or do anything while in the presence of the Hokage. Naruto had informed them that there at the moment one hundred eight prizes or trophies to be won, and the only requirement to joining in on the fun was to be a customer. That was all the information they got from him, because before he could elaborate, Ayame had arrived to drag him back to his table, to help the Hokage finish the sushi, which by the way was a lot.


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: If its Naruto, I don't own it. If someone else owns it, I definitely don't own it.

Warning: OCs OOCs Sues, and some crack. You have been warned.

Note: AU.

Note #2: Read Lost if you want something more serious.

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**Screw It**

**Chapter Ten**

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It was a rather hectic morning that Madara had woken up to, it was exactly six years since he began his new life in the world, it was also Naruto's sixth birthday, meaning that he would have to open up the second floor for a birthday party for Naruto. He'd also have to gather up some of his ninja to join the celebrations since Naruto knew them as some of them worked part-time in the restaurant. Usually as punishment, it was the worst thing that could happen to any Found-nin, not only did they have to blend in as citizens of Konoha, but they also had to perform at their best, meaning that they had to do as their demonic co-workers did. The ones assigned as kitchen staff had the worst of it, they had to deal with the Demon Lords, not all of them at once, but which ever one was second head chef, head always being Madara or one of his Ultimate Bushin, something that he had picked up from a Bushin Book written by a man named Rosuto Juushu. Madara would also have to invite some of the Anbu to come to the party, since they were also another group of people that knew Naruto. The Hokage would obviously be attending, along with whoever he decided to bring. There were also a few members of the various clans of Konoha that would be in attendance, these people being the ones that did not see Naruto as his tenant, and on occasion had helped the young lad. Ayame would also be in attendance for obvious reasons. Madara would also have to prepare all the food for the party, including a lot of ramen, and maybe even a special ramen cake.

Madara got out of bed and did his morning rituals, but instead of his usual clothes, he wore an entirely orange set, even the weapons he had on himself were orange. After finishing with his dressing, he went to his tweenaged daughter's room and woke her up, even though she would be attending the party did not mean that she didn't have things to do in the restaurant, she was the floor manager after all, as well as the employee supervisor, the boss of all the employees outside of the kitchen. Ayame unlike her father did not opt to wear a full orange suit, and just changed from her pajamas to regular clothes. After eating a quick breakfast the family of two left their home and headed for the work.

Most people were still asleep by the time the two arrived at the restaurant. Ayame went about getting into her uniform, while Madara remained in his orange clothes, not that it really mattered as most people didn't see him anyway. Madara went into the kitchen and passed his hand over the seal that would alert the employees that it was time to work. Once Ayame was in her uniform, which consisted of a blue short sleeved shirt and black pants, she had a little nametag pinned to her shirt that read 'Manager' and her name. She too like her father passed her hand over a seal, which also summoned the employees, as well as activating all the seals that made the interior of the place what it was.

The employees arrived one after the other, all of them appearing already in their uniforms, and ready to work. Today's secondary head chef was Kyuubi, making his assistants all kitsune, the kitchen staff depended on the Demon Lord, the kitchen staff was made up of the ruling class of the Makai of the lord in charge, the ones working outside the kitchens were a mixture of all the other Makai, none of them being from the ruling class. They may be servants of Madara, but that did not mean that he did not pay them, they each had a salary in ryo, so they could have some fun in Elemental should they wish it, they would be able to experience the joy of spending hard earned money.

But by this time not all the employees were demons, there were a few human employees as well, all of whom were shinobi that needed the extra cash, the Hokage didn't mind so long as they were able to perform and go on missions. Madara didn't have a problem with that, he actually encouraged it. But being shinobi made Madara watch their performance, he thought of their working for him as a way for him to train them into being better at their main job. Madara allowed the use of Jutsu in his restaurant so long as it was used for work. Ninja could spar for all he cared as long as it was integrated in work. The practice scared a few customers at first but after a week or two they got used to it. The ones that sparred while working were mostly chuunin, and the occassional jounin. Madara even created a point system for his human employees, similar to Employee of the week, it was shinobi of the week, the points were determined by how well the shinobi performed all in all, including their spars, as well as interaction with the customers.

At some point in time the Hokage decided to have a silver haired Anbu named Inu work part-time in the place, coincidentally at the same time as Maito Gai decided to try working part-time at the place. Their spars were considered legendary by customer standards, since they really did pull out some powerful skills, but even with all the chakra being let loose in the air and the like, the seals made doubly sure that the customers were always safe, but the two elites didn't know that, the customers guessed it but were never given confirmation.

On some occassions, the ninja customers would participate a little in the spars, and cause distractions by throwing shuriken, kunai, and at one time senbon, the demons always ran interference with these thrown weapons all the while doing their jobs, they also returned the thrown weapons to the thrower, along with a score card, with ratings on speed, accuracy, precision, and control. On a dare, a rather rare thing, Hiruzen had sent a wave of kunai at the human employees, then used Kage Kunai Bushin no Jutsu to multiply them, to the amazement of all that were present, all the ramen orders flew out and knocked all the original kunai into an open pouch which was delivered to the Hokage, the other kunai were all forcefully dispelled by the bowls. After that incident the Hokage was banned from doing anything of the sort in the restaurant by a pink clothed Madara who was holding a spatula in one hand and a cookie cutter in the other.

After the first customers arrived Madara left the kitchen in hands of one of his Ultimate Bushins, and teleported to his office in Hidden Found. Once there he had his clone henge into an Anbu and deliver the invitations to the jounins that were invited to the party. There was a teleportation pad in the office, which would be used by the jounin, it was created through runes and seals, and to use them required a one time use only key made by Madara, which usually was just a slip of paper with his chakra in it which would react with the chakra of one other person, the person that Madara allowed to use the teleporter. After that was done he dispelled the clone to gain its memories, then created another one to take its place.

Madara knew that Jiraiya had stumbled upon Akatsuki, along with some wrong information about the group, information about gathering the Bijuu or something like that, very much similar to Madara's past life. Sure the Hidden Villages and whatnot hired Akatsuki to do their dirty work, but the deal about the Bijuu was different this time around, good thing Jiraiya didn't have any info on the members yet, since Madara intended to bring Sasori, Deidara, Zetsu, Pein, Konan, and Kakuzu to the party, all of whom had already met Naruto, and the blonde had somehow befriended each of them.

Finally with everything prepared for the party, Madara left the restaurant again, but this time in search of Naruto to bring him to his party. By this time it was the afternoon, and the rest of the populace was already in party mode, it was the Kyuubi festival of course, starting on the day Naruto was born, it was a week long affair, it was also a week long hell for Naruto, which Madara and the Anbu knew it to be, since Madara had to come to the rescue of the boy a number of times. Even though Konoha was obviously not a place where Naruto should spend his childhood, Madara could not take Naruto away from the place, since when he offered the youth the chance to leave Naruto declined the offer saying that he would one day show all of Konoha, that was also the first time that he had proclaimed his dream of becoming Hokage. Madara was the first to hear it, and not the Hokage. Naruto told him not to tell the old man, saying that it was a secret, so Madara did not tell anyone. He also did not have the heart to take Naruto away from Konoha after that proclamation. The burning will of fire, of determination in the young man's eyes was enough to convince Madara that Naruto would survive, live and survive, somewhere along the line Madara had forgotten what it felt like, but after experiencing it again, he knew that even he, should he have been given the chance, would have chosen to stay in the hell hole than leave it.

When Madara left his restaurant he changed into his usual clothes so as not to draw any unwanted attention to himself, the orange was for Naruto anyway. His search for the blonde led him to the bar district, luckily he had arrived when he did, some drunks, even though it was afternoon, had conrned Naruto in an alley, the young blonde had nowhere to run or hide, from the dangerous and drunken citizens. Before the Weasel masked Anbu could make his move, Madara struck at the drunks, all of drunks, at the exact same time, or at least that was what most would have believed. Everyone in the area had been temporarily knocked out cold. To the Anbu present, one moment everyone was on their feet, after he blinked they were all unconscious, and Naruto was being lifted off the ground by Ichiraku rame chef. Itachi made himself known when the danger to his charge had been wiped out. He jumped down from the roof that he was perched on.

"So Itachi-san, are you coming or what?" Madara asked while walking away.

"H-how did you do that? You're only a civilian?" Itachi asked while he followed.

"We'll talk, after the party, ok?" Madara said.

"I guess..shouldn't we hurry up?" Itachi asked.

"Let's," Madara said as he took to the rooftops, making it obvious that he was no ordinary civilian.


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: If its Naruto, I don't own it. If someone else owns it, I definitely don't own it.

Warning: OCs OOCs Sues, and some crack. You have been warned.

Note: AU.

Note #2: Read Lost if you want something more serious.

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**Screw It**

**Chapter Eleven**

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The party had been a success, the Hokage was present, the Found-jounins didn't miss it for the world, a few day-off'ed demons showed up, the Akatsuki showed up as well, as were one or three clan members from the various other clans, the Hyuuga had eight members in attendance, even the Uchiha had representatives in the form of Itachi, in Anbu form, and Mikoto. A few uninvited, but not unwelcome, guests also joined the party, it was the author of Madara's Bushin book, Rosuto Juushu, he brought a book on chakra control for Naruto.

There had been fun and games, and eating and drinking, juice only, then there were the cakes, there were two cakes, Madara made a regular chocolate cake that looked like Gamabunta in icing, and a ramen tasting cake that looked like a steaming ramen bowl. It was one of the rare times that Madara allowed Naruto to eat something that was technically not healthy, no one but he knew that of course, not even Ayame.

Once the party drew to a close sometime after eight, Madara and Itachi volunteered to help Naruto bring all of his gifts back to his apartment. Once the Hokage left, the two men began sealing all the gifts in separate scrolls depending on what they believed to be inside the wrapped packages. The trio walked the whole way to the apartment building which, Madara actually owned, the man had bought the whole apartment complex to make sure that Naruto's life was a little bit easier, sure he still had to pay rent, and bills, but they weren't as high as when the previous owner had him pay them. The youth's living conditions were renovated and made new, sort of. The apartment complex had gone through a number of changes, most of which were to the whole look of the place, from furniture to the walls, the wiring, it was as if the whole complex was rebuilt from scratch, which it wasn't, it was just upgraded by a few levels. Another change to the complex were the inhabitants, some were kicked out, some were kept, and some were added, the most important criteria in being allowed to live in the complex was that the people should acknowledge the fact that Naruto was not the demon he contained. The complex was run and maintaned by a crew of demons, as well as some Found-nin that needed the extra cash.

Naruto's living quarters were actually the penthouse, while Madara didn't live in the place at all, he lived a few blocks away from his restaurant, in a house, no longer a cramp living space, but a house that he had bought a year after the stand was upgraded. The apartment now had an elevator which most of the civilians used, shinobi chose the stairs over the tight space that barely had any fighting room or more than one viable exit, jumping in through windows was a no-no, same went for jumping out. Even if the apartment was yours, it was against the complex's myriad of rules, one chunin found that jumping out, thinking that it wouldn't hurt, hurt a lot, there were a lot of security measures in place. The Anbu had been sent to test out the defenses of the place once it came to the Hokage's attention that someone had bought the place and changed it drastically, he wanted to know how safe Naruto was in his new-old home. The only Anbu that managed to enter was none other than Tenzou, and that was after having to extensively use his Mokuton ability. If only one Anbu could get in, with lots of scratches to boot, how would any run of the mill assassin, or plain civilian be able to endanger the child's life and home. Even the sewers underneath the complex were fortified. No one would outright die from attempting to break-in, but whomever tried would have a hard time getting away.

The Konoha citizens rejoiced when they saw the Anbu attacking the complex, with jutsu even, they thought that the Hokage had finally seen the light, and most were even openly cheering on the Anbu, but when they saw the Hokage with Naruto beside him on a roof, they refrained from shouting out the youth's secret, and some realized that something was amiss. The Anbu too at that point realized that something was seriously wrong with the picture, they were using heavy duty jutsu and there had yet to be any visible structural damage to the place. When their assult had finally ended, after Tenzou limped out of the complex lobby doors, the Hokage decided to have a go at it. He found to his dismay, that even he the "God of Shinobi" was unable to do more than shake the place up. After that little show of Kage-level force, the last line of defence for the building manifested, the Hokage had apparently done some damage to the structures inside the building, within the walls, in places not visible to the eye from the outside. The lsat line of defence had managed with its appearance, to freeze all the onlookers, especially the Hokage, since it was a man, or as they would later find out an automated battle puppet, that looked like Uchiha Madara the village co-founder, complete with armor. The puppet had a bowl of steaming ramen in one hand and chopsticks in the other and it was seated on one of the wires around the outside of the complex.

"Halt all hostile actions against the complex or feel the wrath of Uchiha Madara puppet version thirteen!" was the announcement made by the puppet.

After that little display someone in the crowd decided to see what it would do, so that person threw a rock at the place, which prompted the puppet to act, it threw one of the chopsticks it was holding in the direction of the thrower, then it dropped its jaw to release a gout of flame in the direction of the thrower. But before either attacks could hit their target, the stick was snapped back, and the flame extinguished.

"Sorry 'bout that! The friend-foe control seals haven't been finished yet!" the head of the complex's security said, while he dropped down all the defenses back to level one, which was what it was at during the start of the assult.

After that incident the apartment complex was deemed as one of the safest places in all of Konoha, barring the Anbu HQ, the Hokage Tower, and the Konoha prison. Which made applications to rent a unit skyrocket as compared to before, who cared if the demon brat lived there, it was the best place to live in, next to having one's own house, it was affordable too, it was also strategiacally placed near most of the important districts of the village.

Back to the present.

Madara and Itachi had laid out all the scrolls in one corner of the sitting room, Itachi then made sure that Naruto had his bath, changed into his sleep clothes then went to sleep.

"He's sleeping, we can talk now," Itachi said as he reappeared in the sitting room from the bedroom.

"Simply put, I'm Uchiha Madara, and no I am not some poor sap named after the greatest nuke-nin to ever leave Konoha, I am the real immortal deal," Madara said.

"Uhm..technically as a nuke-nin of such high ranking I would have to try and dispose of you, but since you have not been in the Bingo Books for a long time, I wont do that, but..err..why are you helping him, and why are we having this conversation?" Itachi asked, since it truly was a puzzling thing, Madara was supposedly the most powerful Uchiha the clan had ever produced, as well as the most feared out of all the nuke-nin the village had ever had the misfortune of ever having.

"To answer your question, I'm helping him because I can, and because its partially my fault that he's in the situation he is in, as to the conversation, well, you're the first Konoha-nin to witness what I can do. Which comes to my other reason for talking to you, I believe that you can become the next me with a little bit of training, me in the sense that you would be recognized as one of the best that the clan has ever produced, so whatcha think? Train under me?" Madara replied to Itachi's questions, as well as asked one of his own.

"Normally I would be considered crazy to refuse such an offer, but why should I train under the one man that deserted my clan?" Itachi answered with his own question.

"Let's just say that I suffered from having Multiple Personality Disorder, and am only now trying to right the wrongs that my other personality had done while he was in control, as they say the more power the person's got, the more likely that he's crazy, no?"

"Is that all?"

"Fine. How about my lust for power has waned, and I only wish to see the world become a better place, with myself helping in that dream's fulfilment," Madara decided to say.

"I think I'll go with the first reason, and just accept the training," Itachi said.

"Good, good. You know technically since Ayame is my only child..though not by blood, I'm still clan head, haha, ain't that great, that also means that your father does not have the clan seal," Madara decided to inform the younger man.

"W-what?"

"Yeah, so while under my tutleage, secret tutleage and all that, if the clan plans on doing anything..like say go into civil war mode, you tell me about it, and I'll help deal with it, I'll go so far as to write up something real official, I'll use the seal too."

"A-alright, so..now what?"

"Now, I go home, and you do whatever it is you do, when you're off duty come by the restaurant so that we can begin your training, bring Naruto with you too, when he's not in school or anything, he could use a bit more help than I'm sure the academy is willing to give," Madara said before he left the apartment.


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: If its Naruto, I don't own it. If someone else owns it, I definitely don't own it.

Warning: OCs OOCs Sues, and some crack. You have been warned.

Note: AU.

Note #2: Read Lost if you want something more serious.

*****

*****

**Screw It**

**Chapter Twelve**

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Seven year old Naruto was busy doing chakra control exercises in a private training ground which was owned by Madara who decided to train him outside of the academy. Naruto at first didn't know how the man could train him while at the same time run his restaurant, but found out how the man had managed to do such a thing and more, when he was lent the Bushin Book, which was like a training manual for many different kinds of bushin, all of which Naruto was determined to master, especially the basic bushin. Naruto was presently training his control as well as increasing his capacity while doing the water walking exercise. The training grounds being private, was not open to the public, it was hidden from the rest of the village and not even the famed Byakugan and Sharingan could not find it. In truth the plot of land where the training ground was supposed to be located was empty, yet was still hidden away with more than a hundred layers of genjutsu, which were constantly kept active through the use of seals, many many seals. The true training ground was a private one, nestled somewhere in Hidden Found. Whenever Madara trained his two students, he transported them to the training ground from the restaurant, with no one the wiser. Naruto was still young enough that his affinity had yet to form, which made it easier for Madara to manipulate Naruto's natural affinity, from being just an affinity, into being affinities. He had Naruto train in all the control exercises that would allow for him to grow an equal affinity with all the elements. Naruto having just one body, but having more determination, drive, and dedication to learn than an immortal army did, that Madara decided to skip all the other bushin in the book and just teach him Kage Bushin, in order for Naruto with his already impressive reserves to be able to exploit the Kage Bushin training method.

Saying that Naruto was trained in his chakra control did not mean that Madara had neglected the other aspects of his growth, along with control, Madara had opted to teach Naruto an equal number of ninjutsu and genjutsu, as well as six styles of taijutsu. Naruto was still young and far from managing to master all that Madara was teaching him. Madara did not focus solely on the ninja aspect of Naruto's life, but also helped in his growth in the other aspects of life. Madara also helped Naruto with his academics, like mathematics, reading, language, history, and other such subjects, and although the blonde did not see how such subjects could be useful, they still were, or would become useful in the future, if not in his future career, but with the rest of his life. Then there was the fact that Naruto lacked the emotional training and the like from lack of having a proper family, Madara, the Hokage, and company tried their best to be a surrogate family for the young blonde. Madara knew that the young lad needed some emotional support, so provided him with such, the only thing remaining for Madara to do would be to adopt him, but such an action might cause more harm them good, therefore he did not push through with such a plan. There were a few other things lined up in Madara's lesson plan, one of them being manners and etiquette, Naruto would need those the most should he ever become Hokage, hell he'd need it just to become Chuunin. There were a few other things in that lesson plan, but they weren't or were not deemed as important as others.

While Madara trained Naruto, he did not neglect the young Itachi, he trained the youth at first in perfecting all the clan techniques, as well as making improvements on the things that Itachi already knew. There were some ingrained things and beliefs that Madara had to tear out of Itachi before any real training could commence, one of these things was the youth's dependence on his eyes. Over use of the sharingan caused blindness, not just with the other forms or levels, but even the regular version. Madara had grown to frown upon those who relied too much on one thing, when there was a plethora of other things that could be used in any given situation. Presenty, as Naruto was busy with his control exercises, Itachi was engaged in evasion, balance, and edurance training. He was allowed to move within a certain area, and only in that area, he stood on wooden stilts that if one did not have balance they would sway. He had to avoid all the projectiles sent his way by Madara, all the while staying on the stilts, his feet were not allowed to leave the stilts, and he should not fall, those were the rules of the training. Madara wanted Itachi to be able to stay on the stilts for more than an hour, at which point training would be upped. When training the body and mind, there was no such thing as perfection, just near perfection, since there was most likely someone out in the world who was worlds better. Itachi was not allowed to use chakra to help him with the exercise, since Madara also considered it a handicap, that most ninja relied too much upon. Itachi wore chakra limiters that helped increase his reserves, sure they cut him off from his chakra and from being able to use it externally, but it allowed for him to rely on his senses, and the rest of his body.

Aside from being used to supplement strength or speed, chakra could also be used to enhance the senses. Madara wanted Itachi to be able to enhance his natural senses through training. He pushed Itachi to the limit each time he trained him. Madara trained all the senses, touch, taste, smell, hearing, seeing, and that sixth sense, that thing known as gut feel or instinct. The current training was for everything except for seeing, Itachi as blindfolded. If there was one thing that humans were good at, it would have to be adapting. It was just that Madara was pushing Itachi to adapt, to evolve much faster than most, the young man's internal chakra was being forced to alter the young man's genetics to accommodate the harsh training.

Itachi had been hit several times, but he chose not to give up, he was in a way competing with Naruto. The blonde refused to give up, even when he was tired he never complained and just kept at it, like he had something to prove, which he did in a way. Itachi would admit that his injuring hurt, sure he was hit hard, but what made him hurt were not wounds caused by the flying objects, but the bruises from the objects, as well as the ones from falling, along with the many scratches and scrapes. It was maddening the way that Madara kept throwing things at him. The man started out slow, and with each passing minute increased his speed, and accuracy. At first Itachi didn't have to move much, just lean from one side to another, sometimes there were even patterns, but a few minutes into it, after finding that pattern, Madara would move faster, his throws harder, and his aim, well Itachi did not want to be hit in the crotch by a blunt kunai even again, especially since he was only in his boxers. The training on evasion was the part where he had to dodge things, it was also for him to train his senses. Edurance training came in the form of not giving up, not that he was allowed to, to endure all the hard things that hit his body, each hit or fall reset the clock, as well as Madara's actions, but not by much. The balance part came with the staying on the stilts, at least one foot on a post at a time, if not a foot then an arm, or an elbow, so long as one part of his body touched a stilt, Itachi was okay, so long as he didn't lose his balance and fall.

All in all their training was going well. Even though it seemed like Naruto got more things to learn as compared to Itachi, considering that Naruto was a kid, and Itachi was in Anbu, it was logical. Naruto was still very far from reaching his limits, his real limits, while Itachi was being pushed passed his, once he would be able to go beyond that, he would receive more training.

"Alright, that's enough you two!" Madara called out to his two students, "Time to get back to Konoha."

"So how'd we do, sensei?" Itachi asked.

"Itachi, I'll be honest with you. You have a lot of potential, a lot, its just that you don't seem as focused as you should be. Concentrate on improving yourself, the better you get, the greater your chances of protecting yourself, and your precious people are. Next time I'm having you resume your underwater training, on the way back I'm upping your weights, you seem to be able to move at normal speed now," Madara told Itachi, he then faced Naruto, "While you, Naruto, your capacity is large, its already at high jounin, and will continue to grow over time, your control is not yet at what it should be for someone your age during war time, but its getting there, but you are focused and determined, your doing better than Itachi actually. To assess your growth, I'm bringing someone to our training next time for you to spar with, so be ready. Knowledge-wise, let's just say you should stick to the middle, in all your academic classes, when I say middle I mean middle, give that academy a flat fifty, no matter what the test. Got it?"

"Hai!"

"Good, now one last thing. Itachi, stop dressing up and listen," Madara told Itachi who was in the middle of putting his clothes back on, "Practice your stealth around the village, Itachi you are already Anbu, but I want you to be able to fool the Hokage, I want you to become one with the shadows, not Nara-style, but be the shadows, Naruto same goes for you, but I want you to train yourself in speed as well, so pull some pranks, just not on me or the restaurant or I'll charge double.."

"You want me to prank people?" Naruto interupted.

"Yes and no. I want you to prank ninjas, got that? I want you to prank jounin and up, including the Hokage, try not to get caught, if you are caught, try to outrun all of them," Madara then turned to Itachi, "When he does get caught as the perpetrator, Itachi, I want you to not hold back."

"What do you mean sir?" Itachi asked.

"I mean consider it as training, Itachi, you will be helping Naruto train in speed, as well as stealth. Naruto, by the time you turn twelve I want you to be able to outrun Maito Gai, if you are given the chance to race the man, I want you to also be able to well hide in plain sight, wearing the brightest colored clothes you can find...Which reminds me, Itachi, come by my house tomorrow, I'll give you your stealth training clothes, Naruto more or less already has his."

"Sir?" Itachi asked, scared of the answer he may receive.

"Don't worry, it wont be bright orange," Madara assured him.

"Arigato, sensei."

"It'll be bright, hot pink," Madara said.

"So, basically if I can hide in plain sight wearing a bright hot pink set of clothes, I can hide anywhere, same goes for Naruto and his birthday present."

"Yep."


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: If its Naruto, I don't own it. If someone else owns it, I definitely don't own it.

Warning: OCs OOCs Sues, and some crack. You have been warned.

Note: AU.

Note #2: Read Lost if you want something more serious.

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**Screw It**

**Chapter Thirteen**

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"Sensei!"

"Gyah!" Madara shouted in surprise, he had just set all the security seals in place, after making sure that Ayame was sound asleep, sure she wasn't a little girl anymore, but she was still his little girl.

"Itachi, what is it?" Madara asked.

"The clan, they're.." Itachi said then took a few calming breaths, "They're planning a coup!"

"Hmm..I didn't expect that to happen so soon.." Madara said thinking out loud, "Itachi, go inform the Hokage about this, then after he's told you what to do, come to me, directly to me. Got it?"

"H-hai!"

After Itachi left, Madara calmly walked to his basement, the one that Ayame couldn't get into. Once inside he searched for his old armor, along with everything else that would complete his transformation back to THE Uchiha Madara.

Once the look was complete, he went about creating blank clones, the humunculi, that he was planning on using to replace the Uchiha that wanted out of Konoha. The unfair treatment that the Uchiha had been receiving through the years due to the Senju was the cause for the coup. Madara was going to offer those that wanted a peaceful out, an out. He them proceeded to seal them in scrolls, all the while creating Kage Bushins to set themselves up in the Uchiha district, in preparation for the attack, that Madara knew he was going to participate in. An hour or two of waiting later, Itachi finally returned.

"Well?"

"Why are you wearing that?" Itachi asked while pointing at Madara's battle gear.

"Preparation, now what are your orders?"

"Extermination."

"Explain."

"Sandaime-sama was forced to concede to his advisors, apparently he already knew about the coup, and had been trying to delay the inevitable. When I told them about the coup, they gave me a choice, either exterminate my clan, or die along with my clan."

"Did they offer you concessions?"

"I'm allowed to let my brother live."

"How long do you have?"

"A week."

"Since I have already unlocked your Mangenkyo Sharingan for you, and given you the ultimate eyes, minus the immortality part, we'll kill your clan tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?"

"Scratch that, I'll dispose of the clan tomorrow, I want you to make sure that your borther does not arrive to see anything."

"What are you planning?"

"I'm planning to retake control over MY clan. Let's just say Konoha will have to place me back in the Bingo Books after I'm through with the clan."

"You plan to make yourself known, again, to the world?"

"Its about time I did, I need an excuse to cause some chaos in the world."

"So you are going to kill the clan, just for sport?"

"No. Itachi, I am going to save as many lives as I can, since I am aware that there are Uchiha that are not part of the coup, people like you. This way, you get to stay in Konoha, with your brother, that man that calls himself your father is going to fall."

"I understand. So..is there anything else you want me to do?"

"I want you to arrive at the last minute to stop me."

"What do you mean stop you?"

"I'm going to pretend to kill your mother, I want you to be seen as a Hero. Someone on par with me. In short, I shall be testing you, gauging your progress, bring Naruto if you want to, just make sure that you give your all in our upcoming fight."

"How do you expect me to know when its time, and how am I going to keep Sasuke away?"

"Find some excuse to leave Sasuke with your girlfriend, how you'll know? Trust me when I say, you just will."

"Hai."

"One more thing before you leave," Madara said as he grabbed hold of Itachi's arm.

"S-sir?"

"Should you hurt her, and I find out about it, and you know I will, the Kyuubi attack nine years ago will be just a cough compared to what I'll do to you, student or no. Got it?" Madara said all the while steadily increasing his output of killing intent.

"H-h-h-hai!" Itachi answered, then pried himself free, and left Madara's house.

After Itachi left Madara summoned his nine servants, all nine appeared in his living room along with three of their kin each. They were like genin teams, with each of the nine lords being the jounin. They appeared in order, Tanuki, Nekomata, Umibozu, Satori, Bake-kujira, Sazae-oni, Kabutomushi, Ushi-oni, and Kitsune. When all of them appeared they all kneeled and bowed to Madara, their foreheads touching the ground, waiting to be addressed.

"Tomorrow I am going to wipe out my clan."

"What?!", "Why?!", "How?!", and other such exclamations rang out in the room, it was only thanks to the sound barrier seals that were in place that allowed Ayame to continue her slumber.

"Silence!" Madara commanded.

"..."

"The reason should not really matter, all that matters is that I have a job for all of you. The restaurant will be closed tomorrow, due to renovation as well as some construction. Ichibi, Nibi, Sanbi. The three of you are in charge of constructing four more buldings, two on each side of the restaurant. All the permits are in a scroll that I shall give you later. Yonbi, Gobi, Rokubi. You three go over to Hidden Found and prepared a housing complex for the Uchiha I'll be sending there, split the work, inform admin of the arrivals. Lastly, Shichibi, Hachibi, Kyuubi. Cause mass chaos around Fire Country, no where near Konoha. But cause as much chaos and mayhem as possible. I want it to seem like grave misfortune has befallen the most power country in all of Elemental. Understood?"

"HAI!"

"Dismissed!"

Once Madara was alone in the room, he disabled the sound barrier, and walked to the kitchen. He needed some ramen for the chaos ahead.


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: If its Naruto, I don't own it. If someone else owns it, I definitely don't own it.

Warning: OCs OOCs Sues, and some crack. You have been warned.

Note: AU.

Note #2: Read Lost if you want something more serious.

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**Screw It**

**Chapter Fourteen**

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Madara had all his clones in the district go to all the home of the Uchiha that wanted to escape from the massacre that was to take place. They knew what to do, send the person to Hidden Found, then pop out the blank to impersonate Uchiha, and have it wait for its timely death. After that was done the clones all went up in smoke. Then Madara walked into the district from the back gate, and went to each home, his sharingan blazing at full power, his katana unsheathed. The first Uchiha he killed didn't see it coming, he just turned around and found a blade through his gut. The last sight he saw before the darkness took him were the blazing eyes of Uchiha Madara. He died with shock written across his face. The second Uchiha that met Madara also died with a blade through the gut, so did the next and the next and the next, all of whom had shock written across their faces. Luckily the Uchiha did not have an elder council, since apparently Fugaku wanted to be the boss of the clan and not have to answer to anyone he personally killed all the elders including his own parents. All the families with children had fled which was a good thing, as Madara did not want to have to turn a few children into orphans. As time passed more and more Uchiha died. But as Madara was about to turn into another street, he was met with a squad of Uchiha that were heading home. Upon seeing him they all stopped and stared at him. Then as Madara took a step forward, the squad panicked and tried to defend themselves, only to be cut down. The sound of drawn steel attracted the attention of the other Uchiha in the district and they went to investigate, what they saw shocked them as well, there walking amongst the dead, and killing Uchiha after Uchiha was their legendary clan head. By the time that the rest of the scene registered in their minds they too met death.

One of the people that arrived after a while saw the bodies and scrambled back, he was able to alert the rest of the Uchiha about what was going on, but before he could go into detail he was literally cut down. No explanation was needed for the rest of the Uchiha as the situation was finally upon them. The blanks had no excuse to stay indoors and had to come out and fight. Madara just continued his walk through the crowd of Uchiha that were trying to roast him alive, or skewer him with their weapons. No matter what he did, he did not stop. Not a single living Uchiha was left in his wake.

While Itachi was busy with making sure that Sasuke did not go home yet, he felt something burning on his person. After searching his pockets, Itachi found a burning piece of paper, which he immediately extinguished, on what was left of the paper were two words: Its Time.

Itachi had to excuse himself from the two's company, before leaving he told Sasuke to keep Ayame safe, while he was gone. Kissing Ayame goodbye on the cheek, he left Madara's house and headed for the Uchiha district. On his way there he met up with Naruto who, for whatever reason was chucking empty soda cans into a trash bin. Without stopping or saying a word Itachi plucked Naruto off of the ground and carried the nine year old all the way to his destination. On the way he filled Naruto in on the details of what they were about to, as well as severity of the situation.

When the two arrived at the district, they entered through the east entrance, they then quickly made their way to the home of the head of the clan, or false head whichever. On the way there the two eventually came across all the dead bodies that littered the streets, they also noticed that there were a few Kage Bushin loitering around, Itachi asked one of them what it was doing, its answer was that it was collecting the eye of all the Uchiha, it wouldn't do if some power crazed nut got a hold of a pair, or of even just one eye. One clone quickly approached the two, then informed them that they needed to get to their destination quick. Once the two got to the building all the clones had finished their work.

"G-get away from me!" Mikoto screamed once she saw Madara move away from Fugaku's corpse, in his hands were two sharingan eyes.

Madara's movements were slow, as if waiting for something. He stepped ever closer to Mikoto, as she trembled in fear. First her husband tried to kill her after he found out that she was pregnant with a daughter, useless in his eyes, then she watches as her husband is killed by someone the whole clan, along with the rest of the world, thought to have died a long time ago.

"Get away from my mother!" Itachi shouted as he threw a shuriken at Madara, which was dodged.

"And if I do not?" Madara asked in a bored tone.

"Naruto, now!"

"Futon: Daitoppa!" Naruto shouted and waved his hands forward to create a great gust of wind that would have blown Madara through the wall had he not dodged.

"Let's take this outside, shall we," Madara said, and it was not a question.

Once outside Madara opened up with a katon jutsu of his own, blowing flames in the directions of both Itachi and Naruto. The two youths dodged out of harms way releasing devastating attacks of their own. Itachi with an earth dragon, and Naruto with a water dragon, the water came from an exposed sewage pipe.

The trio danced in the wind throwing weapons at one another, Itachi darting in an out of Madara's range, while Naruto sent exploding clones at Madara.

Madara did not simply let his two students beat him up, he attacked them himself, using the many blades he had on his person, he sliced jutsu in half, and made attempts in decapitating his two foes.

When Kenjutsu, ninjutsu, and shurikenjutsu failed to work, the trio got into a taijutsu fight. All out taijutsu fight, chakra powered fists and legs met chakra powered fists and legs.

With one punch, that connected with the ground, two Uchiha houses collapsed. Itachi having jumped away from Madara just in time. Before the man could recover, Naruto performed a heel drop that would have connected had Madara not moved out of the way to engage Itachi once again. Naruto raced after Madara, when Madara was about to roundhouse kick Itachi, Naruto delivered a spin kick to his ribs, which caused Madara to fly into and cause another house to collapse.

The two students did not give their sensei a break and continued their attacks. Naruto delivering bone shattering kicks, while Itachi delivered bone breaking punches.

Then Madara did the unexpected, before his students' attacks could make contact, he spat out a small lake's worth of water, which literally flooded the battlefield, he then lit up his hands with electricity and plunged them into the water. The two boys managed to jump out of the water just in time, they landed on a roof parallel to Madara's position, both boys then lanched balls of lightning at Madara like machine gun fire. Madara being partially wet himself was forced to dodge all the balls of lightning all the while not touching the water that lay below his feet. While he dodged the balls, his hands sped through a seal sequence, the end result being that the water froze up and ice needles shot out of the frozen water and headed for the two youths. Itachi slammed his palms on the roof and forced an earth and tile wall to form and protect himself and Naruto fron the ice needles. Naruto didn't wait for the barrage to end, he sped through his own seal set which caused fire to form along his arms, flicking his wrists a certain way caused the fire to turn into twin whips. Naruto then jumped out from behind the wall, and swung the whips round and round, then used the flame whips to melt the ice needles that were headed for him. Itachi decided that since Naruto had restarted his attack, then he would have to as well. Itachi brought out his ninjato and coated it with wind chakra, jumping out he swung the blade through the air over and over again as he moved towards Madara who was prepping his own jutsu, as the blade was swung it sent out air cutters which sliced through whatever it came in contact with. Madara moved to another building to avoid all of the air cutters, he also released a jutsu of his own, nine blue chakra dragon formed from nine different tenketsu, these dragons battled both Itachi and Naruto at the same time, Madara himself performed something that the two youths were not expecting. In both hands two swirling orbs of chakra formed. Before Itachi and Naruto knew it, there was a red flash, then they each felt a pain in their abdomens. The two youths were flung away spinning all the way until the finally hit a wall that was solid enough to stop them. Not once did Itachi use his sharingan in the fight, not once did Naruto lose control of his chakra.

As the two youths were painfully picking themselves out of the hole in the wall, Madara was running at them at full speed, katana raised and burning with the black flames of Amaterasu. He held the sword with the blade facing the heavens, and the tip facing his foes. He weaved in and out of their vision. Before Madara could strike, Naruto and Itachi had managed to push each other away causing Madara to embed his sword in wall, the black flames that would burn for seven days and seven nights eating away at the wall, which made pulling the blade out a whole lot easier.

As the two youths landed, they each healed themselves in order for them to get back into the fight. Naruto healed first, standing up he stomped his foot on the ground causing a crack to form on the ground and send a bullet like shockwave in the direction of Madara who jumped away from the blast. After landing Madara threw three shuriken at Naruto which he them multiplied into three hundred. Most of the projectiles were either dodged or deflected save for the three original ones, which were able to pierce flesh.

Itachi acted seconds after the shurikens were multiplied, he threw kunai with exploding tags attached to them, then multiplied them into five hundred. Madara waved his hand in a fanning motion which caused a gust of wind to blow the tags back to Itachi, he then dispelled all the kunai, before backpedalling his way away from the wall that had completely been eaten by the flames. Itachi managed to get away from most of the exploding tags, but was still hit be the flames, which caused third degree burns to form on half of his body, no scarring would remain once all the burns were healed, but damn they still hurt.

Naruto had three shuriken stuck in his body, but overall he was still able to move, but was stopped from attacking by the arrival of Anbu.

"I see you have defeated my clones..pity..I look forward to battling the two of you again," Madara said before he vanished from sight completely, leaving slightly more than half of the Uchiha district in very bad shape.


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: If its Naruto, I don't own it. If someone else owns it, I definitely don't own it.

Warning: OCs OOCs Sues, and some crack. You have been warned.

Note: AU.

Note #2: Read Lost if you want something more serious.

*****

*****

**Screw It**

**Chapter Fifteen**

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*****

Both boys were given immediate medical attention by the medics that had arrived on the scene of the battle. The Anbu were amazed by the fact that two boys, sure one was also Anbu and the other a jinchuuriki, had been able to stall someone that was able to kill more than three hundred Uchiha, in their home turf. But considering who it was, and the implications of the fact that he was stil alive, put the two boys straight into the Bingo Books with at least A-class nin status. Due to the incident there were now five Uchiha left in Konoha, although the Anbu only knew of the existence of Itachi, Sasuke, Mikoto, and Ayame. The on scene Anbu captain only knew about Ayame due to the fact that he had been browsing the adoption archives out of boredom and came across her file, stating that she was adopted by an Uchiha Madara, there was a note attached to the file stating that the archivist pitied the guy that was named after the infamous nuke-nin. So maybe there were five Uchiha left in Konoha, unfortunately the rest of his unit were unable to find the ramen restaurant owner.

Once the Hokage had arrived on the scene to assess the damage with his own eyes, he saw the destruction and devastation, as well as all the bodies, what scare him the most was that all the dead Uchiha were missing their eyes. The only sharingan left in the village were those of the remaining Uchiha clan members and Sharingan no Kakashi. He walked over to the two boys that had fought the clan killer to ask them to give him the most detailed report on what had, he was surprised to note that not only Itachi spoke as professionally as possible considering the circumstances, but so did Naruto, it was as if someone had been training the boy in secret, and he didn't know about it. Which was actually the case. He decided then and there to promote Itachi to jounin, while taking him out of Anbu, as well as perform an on the field promotion to Naruto, making him a chunin, skipping the genin stage all together for it would be a waste of his skills.

After all was said and done, there were offiially only five Uchiha left in the village. After his injuries healed, Itachi took up position of merely being the heir of the Uchiha, and not the clan head position, stating in private with only the Hokage and Naruto present, that he had been taught and had fought his very own provate sensei. Madara had saved Itachi, as well as the rest of the innocent Uchiha. Itachi went so far as to promise that Konoha would one day see all those missing Uchiha, but not for a few years, since the slightly more than fifty Uchiha that left did not want to be part of the coup, and they also did not want to be a part of Konoha any longer due to the unfair treatment that the clan had been receiving through the years. Itachi and Naruto had both pleaded that Madara not be listed as a Nuke-nin, or at the very least as an SSS-class nin, with a flee on sight order, the first of his kind. Hiruzen had agreed after much arguing and pleading, he had also been in on Madara's secret, or part of it. The Hokage was shocked that the founder had been living within Konoha for the past nine years and without him realizing it, he like many others had just thought that the registered Uchiha Madara was a poor soul that had been given the misfortune of being named after the infamous nin.

The information as to who exactly was it that massacred the clan was not shared with the public, but those with a Bingo Book would have been able to figure it out. The news on as to who had fought him and managed to hold him off for more than an hour until help arrived was met with mixed reactions. Itachi was respected even more than the entirety of the village, there was nary a soul that did not praise him, not only was he prodigy, but also a hero. Some of the villagers believed that if he had not stepped in, the killer might gone on to kill off another clan, and another, and another. While Itachi was praised, Naruto was met with more reactions than he would have liked, there were those that feared his power, there were those that hated him and thought him more a demon than ever before, there were those that saw him as a savior, those that saw him as a potential weapon, and those that didn't give a rat's ass about him so long as he didn't bother them. The village's reaction to learning that Naruto was not only a prodigy himself, but also a hero twice, was that while most of the population still saw him as his tenant biding his time for the perfect chance to strike, there were some that had crossed the fence and saw the boy for who he was and not what he was, most of these people being ninjas, very few of the civilians changd their views for the better.

After the announcements, there was a mass burial that was held for all the Uchiha that had died, it was for the best that the village did not find out the real reasons behind the massacre even though the massacre did not go according to plan.

The Hyuuga for once had shown a tad bit more compassion than the rest of the village was used to and welcomed the remaining Uchiha to live with them with open arms. But Itachi had declined stating that he, his borther, and his mother would be living with the only other two Uchiha in the village.

Even though Naruto had shown himself to be a force to be reckoned with, Hiruzen still believed that it was not yet the time to reveal the boy's heritage. Sure he had stood up to one of the greatest and strongest nins of all time, but the man was apparently his teacher, so that did not really count for much.

With the matters of the massacre out of the way, Hiruzen could now focus on the reports from all over the country that not only had there been sighting, but also attacks from creatures that could only be described as monsters or as some had put it Bijuu. Such information deserved looking into, the public could not find out about it, due to the untold panic that could ensue should the information be released at the wrong time.

The Hokage was an announcement late in sending out some investigation teams to the different sites that the monsters had appeared. Somehow Danzou had been able to be a step ahead of his rival for power, and sent out his men to investigate. What the earlier investigators had uncovered were surprising, there were three of the monstrosities, in the report that Danzou received, his people had seen people arrive just before the beasts could attack the capital of Fire Country, there was a group in the world that had the power to control such monsters, another thing to take note of was that the people that appeared looked to be members of Akatsuki.

Madara had sent instructions to his Akatsuki operatives to tell his three chaos causing servants to stop, since he was finished with his business with the clan.

It wasn't only Konoha that had received information about the monsters, there was a team of Kumo-nin that were on a mission within Fire Country when they saw the three monsters, but what scared them the most was seeing another Hachibi, they were sure that Bee was still in Kumo, so they abandoned their mission and high tailed it out of Fire Country to report to their Kage their findings. There was also a Kiri team that were also on a mission, after seeing the Shichibi, they realized how much shit Kiri could be in, so they too abandoned their mission to head for home and report to their Kage.

It had been a few hours of waiting for the investigative teams to return, the findings were similar to those of Danzou, but the Hokage got a surprise, not only had the investigative team brought in info on the situation, they brought with them Konoha's Spy Master, Jiraiya.

Jiraiya had been able to shed a little more light on the situation. He had actually tried to engage the new Bijuu in battle, he considered them to be new since he knew that all the Bijuu were sealed. These new Bijuu were not malevolent creatures, their only purpose for their romp in the world was to cause chaos. He found this out when one of the Akatsuki operatives had suddenly popped out beside him and shouted out to the closest Bijuu to stop and go home. So not only were the Akatsuki interested in the Jinchuuriki, they were also already in possession and in control of three of these new Bijuu.

Instead of having Jiraiya to pursue more information on Akatsuki, the Hokage wanted his student to find out as much as possible about the relatively new Land of the Lost and its Hidden Village of the Found. Jiraiya claimed that he knew of its existence, and had been approached by one of its members into joining. The Found-jounins were free to invite whomever they thought to be worth it into joining Hidden Found, it just to happened that one jounin had thought that the wandering novelist, might like a new life with a new village, that already had a one man army at its head. One thing that Jiraiya learned was that Hidden Found was really lost, only the people living in it could find it, and only those invited could go in it. It was one of the few remaining true hidden villages. Jiraiya's assessment of the Jounin he met was that the Jounin was at his level, surprisingly he was a Kaguya, which was a clan thought long gone. Jiraiya did not know the name of Lost and Found's leader though. It was a heavily guarded secret.

After the short exchange of information meeting had ended, but before all the nin could leave the office, a knock was heard, after the Hokage allowed whomever it was entrance, they were met with the sight of Itachi of all people carrying a delivery box from Ichiraku.

"Sensei said you might need the food, so he asked me to deliver these to you guys, something about the possible stress caused by over grown animals causing chaos beyond Konoha," Itachi said as he brought out the styrofoamed food, and laid them on the paperless Hokage's desk.

"Is there anything else Itachi-kun?" Hiruzen asked.

"Err...yeah...Hidden Found will be sending some mission requests in a week's time..and um..Hokage-sama could you come by the restaurant later?"

"H-Hidden Found?"

"Yeah..I don't know the exact details really, sensei just said to tell you those things, also about the restaurant thing, just please come," Itachi said, saluted, then left in a swirl of leaves.

"Jiraiya pull up a chair, same goes for the rest of you, as for me well, itadaikimasu!" the Hokage said before digging in.


	16. Chapter 16

Disclaimer: If its Naruto, I don't own it. If someone else owns it, I definitely don't own it.

Warning: OCs OOCs Sues, and some crack. You have been warned.

Note: AU.

Note #2: Read Lost if you want something more serious.

*****

*****

**Screw It**

**Chapter Sixteen**

*****

*****

The Hokage decided to humor Itachi and went to the restaurant after he was done with work, he brought Jiraiya with him along with four Anbu that would serve as his guards. The restaurant wasn't open on the day of the massacre, and was under renovation, but the six people were allowed inside, they were not expecting what or who they found. There inside the restaurant was an asortment of people that the six people did not ever think of ever seeing within the walls of Konoha, much more in a restaurant. They were led by the meitre d to a table, once seated they automatically gave their orders of drinks and some snacks. They all scanned the room to see who exactly were there. There was an elevated stage, on it was a table with five people seated around it, namely Itachi, Mikoto, Sasuke, Ayame, and Madara. Madara was wearing his usual attire,minus the cloak or coat. Seated around the other tables was merely an assortment of people, but a lot of them were considered nuke-nin by the other countries, there were a few from Konoha too. But the most frightening of them all were the members of the Akatsuki, or more precisely all the members of the organization were present, but instead of their signature cloaks, they were all in regular clothes. It appeared that the Hokage party had arrived a little late.

"...and so I would like to propose a toast to the newly engaged couple, so everyone raise up a glass," Madara said while standing.

"Is it okay if it only has water?" Sasuke, and Naruto who was also present but was sitting with the Akatsuki members, asked.

"Sure, go ahead," Madara said, "Now, to Itachi and Ayame!"

"Cheers!", "Bottoms up!", "Gratz kiddo!" were some of the things said by the attendees of the party before they downed their drinks.

After the toast to the engaged couple, the party got into full swing, there was music playing, and some people decided to dance, two of which being Nagato and Konan, Nagato had managed to use nature chakra, and become a sage like his ancestor the Rikudou Sennin. Which in turn had allowed for his body to return to what it should have been, he looked like a healthy individual, and not an emaciated individual, his six paths were busy playing poker at one of the tables. Kakuzu chose to dance with Mikoto for some reason, while Deidara and Sasori debated about art while Haku made some ice sculptures near them. Kabuto was playing ping pong with Shizune, while Tsunade who had sworn never to return to the village kept score not that the Hokage party noticed them.

"So..Saru-kun, how's the food?" Madara said after walking over to the Hokage's table.

"Delicious as usual, your students let me in on your secrets, not all of them mind, just the important ones," Hiruzen said.

"Good, good. Originally I was just going to ask you about the food, but I thought of something," Madara said.

"What is it?"

"My daughter and I would guess heir, even though they are young are at the age for marriage, I was wondering if you would like to be the presiding minister for the occasion."

"I would be honored, where will the ceremony be held?"

"In Hidden Found."

"What?! You'd let me in there just for a wedding ceremony?"

"Yep, Itachi and Naruto talked me into it, when those two want something they do everything in their power to get it. Pranksters the two of them, the things they can come up with are the stuff of nightmares, even my servants don't want to get on their bad side."

"You have servants? Does that mean that there are more Uchiha in Konoha?"

"No, the others are all in Hidden Found, and I hope you have your Anbu keep that information a secret."

"They will. But about those servants?"

"I'm sure you've heard about those new Bijuu, they are my servants."

"Simply put, you have the power to enforce your rule on the whole continent, so why haven't you?"

"Simple, I'm happy with what I already have, that and running a number of businesses, a country, a village, and training two students is more than enough for me," Madara admitted.

"How goes the paperwork then?"

"Easy as ramen!"

"I DEMAND THAT YOU TELL ME!!!" Sandaime Hokage Sarutobi Hiruzen shouted at Madara while he shook the man, which attracted the attention of all the people present.

When Madara started to turn blue, it took nine demon lords to pry the apoplectic kage's hand from around the immortal's neck, as well as hold him in place.

"Hey, uh, Sandaime-sensei? Are you okay? You kinda look a little blue," Yagura, the Yondaime Mizukage, asked Madara who had forgotten how to breath from surprise, who knew the old man was so strong.

A year ago Madara, with the aid of Pein and his six paths, was able to meet with the Yagura and remove the curse from him, as well as explain a few things. After allowing the young man to actually decapitate and sever himself limb from limb, the man accepted Madara's apology, and would try to remove some of the hate and dislike that the Land of Water had for Madara. Madara had also accepted Yagura in as a part-time-pupil. Madara had also removed the bijuu and given Yagura full control over the monster. The monster had no choice, it was either servitude, or death via Nine Demon Lords beating the crap out of it for brushing aside a chance to be of use to their Master.

"S-s-sorry! I didn't mean to kill him, its just that the paperwork! I swear I'd rather singlehandedly fight in another war than face those things!" Hiruzen said after he had calmed down, and Madara had started to look a healthier shade.

"S'ok, I'll just include that in the peace treaty thing I plan on sending you after the wedding," Madara said.

The rest of people after seeing that Madara was okay returned to partying, the nine demon lords took out a monopoly set and started playing, Naruto decided to play with them.

Allowing Naruto to play monopoly was a bad move, even though the nine had decided to spice things up a bit, like not move the pieces using their hands but chakra strings, or replacing the pieces with mini puppets of different animals, the dice they used were protected against cheating, nothing the did seemed to help them against the onslaught they received from allowing Naruto to play. Kyuubi actually thought that it was possible for the jinchuuriki for the lesser kitsune to have done something really great to Benten to have the kind of luck he possessed. Sure the Nine's Master had such luck, but for Naruto to share the luck, the kid must have an in with the gods of something. Little did they know that Madara had introduced Naruto to Benten, since the kid just seemed to attract trouble like magnet attracts metal. She found him so cute, Naruto was four at the time, that she kissed him, right on the lips. Madara had to pull her away from him, and he had to ask help from one of the Shinigami to do it too, since Benten really seemed to enjoy it. She explained after she had calmed down that Naruto just had so much luck potential that it had bottled up inside him and only needed some help getting out and functioning. The reason she had refused to stop sucking face with the kid was that apparently his luck was so potent that he, like Madara, had more luck than the Goddess of Luck herself, which is saying something.

While playing a game of any kind Naruto was told to actively use his luck to win. Madara not only trained Naruto in using his chakra, but like Itachi, taught him how to use everything that he had at his disposal, and since his luck could be used as a tool, why not. The only person that Naruto couldn't beat using luck was Madara, since the man had been actively using his for a long time, subconsciously or otherwise. Luck was real, and Naruto could control his to either affect himself or those around him, which was what he was doing. The nine couldn't figure out how he was cheating, but they instinctively knew that he was cheating. All nine had pooled their resources and even went so far as to modify the rules of the game a bit, and still the kid was winning, they were so glad that it wasn't real money, else they'd be in more debt than ten Tsunade's.

Sasuke had decided that since his mother was busy dancing, his brother was busy with his fiance, theonly other kid in the place was playing with nine weirdos, then he would have to find someone else to play with. The person that he found that could help him was none other than Hoshigaki Kisame, the large blue sharkman with a sword that doesn't cut but shaves. At first Sasuke tried to talk to the fishman, but after the man ignored him, he decided that he needed to get the man's attention somehow. The only way he could think of was to try and intimidate him with the sharingan. Even though normally the doujutsu would only manifest during dire situations, Sasuke didn't know that, and so he channeled chakra to his eyes and tried to force the change, he must have been thinking that the sharingan was the only choice left to him, because for some reason they actually activated. It was probably due to some luck that had been transferred to him from Naruto or not, but whatever it was that did it, did it. The nine year old stared at the sharkman, until said sharkman could no longer take it, and decided to humor the kid by playing with him. The game that Kisame decided to play with Sasuke was to see if they could out creep out the creepiest member of the Akatsuki, which was Zetsu. The only thing they managed to do was get into a Yo Mama contest with Zetsu, while at the same time managed to get Hidan to not curse but just laugh. Jashin was not something that the world needed to fear, since he feared Madara more than anything, including ceasing to exist, for some reason.

At the party there were three Kamizuru clansmen, Suzumebachi was a friend of Ayame, as well as a Iwa-nuke-nin, she and clan had blanks posing as them in Iwa. They were busy as the bees that they used, all three were engaged in an intense discussion with the other bug-users at the party about which of their primary bugs were the best. They would have continued with their discussion until Jiraiya approached the group, all of them knew that he was the Gama Sennin without needing him to introuce himself, they all stopped their discussion to do the one thing that they would most likely not have the chance of doing ever again, revenge on the bug eaters. From under their clothes, and under their skin the bugs crawled or flew out, Jiraiya didn't know what hit him, literally, it was a far worse experience compared to anything the women that he peeped on could do to him. They ate his chakra, shredded his notes, and all in all creeped him out. He didn't stand a chance, had he been accompanied by a toad he might have, but since he didn't, well, he like Sasuke had gotten some luck from Naruto, just not the good kind.

Eventually someone by the name of Mifune managed to convince Hiruzen to have a drinking contest with him. Who knew that the wizened and so called God of Shinobi had such a high resistance to the stuff. His tolerance for it was even greater than any of his students. Kakuzu managed to start a betting pool after the two military leaders had emptied their tenth shot glass. Niether of whom looked to be any closer to getting tipsy.

Whlie the adults were busy, the only two children in the whole gathering had eventually drifted off to sleep. Even Naruto with his boundless energy was still considered as a kid, even with his new Chuunin status, Kisame and Zetsu had volunteered to take them to bed, they knew the way to their boss' house, they just hoped that none of the Anbu got wind of them.

The drinking battle had started out with some mild stuff, but eventually Madara had decided to bring out the really hard stuff, he even brought out one of his own original concoctions named Shi no Seppun, or Kiss of Death. When the two leaders decided that they needed something stronger, Madara had no choice but to bring out his concoction. He dipped an eyedropper into the bottle that held the drink, then he dropped one drop into a pitcher of water, he poured the mix into two separate shot glasses.

"Bottoms up," Madara said, as he handed the two leaders a shot glass.

The two leaders thought that he was kidding but decided to humor him and downed them in one go. The effects of the drink instantly kicked in, the two men were insanely drunk. Since it was a drinking contest, Madara filled another two shot glasses with the extremely diluted yet potent stuff. The two leaders downed the drinks, the audience stared at the two men. Where once there were two, now there were none. The glasses hit the table, and the drinkers were gone. The only clue to as to where the two men had gone was the open door leading to the rest of Konoha. Ayame quickly took charge of the situation, she told the four Anbu to search for the Hokage, before he did something he would regret in the morning. Some of the party goers were curious as to what it felt like to drink the drink. Madara had forbidden Itachi from trying even a little, he also hid away the bottle. He told everyone that wanted a sip that they could only have what was in the pitcher. The Nine Demon Lords had chosen not to try even a sip of the stuff, they knew how strong it was. Nagato and Konan were the first two brave souls to try a shot of the thing. One after the other, the party goers vanished the only clue as to where they had gone was the open door leading outside the restaurant.

'_Maybe I should have brought out the Caress of Death instead of the Kiss..._' Madara thought after he watched Kabuto disappear, '_Saru-kun is gonna kill me in the morning or something like that..._'


	17. Chapter 17

Disclaimer: If its Naruto, I don't own it. If someone else owns it, I definitely don't own it.

Warning: OCs OOCs Sues, and some crack. You have been warned.

Note: AU.

Note #2: Read Lost if you want something more serious.

*****

*****

**Screw It**

**Chapter Seventeen**

*****

*****

The sun was shining, the sky was clear, the birds were singing, the grass was growing, and the Hokage was hanging upside down with a rope the only thing keeping him from falling to his death. Somehow he had singlehandedly let loose all the Inuzuka ninken, kept all the Nara awake, and stolen all of Anko's clothes and hid them somewhere inside the ninja academy without getting caught, and all at the same time too. He was hanging from the tip of his carved nose on the Hokage Mountain, and was only in his boxers. Mifune was hanging from the Yondaime's chin, also only in his boxers. While the Anbu were at the base of the mountain trying to figure out how to get their beloved leader down to the safety of the ground, as well as the other guy.

The Anbu office had been swamped with reports of nuke-nin ranging from the D to S and other such people running around Konoha, causing utter madness and chaos, there was also the problem of getting their Hokage down from his nose, and into his office, that he may help them, the Anbu, save the village from anarchy. Even Danzou was not happy, since sometime during the night, while he was sleeping ,yes even he sleeps, someone had broken into his room and scattered numerous women's undergarments around the room. When he woke up he found himself in the presence of a lot of very pissed off anti-perverts. How they got in did not matter, all that mattered was that they got in, beat the most of the living out of him, gathered their belongings, and left. He now sported more than just a missing eye and broken arm. He had a more than simply aching crotch to deal with, and no amount of ice could seem to make it feel better.

Aside from the reports of S-class nins running around the village, the Aburame compound had to deal eight people that had run through and stirred up all the hives, and caused the Aburame to fear going deaf from all the buzzing. Aburame Shibi had the worst of it, someone had made it into his room and somehow managed to kick himself and his wife out, sent their bugs scattering to the four winds, but not leaving the compound, and had locked them out. Shino was still in the room and was probably traumatized for life, all the while thinking that his parents were punishing him for asking to many questions the week before. The torture that he experienced was in the form of having to listen to who he thought were his parents making him a sibling. Upon hearing a name that he was not familiar with, the woman that he thought was his mother calling out the name of another man, caused the poor impresionable youth to think that his mother was cheating on his father, and had probably forgotten that he was still in the room. In the end, the famous Aburame logic flew out the window, and Shino curled up into a ball and wept, and could not sleep. A few hours into it, the sound of shuffling of sheets alerted Shino to the fact that the two people, one of whom he thought was his mother, and the other being who he thought was his mother's lover, were leaving the room. He thought he was safe from all the horrors that the world had, all the karma that he had obtained from asking far too many questions. He knew and understood everything there was to know about the birds and the bees. He found his father's hidden collection of Icha Icha books. He read them, and had done some private research on the subject. When he thought all his suffering was over, he took off the blanket that was covering his weeping and shivering form, and tried to leave the room. He tried to, but before he could succeed he met his parents at the door, his father and mother were both covered only in their kikai, at the sight of them he fainted.

When Shino finally regained consciousness, he was greeted by the sight of his parents, as well as the rest of the clan hovering over him, all of them with concern etched on their faces. They were all in the clan's kitchens. Somehow all the members had been able to calm down their bugs and gathered them up. The Aburame found that three people had replaced the original eight people that were running around their home. There was only about two hours left til daybreak, the Aburame had tried to escape from their compound only to find that all paths were blocked by walls of buzzing bees. The only clan that they knew of that used bees was the Kamizuru clan, and the Aburame feared that the clan had finally come to exact their revenge. Which was why the whole clan had holed themselves up in the clan's kitchens. From within the safety of the walls of their home, the Aburame could hear the buzzing grow louder and louder as the seconds ticked by. Then as suddenly as the sun rose over the horizon the buzzing stopped.

Shibi was the first to leave the safety of the kitchen, his clansmen protested, somehow Shino was able to push his trauma to the back of his mind and tried to stop his father from leaving, when nothing could stop the man's decision to go out into the unknown, Shino finally realized how great his father was. His mother had a little earlier explained that whoever was in the room with him wasn't them which calmed his fears a little, she also managed to reassure him that they were not mad at him, and did not punish him for asking too many question, they had been trying to get in, but were stopped by two hidden figures in the darkness of the night. His mother's reassurances and his father's choice of protecting the clan, had washed away any resdual effects of the trauma that he had gone through, but that did not mean that he would not be visiting a Yamanaka to help get rid of the traumatizing memories locked in his brain.

Shibi left the safety of the kitchen expecting to be attacked, but what met him was silence, total silence, it was as if the whole world around him was dead. He thought the worst of the situation, he thought that Iwa had attacked in the night, and managed to kill of everyone in the village and left the Aburame alive, loneliness a fate worse than death. He decided to look around the compound, so he left a Mushi Bushin to guard the place his immediate family was hiding in. Jumping to the roof, he let his bugs loose, and made them scout out the whole of the compound. The bugs reported that all his clansmen were alive, there was no immediate danger to the clan, but he had to make sure before he allowed them out into the world. So he raced on the rooftops, and physically saw for himself that all was clear. When he was sure, he created some mushi bushins and had them tell the rest of the clan that it was safe to go out. But before he could go back to his wife and child, he saw smoke coming from where he knew the Hyuuga district to be. He decided that it would be a good idea to investigate the smoke. So he gathered some of the men of his clan and took to the rooftops and ran for the Hyuuga.

While the Aburame had to go through such a horrifying experience, the Yamanaka and the Akimichi did not fare any better. During the night the two clans had met up in the Nara forest, they noticed that the Nara deer were all panicky, as if there was something out to get them. They noticed that not a single Nara, not even the clan head had come to greet them. Half of the two clans went to investigate why none, not one Nara had come to greet them, while the other half went into the forest to see what had the deer so spooked.

The half that went to see what was up with the Nara found them all in their beds, wide awake, their eyes were all open staring off into space, their hands firmly clamped over their ears. Something had happened to them, and the Yamanakas and Akimichis wanted to know what. They split up into groups of three, and searched for any non-catatonic Nara. Not even the normally lively Yoshino was in such a state, Shikaku looked to have been in the process of seeing what it was that had caused his entire clan into being in such a state. He was the worst case that the two other clans had found, since he was the only one that was moving, rolling on the floor as if in agony, but still the only one moving.

The others had turned up nothing, there wasn't anything in the Nara district that clued them in on what had caused the Nara to go into such a state. Little did they know that all the Nara were put under a genjutsu which let then think that they were experienceing their greatest fears. They would fear peace and quiet for the next month. The illusion would leave to lasting damage. The only reason that Shikaku was squirming on the ground was because his illusion had been tweaked by the fact that he had not succumbed to the original illusion, he had been able to somehow fight it. His illusion made him see his worst fear happen to him, the illusion all the while telling him that it was because he was lazy, he could hear the sounds of someone sounding like his wife in the process of making the next generation, and he could feel his wife beating the shit out of him for being lazy.

The other half of the Yamanaka and Akimichi clans, had gone into the woods to investigate what had the deer spooked. At first they did not find anything, but a few more meters worth of walking seemed to bear some fruit, fruit that they did not particularly like to eat. What they met up with caused them all to turn tail and run like hell back to village proper. The beings that met them were a lot of bears, a helluvalotta bears. There were more bears than the Konoha citizens could count, or hope to fight against. So they ran.

In reality most of the bears were actually henge'd bushins of different elements, their creators were among the drunks that were under the effects of the alcohol that they had consumed, the reason why the deer were all on edge was the fact that these henge'd people were all releasing enough KI to spook all the wildlife in the area, including the native bear population. They all gave chase to the escaping as if the devil were on their heels Yamanakas and Akimichis. They ran around the forest in circles until the dawn was upon them, as the first rays of sun hit the bears they systematically burst into smoke or whatever element they were made out of, the nins then shunshin'd their drunk selves successfully back to the restaurant to teleport home.

The Hyuuga had it bad, but not as bas as some other clans. Their night had started out fine, that was until they had to deal with a serial underwear thief. The underwear thief did not discriminate between male or female, young or old, main or branch, whoever it was stole underwear, not just one or two pieces, but all pieces. Without warning the Hyuuga, each and every one of them were attacked, even the underwear that they wore while they slept was not safe. All their underwear was stolen.

Hyuuga Yako, youngest son of Hyuuga Hizashi, woke in the middle of the night after hearing the sound of someone giggling. His father had told him that giggling meant one of three things, the first being someone found something funny, the second being that someone found someone else cute, and the third being someone was doing something perverted. Yako believed the giggle to be a sign of the third option, or possibility. Engaging his Byakugan, he was barely able to see the outline of a man running around here and there, gathering up people's underwear. It creeped him out to the max. His father had never told him of how to handle a situation like the one that he was presently in. So he did the only thing that he could think of: he woke up his older brother.

Neji woke with a start only to find his little brother staring down at him. He also saw that his brother had forgotten to disengage his Byakugan, so Neji engaged his own only to see what his brother saw. Someone was sneaking around the compound stealing underwear, Neji checked and found his own missing, the someone had managed to slightly hide from the Byakugan which was a commendable feat all its own, but to steal underwear from one of the most prestigious clans in all of Konoha was a no-no, and Neji was determined to stop the thief.

"Yako, follow me, but first disengage your eyes, don't speak or make any noise, just hold onto my shirt, understand?" Neji said, and saw his brother nod his head, and shut off his bloodline.

The siblings silently as they could made their way to their parents' room, once inside they woke them up and whispered them the situation. Their parents led them out of the room and toward Hiashi's room to wake him up. The Hyuuga clan were woken up one family at a time, eventually the whole clan were trailing behind the head families, who were trailing after the thief.

The thief had sensed their presence ever since the little Hyuuga named Hanabi had tripped on her nightgown. He knew that he had to act quickly else he would get caught. So he did what he set out to do, he created Kage Bushins and had them take a fourth of the women's underwear and scatter them all throughout the village. The underwear of the Hyuuga was easily distinguishable, due to the fact that each and every piece of clothing that the clan owned had the clan name stiched on it somewhere, including their under garments. What remained of the clothes was dropped into a single pile, gasoline was poured on it, the Hyuuga were only able to see that some kind of liquid was poured on the pile. Then the thief dropped a lit match on the garments and high tailed it out of there, even in his drunken stupor he knew that getting caught by the blind looking people was a bad idea.

The Hyuuga rushed to the big burning pile of clothes, the thief momentarily forgotten. The passed buckets of water, in a hopeless attempt to douse the flames and save what underwear had not yet been touched by the flames. Some of the members that knew the Kaiten tried it while holding fans in each hand, the only thing that they had managed to do was strengthen the flames.

That was the sight that met the Aburame party, they knew a few suiton jutsu and tried to put out the flames, it seemed that the gasoline was not actually gasoline but toad oil, and which caused the flames to be harder to kill as compared to if the flames were fueled by gasoline. The clothes were burning up a storm.

The Anbu were having the worst time of their lives, they had managed to get Mifune down, had found his clothes, and managed to get rid of his hangover. With their Kage, well, apparently Hiruzen was still drunk enough to beat the shit out of his Anbu while still tied to his nose, upside down, and in his boxers. He fought his most loyal subordinates with Drunken Monkey Fish taijutsu. They didn't stand a chance.

When the Anbu had finally gotten their Hokage down, clothed, and sober, he had ordered them to take care of everything as he was extremely sleepy. He walked to his home, where his guard from the night before were waiting for him, all four of them were sleeping in front of his front door. He didn't bother waking them up and went straight to bed. Apparently, when the Anbu had first found him was only a few minutes after he had fallen asleep, and sleep fighting was actually tiring.

Ibiki was in charge of the Anbu's effort to bring peace and harmony back in the village, it wouldn't do if other countries found out what had happened to Konoha within the span of only one night. He had received reports as well as heard many a tale from the Anbu as well some of the Konoha clan representatives that had come to brief him on the situation. He had absolutely no clue as to what to do, he couldn't think of a way to get things back into working order. There had been reports of not only Iwa invading in the night, but attacks from Kumo, Kiri, Suna, Ame, Akatsuki, lots of different Nuke-nin, and a host of other things, there were even reports of bears in the hundred that vanished as soon as the rays of the sun hit them.

'_I didn't think I'd have to handle this, when I signed up for ANBU!_' Ibiki thought to himself as he pitied himself all the more with every new report or tale he received and heard.

There was even a report of Anko going ballistic and was hunting all the academy instructors, since apparently one of them had the balls to break into her home and steal her clothes, and most importantly her underwear. An Anbu team had been dispatched to try and resolve the situation, Ibiki hadn't heard from them since, when he tried to contact them via radio, all he got was static. Then he spotted her, or them, it seemed that there was one very suicidal Chuunin that had decided to distract Anko by doing who knows what in order to save his comrades and the Anbu that were sent to resolve the situation.

Iruka knew he was going to die, and if not then at the very least live his life in constant pain. He just had to act like a hero and sacrifice his life in order for his fellow instructors and that one Anbu unit to escape. How the hell was he to know that Anko would react in such a way to his comment about what a nice view it was, when he peaked under the towel that was covering her naked body. Sure he was in heaven for the few seconds that he had seen her womanly goodies, but those seconds in heaven caused him an eternity in hell. He had for the past twenty minutes been running away from something that would have made even the Shinigame crap his pants. Anko only saw red ever since Iruka played pervert, she flung any and every pointy thing she could find at the chuunin. He ran dodged, ducked, backflipped, cartwheeled, he did everything he could think of to avoid what he knew to be the inevitable.

Ibiki was glad for the distraction, the running pair of Iruka and Anko was a sight for sore eyes, Anko in only a towel was great eye candy, and Iruka running for his life was both the funniest, and probably bravest thing that all the Shinobi had ever seen. One does not piss off Mitarashi Anko for any reason, save maybe to help her get into the killing mood, but in this case, it wasn't a very smart move, but it was a very brave move. The other chuunin and Anbu that were originally part of the chase arrived just as Iruka and Anko passed for a second time.

"Woohoo! Go Iruka!" one of the chunin yelled.

"Great backflip, 'Ruka!" another one called out.

"I'll give you a ten for that one!" yet another one hollered.

All in all the shinobi were cheering Iruka on, which both made him feel happy while at the same time made him feel like he wanted to kill them all.

Iruka was about to reach a gap between two buildings, it was a dark alley, the kind that one does not want to find themselves alone with a sadistic stranger out for blood, which was the exact reason why, instead of jumping across, Iruka jumped in, but not before giving a farewell salute to his co-workers. What followed his fall was Anko heading in after him. That was when all the banging started, it sounded like a fight, where one side was being pummeled to mush. But when the truth came to light, all the spectators were surprised. For climbing out of the alley and onto one roof was Iruka, with a few cuts and bruises, and only in his boxers. Anko followed, wearing Iruka's uniform, which were a little loose on her, she held in one hand her towel, and seemed to sport a cut lip. The two of them then shunshin'd infront of Ibiki.

"The Anko situation has been resolved, so Ibiki-sama, whatcha want me to do next?" Iruka asked, he had after all just escaped with his life intact, the only casualties were his clothes, and the scratches and bruises from wrestling Anko into his clothes.

"Well, seeing as all the action is starting to die down, and the village is resolving everything, and Hokage-sama has gone to bed..." Ibiki paused to think of what to do, then he faced the Anbu that were present, "Anbu inform all the affected clans and citizens that the situation has been resolved, and compensations for troubles and the like will be taken care of or seen to tomorrow, by the Hokage. He will be unavailable for the rest of the day due to how tired taking on the situation was for him."

After receiving their orders all the Anbu that were in uniform left the scene.

"Everyone else, let's all go grab something to eat! It's nearly lunch!" Ibiki called out, and his order was greeted by the cheers of the nin surrounding him.

"So Anko-hime, how bout we pass by my place so I can grab a set of clothing, then have lunch at that Dango place you're so fond of?" Iruka asked Anko.

"S-sure..'Ruka-kun," Anko stuttered, while a little blush made its presence known, then Iruka grabbed Anko, and carried her bridal style all the way to his apartment.

"Let us all pause, for a moment of silence, and pray that Iruka may see heaven by the end of the day, the lucky dolphin," Izumo said.

"Amen," all the other chuunin said after a moment of silence.


	18. Chapter 18

Disclaimer: If its Naruto, I don't own it. If someone else owns it, I definitely don't own it.

Warning: OCs OOCs Sues, and some crack. You have been warned.

Note: AU.

Note #2: Read Lost if you want something more serious.

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**Screw It**

**Chapter Eighteen**

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Ever since his field promotion, Naruto had been going on missions, most of the time accompanied by Itachi to get a feel of things while being aided by someone he knew, and could work with without having to get used to one another. Itachi's wedding in Hidden Found had opened the Hokage's eyes to one of the truths in the world, the shinobi world had been compromised. Many of the shinobi that were running around the continent were found in the Land of the Lost, Madara had a literal monopoly in the continent when it came to shinobi resources. Peace was more or less guaranteed when most of the other village's heavy hitters were actually not real, and the real ones were members of Hidden Found. There was also the fact that apparently Kiri was an ally of Found. It was one of the things that the Yondaime Mizukage had told him upon seeing him. The country with more secrets than all the others was in league with Hidden Found. The Hokage had also found out that Lost and Found had a samurai corps, similar to that of Iron Country. During the wedding reception, Hiruzen had been pulled aside by Madara to talk about a possible alliance or just plain peace treaty. Madara held the secret to paperwork hostage, until Hiruzen agreed to a number of things that he would normally not permit to be done. One of the things that Hiruzen had agreed to was that Found could steal some missions from Konoha, should Found want to, either that or make whatever mission they wanted a joint mission, shared objective, pay, whatever. Hidden Found's secrets remained Hidden Found's secrets, while Konoha's secrets were laid at Madara's feet. There were a bunch of other things that were agreed upon, when the village council found out about the agreement, there was nothing that could be done about it, as all the documents had already been signed. When Hiruzen found out what the secret was, he nearly commited sepuku, but was stopped from doing so by Naruto.

Naruto had just been assigned his first solo mission, well solo only considering that there were no Konoha-nin accompanying him, but it was also a joint mission with Hidden Found. Naruto was assigned as team leader, and his teammates were none other than Hoshigaki Kisame and the Demon Brothers. The mission was a search and destroy, Konoha had received reports of pirates terrorizing the fishing town on the southern border of Fire Country, and Naruto was given the task of making sure that those pirates stopped their harassment of fishermen. Madara had sent Kisame just to help liven things up a bit, while Gouzu and Meizu were Naruto's back up, all three were under Naruto's command. The group of four arrived at the water's edge near one of the fishing villages whose fishermen were tormented by the pirates when they went out to sea to fish for their lives.

The first order of business was for Naruto to have the Demon Brothers to set up base camp, then Kisame was told to scout out the coastline for any sign of the Pirates. Then Naruto created some one hundred clones, and had them construct a boat which he planned on using to combat the pirates. Sure he was ten, but that didn't matter really, since a child's mind was one of the deadliest things in the world. From imagination, to creation, to reality, add the fact that Naruto was a natural born prankster, and had more luck than Lady Luck, and you got one crazy kid.

Night had come, and so had Kisame with no evidence of the pirates having dropped anchor near the coast. They were probably somewhere farther out at sea, which was perfect due to the fact that Naruto's boat was nearing completion, another day or two and it would be finished. Madara had told him a tale about a Fountain Battle, as well as stories about someone named Davy Jones or something like that. Naruto wanted to have a little bit of adventure in his life, and if he could pretend to be some immortal ghost captain then so be it, first thing he'd be needing was a boat, or rather a ship, the sea monster he already had at his disposal thanks to Kisame and his whole Monster of the Mist thing. The Demon Brothers would serve as his first and second mates.

In the morning Naruto decided to do some exploring, so he told the Demon Brothers to remain at camp, and train or whatever, while he and Kisame went out exploring. Their first stop was the boat, or rather ship construction site, it could now be considered a ship due to its size, it appeared that the clones had gone overboard, and built a ship rather than just a simple boat. It was in western design and not eastern. The Flying Dutchman was being born, and Naruto knew that he needed a more solid crew than just clones, Kisame, Gouzu, and Meizu, hopefully the rest of his little adventure would turn up some possible crew members. Before leaving the site, Naruto decided to create a thousand more clones to help speed up the building process, as well as build two more ships, these ones slightly smaller than the man-o-war with its future sixty cannons, t'was a good thing Naruto decided to pass by Madara's house to ask for advice on what to bring, and the man had supplied him with some summoning scrolls for anything the kid needed for his little adventure. The mission scroll noted that the pirates actually consisted of enough big ships to make up a fleet and were preying on southern Fire Country, probably in preparation for a larger invasion or attack which would possibly be against the water countries.

The pair left the site heading in the direction of the closest fishing village to gather more information on the situation, both applied a basic henge on themselves in order to somehow blend in and not cause anyone to be suspicious of them, it would not do to be found out by the pirates before the right time arose. The camp site and construction sites were secreted away via genjutsus making them disappear from view, which kept the operation safe. Once inside the village both Naruto and Kisame went their separate ways, Naruto heading for the docks to talk to the fishermen and gleam whatever information he could from their tales, and Kisame to the local bar to gleam whatever information he could from their drunken slurs. The location of the village was right on the border of Fire and Tea, which meant that it was possible that the pirate fleet was hiding further south of the border and coastline of Fire Country, from what the two ninja could piece together from the tales and slurs that they had listened to, the pirate fleet was indeed anchored somewhere along the coast of Tea Country, which made finding them a whole lot harder. The fishermen also said that they suspected that the pirates knew how to use chakra, which was the main reason why they had sent for aid from Konoha to deal with the pirate menace, but the fishermen had yet to receive word that any shinobi had been sent to their aid, they did suppose that they did not know anything about it due to some secrecy or something like that.

Once the two had gathered enough information they made their way back to camp, but as they started to leave the village, they both sensed that something was not right. Their gut feel was confirmed when they started to hear the sound of cannons firing somewhere in the distance. Running to the docks to see what all the commotion was about the two nin arrived to witness a sea battle between around four pirate ships against four of Fire Country's naval corps. The battle was a fierce one, and it ended a few hours later with the pirates running with their tails tucked between their legs. The villagers cheered for the victory, a little while later they welcomed the sailors that had managed to scare off the pirates. Naruto decided to leave, but ordered Kisame to remain and observe the situation and alert him to any developments that may arise in his absence.

Naruto ran as fast as his chakra enhanced legs could carry him back to camp. Upon arriving there he told the Demon Brothers to pack up and head for the construction sites. Once all three of them were there Naruto created another one thousand clones, his limit was five thousand, the clones were then ordered to speed up the process even more. Naruto then focused on summoning the supplies needed for the ships, ordering the Demon Brothers to do the same. There was a list for the two brothers to follow, which made summoning a whole lot easier. Their supplier was none other than Rosuto Juushu, who had, in the past few years, become good friends with Madara. Once all three ships had been completed, they were all manuevered to the water with the aid of a helluvalotta suiton jutsu. Even though Naruto had been unable to find a suitable crew, he guessed his more resilient than normal kage bushins would have to do as crew for the time being. The ships were not as primitive as one would think them to be, they actually had a few technologies that made navigation and communication a whole lot easier. Also aside from the wooden outside, the insides were enforced with metal, making them sturdier and stronger ships overall.

After waiting for another day or two, Kisame finally ran up to the flagship and jumped on board, he had news, be it good or bad was not important, all that mattered was that a few hours ago the pirates had attacked. They had nearly slaughtered the Fire Country naval corps ships that were stationed at the nearby fishing village. After the relatively short battle the ships did not appear to be heading in the direction from which they came, rather they appeared to be headed in the direction of the rest of the fishing villages of Fire. Naruto then ordered his clone crew to shove off, the flagship in the middle of the two smaller galleons, all four shinobi on the flagship, their destination was the pirate fleet that were making their way up the coast. Contrary to what is perceived as fact, Naruto's three ships weren't slow at all, they moved as fast as any modern ship in Elemental, and if Naruto wanted they could move even faster, fuuton jutsu were very useful, as were engines, motors, and the like, but those technologies could only be used for a limited amount of time before they needed recharging.

Naruto and company caught up with the pirates, but they were too late to save the four villages that they had passed, excluding the one that had the four naval corps vessels. There were a total of twenty five pirate ships, and they were about to move on to their next and last target along the Fire Country coastline. Naruto would not let them go any further. He had five hundred of his clones make a dense fog to hide the three ships from view as well as have the fog roll over the pirate ships. Once the fog was in place, and Naruto was sure that the pirates, even with their superior numbers, felt a little bit of unease. Knowing that a good prank was about to be unleashed, Naruto ordered his crew to move the ships forward slowly out of the dense fog, an in view of the pirate ships, all the while covering the ship in a number of illusions to make it look more like a ghost ship. When the pirate ships saw Naruto's flagship, Naruto could visibly see that some of the pirates began to panic due to the sudden appearance of the ship, a number of the ships began to move onwards and away from the ship faster, while the others stayed where they were, uneasily preparing for anything. Naruto had his two smaller ships hide within the fog, and also have the sides of the ships and their cannons face the pirate ships. Naruto then had his main ship move along side what appeared to be the pirates' flagship. Once there he did as he believed the mythological captain would do to call his monster from the depths of the ocean or sea. The pirates felt rather than heard something like a bell tolling underwater, Naruto told Kisame to summon the bosses of his summoning contracts, those of the octopus and the shark.

Kisame dove underwater and quickly summoned the two bosses, during the voyage to catch up Kisame had already briefed the two bosses on their roles in the wanton destruction of the pirate fleet. The bosses then did their thing, the shark slowly circles the ships, while the octopus or what could be considered as the kraken swam under the ships occasionally hitting one of them, both action caused the pirates to feel a little bit more fear. After a few more minutes of tense silence passed, Naruto gave the signal for his ship to open fire on the pirate flagship, an action that the flagship's captain had not been expecting. The cannons had made themselves known appearing from their holes on the side of Naruto's ship, not a second later the flagship of the pirates started to sink, and Naruto ordered the cannons to be fired at will. Kisame from underwater gave the signal for the bosses to attack the rest of the fleet, which they did with as much enthusiasm as they could muster. Kisame even joined in with his impersonation of a shark using his sword as a makeshift shark's fin. Naruto's smaller ship also opened fire, they darted in and out of the fog which protected them from view, and sunk ship after ship, they helped each other out with each ship since the two galleons did not have as many cannons as the man-o-war which was the flagship.

The life of a shinobi was a rather short one, but the lives of the pirates were even shorter. The ones that had not died due to cannonfire or due to the boss summons attacks were fished out of the water by the clone crew and brought aboard the three ships. The pirates were given a choice, serve Naruto or die, not all of them went with the easy way out, and Naruto and company were forced to kill those tha did not want to serve. Once all the pirate ships had been sunk, Naruto created another two thousand clones, this time instead of building ships he had them salvage what was left of the twenty-five that were sunk, and had the clones store them in storage scrolls, quite a feat but Naruto had the chakra to spare, and so did his clones, all that training he did under the watchful eyes of Madara had paid off, and the young lad had more chakra than five Kages combined, but Madara had more.

For the trip Naruto had dispelled a large number of his clones, only leaving a grand total of six hundred fifty clones to man the ships, two hundred clones for each of the two galleons, and two hundred fifty for the flagship. Out of the estimated five thousand men that had manned the twenty five ships, there were only roughly two thousand survivors, the rest had either drowned or had become seafood for the boss summons. Of the two thousand that remained, Naruto and his team interrogated them all, with the help of clones, to determine if there were any more pirates left out at sea. Naruto and company, had found out that the pirates, whose ships they had just sunk, were only members of one of many fleets that were geared towards making the Land of Water their own, in short the pirates who actually came from all over Elemental, had teamed up with criminals from other parts of the world, and decided that they wanted a country of their own. Naruto wouldn't stand for it, and neither would the former Land of Water citizens and warriors. So of the two thousand that they had captured and interrogated, Naruto had decided that only half deserved to live, and he made the living remainders become members of his small fleet. Three ships do not make a fleet, Naruto did not intend to send for help, instead he intended to construct more ships, and gather more crew members, thirteen ships were all that he believed he would need. He had just gained a thousand more members, all he needed were the ships. When the clones were done sealing, they headed for shore, the three ships not far behind them, Kisame dismissed his summons on the way there.

Through the interrogations that Naruto and his team had conducted, he had found out that orignally there were nuke-nin with them, but the boss of the fleet had decided that the the invasion force needed more people with the ability to use chakra, and since they had yet to encounter any ninja, they could take the chance to be rid of the arrogant members of their motley crew, which in the end had cost the pirate armada twenty five ships.

Once the ships had dropped anchor Naruto needed more ships to be made, good thing that he had already had a few spare parts from the formerly sunken pirate ships. After his clones had unsealed the remains of the pirate ships, Naruto had created more clones, making him have five thousand clones to order around. He had the clones then construct six more ships, the remaining four of the planned thirteen would be built when there were more potential crew members. Naruto had been told that the mission could probably be a long term one, and that he was not expected to return for at least a few months, so going to the Land of Water with a fleet of ships of his own was not out of the question, and the good thing was that he was being paid to do it, not that he was in it for the money, that was only part of the reason, the bigger and more important reason was that it was the right thing to do, that and it was the fun thing to do.

Naruto summoned up a large amount of supplies from using his summoning scrolls, and was able to obtain enough food to feed his crew of one thousand and three members, that already included his teammates yet excluded himself and his clones. While the ships were being built he and his three teammates went about the ardorous task of figuring out the positions that each member of the new crew would be taking up. The clones would be relegated to the crewless ships, while the human member would be assigned to the original three ships, with the rest being divided equally among the other six ships, with the clones taking up the positions that were still vacant. Naruto was the captain of captains, while Kisame, Gouzu, and Meizu were given command of a ship each, the rest of the ships would be under the command of a clone, until such a time that Naruto found someone worthy of being given command of a ship. When one of the new crew members had asked Naruto what the names of the ships were, that was the only time that Naruto had thought about it. He named his ship, he flagship, The Red Whirlpool or Akauzu. Kisame named his ship after himself, The Monster of the Hidden Mist or Kirigakure no Kaijin or simply Monster for short. Gouzu had named his ship Heaven or Joukai, while his brother Meizu named his ship Hell or Makai. The other ships remained nameless until they received a human captain.

When the ships were all completed, Naruto gave the order to set sail, their destination were the archipelago that made up the water nations, but Naruto's primary destination was the Land of Water, and more specifically Kiri. Kiri was the heart, and Naruto was sure that those Kiri-nins would need the most help.

As they travelled the ships positioned themselves in a triangle formation, made up of three smaller triangles. Naruto, Gouzu, and Meizu making up the first triangle, Kisame and two others making up the right triangle, and the remaining three ships making up the left triangle. All the ships had undergone some upgrades and slight modification to the design. Each ship was able to carry more than three hundred people, which meant that they could handle a lot more wieght than they were originally supposed to, there were also a few cannons on dack, these ones could swivel around which would allow the ship to fire in nearly any direction without having to make the ship face a certain direction before being allowed to launch its attack.

Naruto knew that his ships could move faster than the pirate ships, therefore he didn't need to worry about not arriving on time, since the hero usually shows up at the last second, Naruto was confident that he would arrive right on time with minutes to spare.

A few days of travelling later, Naruto and company saw a number of ships engaging what looked like shinobi, but not of any hidden village, it seemed that Madara had not gotten all of the bloodline clans like he had thought, there were still a few of them scattered throughout the archipelago, and it looked to be that Naruto had found some. It just so happned that the pirates had found them first. So he ordered his nine ships to form a straight line, their cannons facing the pirates. Once the order was given to fire, the nine ships sent cannonballs sailing over the water in a collision course with the pirate ships, most of which hit their mark, right on the money. Out of what appeared to be ten ships, Naruto was able to sink two, and damage the rest. Naruto then ordered a reload, and to fire at will, which was exactly what the nine ships' gunners did. The sudden arrival and attack brought about by Naruto had caused the pirates to divert their attention from the shinobi and to Naruto. Deciding that simply commanding a ship was not enough, Naruto leapt off of his ship and charged the ships, Kisame, Gouzu, and Meizu, following after him, but they issued orders to their crew first before doing so.

The ships provided cover fire for the four nins running on the water's surface, each one charging up their own jutsu, the nuke-nin on board the ships realized who one of them was and alerted his comrades to the approaching danger. Kisame was the first to attack, he created sharks made out of water and had them attack the ships, each shark took a bite out of a ship before turning back into shapeless water.

Aboard the ship that Kisame attacked was a Kumo-nuke-nin, one of not that high a rank worth something, he decided that since the assailants were in the water he might as well shock them to death, so he primed a raiton jutsu and jumped into the water, while coating himself in his own chakra to protect him from the lethal charge. The four nin seeing this propelled themselves out of the water, with Naruto letting loose his own attack, he literally blew a hole into one ship, causing it to immediately begin to sink, the kumo-nuke-nin was unfortunately in the path of the fuuton jutsu.

Landing back in the water, the four nin prepared another round of jutsu, the Demon Brothers let loose their first round when they fell back into the water, their attack consisted of sending a mini tsunami at one of the ships nearly causing it to capsize.

A Iwa-nuke-nin thought to try his own luck at disabling the advancing four, and let loose his own attack, which consisted of sand dragons forming at speeding in the direction of the four running nin. Naruto and Kisame let loose their own attacks to deflect the incoming dragons, these being water dragons. The dragons clashed spraying salt water and sand everywhere, which more or less signified that the attacks had cancelled each other out. But before the Iwa-nuke-nin could send out another attack he was sliced literally in half by the Demon Brothers' chain.

Madara had taught Naruto rasengan, which would explain why Naruto decided to form a rasengan in each hand and had Kisame throw him like a missile at one of the other remaining ships. Kisame then attacked another ship shark style, accompanying him were his water shark constructs. The Demon Brothers decided to split up and board different ships and take out as many pirates and nuke-nin as they possibly could.

Whe Naruto finally landed he used the still spinning spheres to send pirates and ninja flying here and there, he also used them to block and deflect attacks. While Naruto did his thing Kisame made minced meat out of his opponents, and the Demon Brothers disemboweled theirs. All four refrained from killing those that decided to help them rather than fight them. The ninja from land after the initial shock that help had arrived dove back into battle.

At the end of the day, ten more ships had been turned into spare parts, and Naruto had gained some new crew members. Some of the ninja that were saved from the pirates had decided to join Naruto and his merry men in their quest of stopping the pirate menace that plagued the waters of the archipelago. These ninja had formed a hidden village of their own, one that only wanted to be left alone, but due to their solitude they were left to fend for themselves, and look what it cost them, a number of lives were lost in the process of defending their freedom, as well as selfishness. Naruto decided that they would not move forward for the meantime and would continue at dawn.

Nearly the same thing happened every week for a few months, Naruto had eventually had to complete his collection of thirteen ships, due to actually running out of space on his nine ships, even though each of the galleons could hold up to four hundred people, plus supplies and the like, with the flagship being able to hold up to five hundred. Naruto had, for the past year, been able to gather quite a lot of followers. He was eleven by the time that his fleet had spotted the actual tail end of the pirate armada. It was a frightful number. Thirteen against more than three hundred, but Naruto believed that he and his crew would be able to live through the battle that was to come and survive.

His entire crew by now were all human, no more clones were needed to man the ships, but for what Naruto needed to happen he needed to create his five thousand clones. Once present he ordered them to form he fog and raise the illusions. Another thing he had his clones do was stilling the waters, no waves just an unmoving surface save for the few ripples that were created from the moving vessels, Kisame had to create a thousand clones of his own to help in the endeavor. Yet another thing that Naruto needed done was for the wind to stop blowing all together, somehow he and a few members of his crew were able to calm the winds, from gust to breeze to calm.

Each of the thirteen ships carried exactly one hundred storage scrolls, each one had sealed in it two cannons, but instead of balls, they fired kunai, they were like rail guns. Each ship also held another hundred scrolls, these ones containing two gun boats. Naruto ordered his crew to jump into the water and unseal the gun boats, as well as a cannon for each boat. The crew did as ordered and moved the boats into position within in the fog. Kisame somehow made it possible for Naruto's crew to see through the fog. After all the vessels were in position, Kisame knew that it was time for him to play his part. He dived into the water and summoned as many of his summons as he could as well as the bosses, which took up two thirds of his chakra. He then ordered the his summons to do as in the past and relay what to do to their subordinates, then he made his way back onto his ship.

The Demon brothers spat out orders to the crew members under their commands, the sailors were to prepare to begin the attack, while the ninja were to prepare to jump ship and run up to what would remain after the first volley were fired. The ninja would act as support for the long range gun boats, they themselves using what long range jutsu they knew of could come up with on the fly.

But before signalling the start of the attack, Naruto thought of something, so he radio'd the ship that had the hyouton using ninja and ordered them to start freezing the water once Akauzu started approaching the pirate ships, they were to send chills up and down the spines of the pirates and nuke-nin alike.

As the Akauzu made its way out of the denser portion of the fog the water started to freeze, and those that held the winds at bay allowed cold winds to blow, but with the ice forming over the sea the ships were unable to move, excluding Naruto's fleet that is. The ghost ship that some of the pirates that managed to escape and survive the previous sea battles told tales of a ghost fleet that arrived with a dense fog, with sea monsters that put most myths and legends to shame. After the first ship came out of the mist, Naruto deceded to alter the act a little bit, he ordered the other twelve to some out of the fog one after the other, and had them pass between the unmoving ships until they formed triangles of three which formed the corners of a large diamond with the Akauzu at the center. The ships then had their cannons face the armada.

The armada felt like there was an earth quake, soon after they could see shapes moving beneath the nearly frozen waters, shapes of sharks and octopi. There were hundreds of them, all of them swimming beneath the waters. The three hundred ships that made up the tail end of the armada knew that there was a very slim chance that they would survive the battle that was to come, very slim in fact that they had nearly lost hope. Good thing there were a few non-believers in ghost stories. These men ralied the crews and had them prepare the guns, they knew that there were such things as illusions, and what they were seeing was probably just one big illusions, and that is was possible that the only reason that the other fleets that had fallen to the trick had in all actuality just attacked themselves. The armada would hold their fire until those hidden under the illusions would make the first move, and possibly reveal their position.

When Naruto was in position he ordered the signal to be given to the other ships and for the attack to begin. The three hundred ships didn't know what hit them, it wasn't going as the stories had said things would go. The pirates and nuke-nin were not prepared for a rain of kunai stabbing and slicing through flesh and bone, crew members died after the initial attack. The cannonballs blew holes through the ships, damaging them enough them to be impossible to move once the water was returned to normal. The six ships surrounding the Akauzu were the worst off since after the first volley all six were sunk, their entire crew turned into snacks for the sharks. The criminals knew not what to do, they were all in shock, but as the Kraken and Isonade finally dragged two ships down into the depths, all hell broke loose. The criminals started panicking all the while firing their cannons at anything that didn't look remotely real.

The ninja members of Naruto's crew jumped ship and ran towards the edge of the battlefield and let loose their long range attacks, a bunch of different elements made their presences known by taking the shapes of different animals all of which headed right for the ships. Some of the ninja decided that it would be a good idea to ride the elemental constructs all the way to the ships to engage the criminals in mortal combat, one of these shinobi was Kisame himself.

Naruto in the thick of things decided to act as a long range fighter and shot rasengans left and right the palms of his hands were turned into makeshift cannons for the blue balls. He did cartwheels, summersaults, backflips, flips, and the like, all the while flinging rasengans at the criminals, killing some, maiming others, and knocking other unconscious.

Once the battle had ended, Naruto sent clones out to seal up the now spare parts, as well as the bodies or just the heads of the nuke-nins that were killed in the battle, along with anyone else that had a bounty on them. Kisame had his clones do the same, while the Demon Brothers went about making sure that all injured were treated by each of the ships' doctors.

Once everything had been fixed, crew members were well rested, and everything was ready for the battle ahead, Naruto gave the order, they would not be stopping for anything, he knew that the rest of the armada had already begun its attack on the capital or core of the water nations archipelago, the Land of Water. Kirigakure shinobi and the Water Country naval corps would have their hands full. Those bastards were known as being some of the hardest people to kill, and Naruto would make sure that his fleet got a piece of the action, there were more than nine hundred ships remaining, and Naruto and company couldn't wait.

Naruto ordered the gun boats accompanied by at least five ninja to be the vanguard of his little fleet, they would arrive first and set up a perimeter around the invading armada.

The gun boats were the first to arrive and made an assessment of the battle that waged day and night, and orally relayed to Naruto what they had and were seeing. The deciding battle would have to take place on the day that Naruto arrived.

When Naruto's fleet arrived, he saw that the defending forces had not been able to summon their boss summons to aid them due to constantly having to defend themselves from the attacks of the criminals. Kisame upon arriving at his designated position summoned all that he could summon, and immediately sent them to attack the armada. Naruto gave the order to fire at will, and attack at will order. The criminal armada didn't bother watching their backs and were concentrating all their efforts in pushing back the defenders or killing them methodically one group at a time. The shark, octopus, and Kisame's new squid summons were a great surprise. The old seafarers didn't know what to think when the boss summons and their subordinates started ripping ships apart.

The ships of Naruto's fleet fired at will, they also charged the wooden vessels and chakra conductive metal vessels, firing a constant stream of cannonballs at the ships. The ninja on board the ships jumping off and engaging the nuke-nin in mortal combat, sure the odds were against Naruto and company, but that did not mean that they would lose. While Kisame joined in on the attack by shaving his opponents limbs off, the Demon Brothers tag-teamed their opponents disemboweling as many as they could encounter. Naruto on the other hand threw rasengan bombs on the other ships or in the middle of a bunch of criminals, the thrown rasengan would explode and throw out gale force cutting winds that would turn what ever they hit into minced meat.

As the battle drew to a close at least one fourth of the invaders had managed to flee in fear of losing their lives to the onslaught brought about by the Ghost Fleet led by Akauzu and her captain. As the thirteen ships dropped anchor a ways away from shore, the members of the crew decided to visit land for a bit. The leaders of the water nations approached Naruto and his team just as they had made it to shore, opting to ride a row boat instead of walk on water like some of the ninja that were members of his crew.

"Thanks for the help, I doubt we would have lasted a day longer," Yagura told Naruto.

"Don't mention it, actually my original mission was to stop the pirate menace harrassing the Fire Country coastline," Naruto said.

"So then why did you come out here? And where did you get those ships, and the crew to man them?" Yagura asked.

"Madara-sama sent me to help Naruto in his mission, he had an inkling of what might happen, which actually did happen which means that Lost and Found has honored the alliance agreement, now to answer your question, Naruto built the ships, and he got the crew members from some of the ships that we sunk, and the others from small communities scattered throughout the archipelago," Kisame answered for Naruto.

"Well excellent work! I'll write up a letter to the Fire Lord informing him of Naruto's role, and as for Madara-sama, well I'm sure you'll relay our thanks Kisame," Yagura said.

"Sure thing, Mizukage-sama," Kisame said.

"If that is all Mizukage-sama, we need to get back to our ships, and I need to address my men, as you do yours," Naruto said.

Naruto walked over to where the rest of his captain were sitting and waiting for him. Once among them he asked them what they wished to do now that the threat to the water archipelago had been removed. They each told him that they along with their respective crews wished to continue to serve him. So he told them of his plan of forming a trading company, the thirteen ships would be used in transporting goods around the continent, as well as delve into other businesses should he or the captains think of anything worth venturing in. He then told them that he was sure that there were possibly a whole lot more pirates and the like sailing the waters of the world, as well as lands yet to be explored. His three teammates along with the captains and their collective crews, as well as the crew of the Akauzu all agreed that they all wanted to work under him to achieve his dreams of action and adventure, all the while making a little money on the side. It was when they all agreed to serve him til eternity if need be that Shuukakuji was born.

Since Kisame, Gouzu, and Meizu, would have to return to their respective organizations or villages, and Naruto would have to return to his own as well, Naruto handed over control of his vessel to his first mate, a kunoichi, that went by the name Aiko. Kisame handed over temporary control to his first mate, a swordsman named Daisuke. Whlie Gouzou and Meizu handed over control to their first mates, brothers as well, that went by the names Isamu and Isao. Running of the business would be taken care of by the captains of the vessels, but all major decisions would be passed over to Naruto, as he was their boss.

When Naruto finally got back to Konoha he greeted his fellow chuunins and friends Izumo and Kotetsu that had been assigned gate guard duty. He then made his way to the Hokage Tower, and submitted to the Hokage his written report, followed by his oral report, followed by the letter to be sent to the Fire Lord. After Naruto told him the tale of the adventure that he had been on, Hiruzen bumped the mission up from merely A-rank to S-rank, complete with pay raise, and due to everything that happened on the mission, Naruto was promoted to Jounin at the age of twelve. In a few more weeks there would be a fresh crop of genin, and Naruto thought he'd like to have a go at teaching, even though he was still learning himself.


	19. Chapter 19

Disclaimer: If its Naruto, I don't own it. If someone else owns it, I definitely don't own it.

Warning: OCs OOCs Sues, and some crack. You have been warned.

Note: AU.

Note #2: Read Lost if you want something more serious.

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**Screw It**

**Chapter Nineteen**

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After Naruto left for his first solo mission, Madara's other businesses finally made themselves known to the world, or for the time being, Konoha. Madara had opened his businesses right beside one another, his restaurant was going strong, and his new businesses were relatively picking up speed. The shops were arranged in such a way that if one were simply what would be considered as a civilian, then there were two shops on the left of the restaurant that sold clothing, as well as an assortment of other things, to the right of the restaurant there were shinobi things, the products were brought to Konoha via caravans from Lost and Found, half of the gear and merchandise sold were made by the residents of Lost and Found, the other half were produced by Madara and his clones.

But like most businesses there were things that complicated life. For Madara it wasn't nescessarily the competition, but the owners and backers of the competition, not counting the guy he bought his clothes from, that guy was immortal and totally loyal to Madara, and had willingly moved shop to Hidden Found. The guys that Madara found himself at odds with were the underground factions that riddled Konoha.

The underground were considered as much a part of Konoha as the ninja were. The underground had connections or a hand in every form of government in all of Elemental, they were like a plague that was hard or nearly impossible to get rid of, and in some cases they were actually needed to keep peace and order. They had their uses, and therefore were tolerated.

Once his businesses started to blossom some of the underground started moving in on him, some were even fighting over him, and the bountiful harvest and protection money they could collect from him. Madara was no push over, and neither were any of his employees. But the Yakuza and gangs did not know that, or even care. After their first encounter with Madara, they had gotten it into their heads that they possibly needed to use their connections in government to find a way to take control of Madara and his businesses. There was no business in Konoha that should be allowed to thrive without the underground getting some profit from it, not even the ninja clan owned businesses were safe, so what made just another business man any different.

What made Madara so different was that he had the resources, and the man power to make sure that the underground could not strong arm him. The underground goons didn't know what to expect when Madara suddenly had guards outside his establishments, the patrons of the establishments knew that there was trouble afoot, but they were also all curious as to how the ramen chef would deal with a force that as it seemed not even the Fire Lord could deal with.

The guards were wearing the uniform of the jounin of Hidden Found, but the goons didn't know that, since one of the dead zones for all underground groups and organizations was Lost and Found. There simply was no way in, and directly challenging the ruler and leader of the place was suicide as a number of hotshop had found in Hidden Found's prison. They were unable to deal with the demons that danced in the pale moon light.

It was nearly closing time, and patrons of Madara's businesses opted to watch the show from a safe distance away, even the Uchiha Police Corps were unable to deal with the yakuza and gangs, but they wanted to see what rabbit Madara was going to pull out of his ass to deal with these kind of low life scum, some of which actually having a sense of honor, yet only used or followed it when it was beneficial to them.

The goons decided that they would start with the restaurant, so they went in, and not a full minute later did they come out screaming about demons and that the Shinigami was after them. Madara then ordered some of the jounin to chase after the goons, subdue them, and take them to Hidden Found. What the goons had found upon entering the restaurant were all the employees in their hanyou forms, all chatting with one another, all the while putting away everything for the night, as well as cleaning up the place. When they saw the goons that were supposed to rough them up a bit, they smiled, all innocent smiles, Ayame was near the cashier's counter, and was the only one that looked human, and was human for that matter, her innocent smile amongst all those of the demons was the creepiest thing of them all, and was the reason as to why the thugs were crying about the Shinigami being after them.

Seeing their allies run away in fright did not deter the thugs and goons from their objective, so instead of barging into the shops, they decided to destroy the outside while throwing things inside or through the store windows, and the like. To their shock, everything that was thrown at the shops were thrown back at them, and everything that managed to smash into the windows and enter were thrown back out at them. But the scariest part was when tendrils of demonic chakra flew out of the shops, grabbed the thugs, and brought them into the shops, once inside the screaming began, as well as sounds of flesh and bone being ripped off of their bodies. Madara then ordered the remainder of the guards to go into the shops and to retrieve the bodies, and make sure that none of them died it would not do for death to occurr within one of his establishments. Once that was over and done with, the remaining thugs decided that it would be a good idea to just outright attack Madara thinking him to be just some civilian, even with all the skills that he shows daily in his restaurant. The onlookers were unable to see exactly what Madara had done, but they did see him remove his shades. Once he was glasses less, the screaming the bodies started to simply hit the floor, three whole minutes after it had began all the intimidators were on the ground unconscious, whatever the cause may have been the onlookers did not know, all they knew was that the action was all over as soon as Madara replaced his shades back to where they were.

Madara then entered his restaurant and left with his daughter in tow, along the way home they were met by Itachi, who had Sasuke with him. The Found-nin teleported back to Hidden Found with their prisoners, as well as with the five Demon Lords that were with them that night. All unconscious thugs were thrown into the prison and left alone in the dark with the five Demon Lords, when they woke from their slumber, they would be met by the sight of five demons ready to break them, and once they broke they would sing all that they were worth, and eventually the five would have a list of names of people that Madara could send his agents after.

By the time that Naruto would return from his mission, Konoha's underground would be under Madara's thumb. The village may not be free of the underground, but the underground had a new god to worship, and his name was Uchiha Madara.


	20. Chapter 20

Disclaimer: If its Naruto, I don't own it. If someone else owns it, I definitely don't own it.

Warning: OCs OOCs Sues, and some crack. You have been warned.

Note: AU.

Note #2: Read Lost if you want something more serious.

*****

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**Screw It**

**Chapter Twenty**

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Naruto had been sent on yet another mission, this time he was joined shortly after leaving Konoha by Deidara. The mission was supposed to be just a normal C-rank, but due to the appearance of Deidara, Naruto knew that there was more to the mission than met the eye, for why else would Madara send him someone from Akatsuki if the mission was not at least A-rank. The original mission objective was to clean out a den of thieves in a cave located in Swamp Country. The problem was that Naruto and Deidara were not all that sure where the cave was to be exact. The directions that Naruto had received were a little bit vague, and possibly old news. The new base camp of the thieves was probably in some remote area where most people feared to tread.

Naruto decided that they would have to stop at a town or village somewhere in the country to gather information about any place that normally people would not dare visit. When they got to one such town, they were able to find out that in all of Swamp Country there were only two places that people generally avoided. One was a cave which could be found at the base of a mountain, within the cave was said to be a great evil that had been sealed in there by a miko. The other place was a large swamp, one of the few large ones that the country was named after. It was said that the swamp was home to a swamp monster, and that should its slumber ever be disturbed it would go on a rampage until it had calmed down, what its purpose in the world was, no one knew, but there had been accounts of sightings.

Naruto chose to go to the cave, while Deidara chose to go to the swamp, Deidara with his bombs would be the worst person to send in a highly explosive environment, while Naruto would not be able to do much against some kind of swamp monster should he ever encounter one, at least Deidara had his bombs, after all very few things could survive after being blown sky high with several hundred tons worth of explosives.

Naruto swiftly travelled to where he knew the cave to be located. Once there he created twenty clones to survey the area, he then sent five of them into the cave to check if the thieves were in it, and if they were one of them would alert him to that fact. The five clones that had entered had indeed found the thieves and bandits, they were camped out in the middle of the cavern, on sometihng that resembled a seal that had been etched into the ground. One of the clones went up in smoke in order for its memories to be relayed to Naruto. The fifteen clones that were surveying the outside of the cave found a number of buried statues, all of which were statues of soldiers. The clones were hanging from a high enough place on the cavern wall to see what the etched seal looked like. At first Naruto did not know what the seal was for, but it was a good thing that he had dropped by Madara's place before heading out for the mission. Like the previous mission Madara had given Naruto a few things that would possibly be of use during the mission. Naruto still had the supply summon scrolls which he had also brought for the mission. To add to those, Madara had given Naruto a book on seals, its author was Toukou Kyonshi, the claimed to have every and any seal imaginable in it, along with explanations and description on what they did, how they were made, how to disable them, and how to destroy them. Due to all of Naruto's Tajuu Kage Bushin learning and training session, he had developed the ability of having an excellent memory, his mind was like a sharingan, whatever he saw was planted into his mind, for future use if he so wished, he had photographic memory.

Riffling through the pages of the book, Naruto had found the exact design of the seal that had been etched in stone at the very center of the molten pit. The book said that the seal was used to contain the body of a rather evil demon, it was not on par in power with the Bijuu but it was up there with them and reibi. The book went on to say that with enough evil the body may gain another soul if it were able to feed on the negative energy coming from the evil in people's hearts, and it just so happened that the thieves and bandits were excellent sources of the potent energy. Especially one of the criminals camped out in the cavern and had been rifling through the group's loot according to the memories from the clone. The guy was actually a nuke-nin of Taki, and was considered as an A-class nuke-nin, his crimes, were murder of a fellow shinobi, and rape of a fellow kunoichi, as well as a number of other offenses. The demonic body that was sealed was the body of Mouryou, and the Miko that had separated the spirit from the body was the Head Miko of Demon Country.

The mission objective was to eradicate the thieves and bandits in the area, and that was precisely what Naruto intended to do, his only problem was that the still as statues statues started to move, which technically was a bad thing. According to the book, those statues were directly linked to both the spirit and the body of the demon, and since they were coming to life it was safe to assume that the body was awake and the idiots inside the cavern had somehow given it a spirit, an evil one, one that was bad enough to allow the body to awaken. Naruto's four remaining clones had confirmed his suspicions, but it wasn't one spirit, it was many.

Naruto had received another book from Madara, this other one was entitled Fascinating Beasts and Where to Find Them, it was written by one Musha Toru, within its pages were details about every beast or creature both imaginable and unimaginable, and it just so happened that Naruto needed to know what he was up against. Lo and behold under chapter L was the beast or rather demon that his clones had witnessed being born inside the cavern.

"Great! Why couldn't it have been something normal?! Why me?!" Naruto cried out.

For in chapter L the demon was known as Legion, and why was it called Legion, well that's simple, for they were many. For the time being Naruto had to push aside thoughts which circled around his decision making skills, since it seemed as if he had stumbled upon something that he, at his current state, was not fully able to handle. But being who he was he refused to back down, so he created a thousand clones and had them run into the cavern and deal with the rising Legion, which for some reason had chosen to take on the form of a thousand headed hydra, complete with cut of one head and another bunch grew out of it. Then Naruto created another thousand clones, these ones to deal with the stone soldiers that were making their way towards him.

While his clones were busy delaying the inevitable, Naruto created two more clones to help him with his search for how to defeat both the new Mouryou and the stone soldiers. Sure he couldn't exactly kill the thing, to do that would require Mouryou to be whole, as in the original spirit inside the body, and not Legion, so Naruto had to go with the next best thing, how best to send Legion to hell, while causing Mouryou to fear Naruto above all things, easier said than done.

Naruto found out that the only way to send Legion to hell was to, well, beat the living out of it, meaning he would have to hit the thing around one million times, while using just the spiritual energies that make up chakra, and Naruto had no way of doing that since he had yet to train in doing such things. His bet bet was to find something that would draw out his spiritual energies from his chakra, a chakra blade that only channeled half of his chakra. Thank god for the supply summon scroll.

Naruto took out the scroll from his jacket, for indeed he wore a jacket, he did not wear some orange jumpsuit or something or other, he only used those things when he needed to train in stealth. Naruto wore a long sleeve black jacket with some orange lines on the sleeves over a grey shirt, he also wore black shinobi boots, black Anbu pants, and sunglasses just like his sensei, except his were tinted red. What Naruto got out of the scroll was a single item, it was a pitch black glove with some seals on it, written in some kind of red ink, although if Naruto were to really think about it the special ink used was blood. There were also instructions accompanying the glove. The instructions simply stated that the glove would act as a shortcut for jutsu, no more seals needed, it would also serve as training, it would train the users chakra in knowing the flow of chakra when doing a jutsu, meaning eventually the user would no longer need hand seals for a jutsu, just like how Naruto did not need to use a hand seal to create Kage Bushin. Just by thinking of what he wanted, Naruto would be able to do it, including using only his spiritual energies. The downside of using the glove was that it used up two times the chakra needed to perform a technique, twice the cost for the same results, although the results would appear quicker, the chakra drain was the only downside. So with it on Naruto could only create up to two thousand five hundred clones.

As for the stone soldiers, the books said that Naruto would have to get rid of Legion first, then he would have to reseal Mouryou's body. Piece of cake, considering he was going to do that, sure it would take time, but at least there wasn't some long ardorous journey leading to something as simple as that.

Before charging into the cavern, Naruto still believed that he needed some sort of weapon, cause rasengans are fun for a while, but get a bit cliché if used to many times. So Naruto summoned himself a chinese broadsword, that was made out of chakra channelling metal.

Now that he was ready, Naruto charged into the cavern, once inside he created two thousand clones, and as one they attacked. After the fifteen outside had been bested by the stone soldiers, Naruto created an additional five hundred clones to combat the thousand spirit menace. The accumulation and amalgamation of evil energy was in the form of the hydra, but there was one difference between the hydra of myth, and the one that Naruto was facing, the one Naruto was facing did not have an immortal head. It took a thousand hits to fell one head, and there were a thousand heads to fell. The two thousand fivehundred one Naruto's split their chakra and did as ninjas were wont to do, they went speed crazy. Sure they had to dodge incoming attacks made by the heads that resembled dragons in their own right, but at the rate they were going, dying and destroying, by the time that Naruto would be alone, there would no longer be a Legion to speak of, just one writhing mass of evil. Leaving Naruto with next to no chakra, and having to seal the damn thing back in its little container. The good thing was that he had a soldier pill to boost his reserves, and get him back to working condition.

Since the original seal had already been destroyed by the awakening of Legion, and the use of Mouryou's body, Naruto had to carve a new seal, and create a new resting place for the damnable body to lie in wait for it to finally be destroyed. With only enough chakra remaining for one rasengan, Naruto powered it up after memorizing the seal that he would have to carve into the ground. Once his seal carver was prepped and ready to go, he sped through the formation of the seal, with blinding speed, that if anyone was looking would think that Naruto was holding a giant ball of unravelling yarn. Once the seal had been etched, Naruto found a stone cabinet, he deduced that that was the previous container of the body, and since it was still intact he might as well shove the evil mass back whence it came, once the lid was shut tight, he bagan to chant, his voice gaining an ethereal quality to it. In the end of the whole fighting, then sealing process, Naruto was as tired as the dead, yet not yet ready to join them in their eternal slumber. With the mission over and done with, Naruto decided to rest a little, so he fell asleep right on top of the container of the body of evil, pouring his positive energy into the thing, which caused it great pain.

While Naruto was busy dealing with his demon infestation, Deidara was running for his life from the swamp monster that apparently was immune to everything that he could throw at it, the only thing that seemed to be able to actually dent its mucky hide was physical attacks, but he was not a hand to hand specialist, he was a demolitions expert, as well as a long ranged fighter, so the best course of action that he could think of was run away from it as fast as he could, and hope to reach Naruto before the thing reached him, and devoured him like the criminals that he had found and fought until the thing arrived and ate them all.

Dedara had been running for hours, and seemed that the thing had locked onto his scent or something since it just kept following him, through rivers, streams, up mountains, down cliffs, there was something there that didn't add up, there was something about Deidara that the thing wanted enough for it to probably follow him to the ends of the world for.

Deidara finally met up with Naruto as he was about to leave the Sealed Shrine. When Naruto noticed Deidara running towards him with a look of horror on his face, Naruto knew that something was up, and whatevre he hell it was, was in no way a good thing.

"Dei, what did you do?" Naruto asked trying to understand the situation.

"I found some criminals, and while I was fighting with them, the swamp monster appears, tears into them, and comes after me, its almost here too," Deidara said as fast as his tongue would allow him to.

"So..what's it look li....ke..." Naruto ended his question as a phrase, since he spotted the monster approaching them.

Naruto hastily created two clones, one to search through the beast book for the swamp monster, while the other searching through the seal book for a containment seal that could be prepared right away, once the seal had been located, the clones poofed into smoke, and Naruto became drawing the seal using his blood as ink, he drew the seal on a rock, and once it was completed, he threw it at the monster, the seal immediately taking effect, and causing the monster to stop dead in its tracks in mid step.

The other clone dispelled itself giving Naruto the information about the monster, in truth the monster was not one of swamp muck, it was just muck, it was a being born of nature chakra and countless bodies that had died or had been dumped in the swamp that it had been born. It was in a sense a child, normally the humans that it came across never fought back, but since Deidara did, the monster acknowledged him as being superior, Dedaira had even managed to hurt it, pain was something foreign to the monster. So it regarded the first thing that had ever hurt it as its master, which was the reason why it had been chasing Deidara.

"Well Dei, I'll say one thing, congratualation!" Naruto said.

"Why?" Dedara asked confused.

"That thing thinks of you as its master, in a sense its a child, and well..you're the parent, so congratz. It probably has formed a mental link with you of some sort, which will make communicating with it easier. So please tell it not to harm me. Kay?" Naruto said.

"Err..sure..I guess you could release it now.." Deidara said. Which was what Naruto did.

After the thing was allowed to move again Deidara decided that he would leave ahead of Naruto seeing as he had a muck monster to take care of now. Naruto obliged him, and decided that he too would go home, the genins would be graduating soon, and Naruto needed to be there in order for him to possibly have a shot at becoming a Jounin sensei. So he packed up his things and Shunshin'd home, once he arrived at the gate he collapsed in a heap, to tired to move due to using so much chakra, but at least he was home, and once again Izumo and Kotetsu were guarding the gate. They shoved a soldier pill down his throat in order for him to be able to get to the Hokage Tower to submit his mission report, as well as his oral report.

Upon entering the Hokage's office he placed the report on his desk, and began his tale of adventure, once again his mission was bumped up in rank, another S-rank for Naruto.


	21. Chapter 21

Disclaimer: If its Naruto, I don't own it. If someone else owns it, I definitely don't own it.

Warning: OCs OOCs Sues, and some crack. You have been warned.

Note: AU.

Note #2: Read Lost if you want something more serious.

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**Screw It**

**Chapter Twenty-One**

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Itachi had decided that he would start up the Police Corps, as there weren't enough Uchiha in Konoha to fill up the ranks, Itachi had decided that he would either have to hire some of his father-in-law's men, or he would have to seek out those with shinobi training but were not official members of the military. But before he could do that he would have to send in his resignation letter, as well as the request letter for him to restart the Police Corps. When he was done with that the Hokage immediately welcomed the idea, as keeping the peace was a bit more taxing on the Anbu than he had liked, even those guys needed rest in between mission, they were still human.

So Itachi had visited all the Shinobi clan heads to pitch his idea to them, it would be better if their idle clansmen were to be of use to their village. The clan heads agreed, and informed their clansmen of the job openings. The pay for becoming a police officer was the equivalent of a C-rank mission, one mission's pay per week, it was lower than what the ninja could earn, but it was enough for a family to live off on, and have a little extra for treats.

The clans responded positively, and soon there was a new batch of police officers that would be roaming the village, there were three hundred individuals all in all, and the Chief of Police was none other than Itachi himself. But before the new corps could be allowed out in the field, the new officers would have to undergo some form of training, and that was where Madara came in.

The man would be the one to train the corps, and when he believed that they were fit for duty, he would inform Itachi. He would train them with live, yet fake, scenarios ranging from simple complaints to investigations to arrests. But the only way for the scenarios to take place was if Madara could get his agents to play in Konoha.

Madara had sent for some of his more bored ninja ranging from simply genin to jounin, the Found-nin were the perfect people to be used as false perpetrators of injustice. He let his men do as they pleased within the boundaries of only, if nescessary, hurting those that they were affiliated with. But for the more grevious of crimes, Madara simply placed the recruits under a genjutsu, and had the recruits walk him through what they would do. Training the new recruits didn't take all that long, but there was one thing that Madara did at the end of training, he placed a small seal on the web of skin between the thumb and the rest of their right hands, the seal would ensure that they would not grow corrupt, power hungry, or abuse their power, they would be servants of the people only looking out for the best interest of the people. The seal was an oath, and only those that willingly took on the seal were permitted to wear the badge, and become an actual police officer.

Just as much as Konoha needed a Police Department, Itachi came up with the idea of actually having a Fire Department as well, so he petitioned for its approval, and it was approved. Recruitment for firefighters was a lot easier as compared to the work of police officers, the training was easier, and not as rigorous, but all those who opted to join were also given a similar seal, except on the left hand. The training was also taken care of by Madara who had done the training sessions in private training areas that he had bought. The training ranged from Search and Rescue to actually putting out raging fires, should Konoha ever fall prey to a raging firestorm there would be a ready band of men and women prepared to fight the storm.

Since the Uchiha district was mostly uninhabited, Itachi decided to make the somewhat restored district headquarters of the two departments, with him as the Department Head.

Once both departments were finally and officially established, Anbu was allowed a little more breathing room. Itachi then had to assign shifts for all the officers under his command. There was also a chain-of-command that had yet to be established, Madara had also helped with that. He had, while training the recruits, evaluated each and everyone with the help of his clones, as well as the people he had running around the place to help with the police training. He then submitted a list of possible people for the ranking positions. Itachi decided to give them a test run, and if things didn't work out he would allow people who wanted the positions to apply, take a test, and be reevaluated.

The two departments were assigned and given uniforms in order for them to be easily differentiated from the ninja forces. The police forces' uniforms consisted of a black shirt, white pants, a dark blue cloak, and a blue hat. The firefighters' uniforms consisted of a dark yellow long sleeved trench coat, red pants, and a black shirt, the accompanying white hard hat was optional. Ranking officers wore an armband around their left arms with the symbol of kanji of their rank.

The true test of the abilities of the two departments arrived when one night, Itachi had received a report that three of the abandoned warehouses in the village's industrial district had caught on fire. So he sent firefighters to the scene. The firefighting team was divided into three groups, the search and rescue group, who would go into the burning building and search for people trapped inside due to the flames, this group consisted not only of trackers, but also of at least two chakra detectors. The second group was the hose team, which consisted of individuals with no ninjutsu training, therefore they were in charge of putting out the flames with hoses. The third and last group was the ninjutsu group, they were in charge of putting out the flames using suiton jutsu. At the same time that the firemen arrived so did the police, there were the ones in charge of crowd control, and then there was the investigation team.

For a fire incident, the investigation team was made up of three groups, the first one was the During group, these ones were the ones incharge of the investigation during the incident, then there was the After group, which was incharge of investigation immediately after the fire had been killed, the last group was the Whole group, which was incharge of putting all the pieces in place, and investigating further, more or less the whole team just split into groups in order for their work to be more organized.

After the fire was put out, and the initial and final investigations were conducted, the cause of the fire was found, it was an accident, or more like a prank gone wrong. Inuzuka Kiba was charged with reckless endangerment, as well as causing the fire. He had left some rather flamable substance in the warehouses which he had made into a hideout, and after some playing had caused the substances to burst into flame, thinking that since the warehouses were abandoned no one would miss him, he simply left the area, not thinking of the possibility that the fire could possibly spread. Being a minor in the eyes of the law, his famly was simply fined a hefty fee. If the fire he had caused occurred a week later he would have experienced what it was like behind bars for a certain period of time. The investigation was concluded, and the fine was set exactly one day before the genin graduation exam, and one week before team placement.


	22. Chapter 22

Disclaimer: If its Naruto, I don't own it. If someone else owns it, I definitely don't own it.

Warning: OCs OOCs Sues, and some crack. You have been warned.

Note: AU.

Note #2: Read Lost if you want something more serious.

*****

*****

**Screw It**

**Chapter Twenty-Two**

*****

*****

Uchiha Sasuke hadn't finished his ninja education, instead he had opted to follow in the footsteps of his older brother. So he trained with the new recruits, for there were at least two that wanted to get into the corps almost everyday. Even though he was a shoo in for Rookie of the Year, he had changed his mind, and decided to change professions. Due to his leaving the path of the ninja behind, and embracing the world of law and order, the graduating class which Umino Iruka handled was short two graduates to complete the ten teams that were supposed to graduate. The academy teachers and the Hokage had to make a decision which would affect one genin hopefulls dreams of becoming a protected of the great tree known as Konoha. The student that was chosen to be dropped was none other than Haruno Sakura, even though she had the highest scores on paper, in all other aspects she was just average, and having come from a civilian family, didn't really improve her chances of being a viable candidate for one of the new generations kunoichi, there was also the assessment that she, like many other females, had an unhealthy addiction to the youngest Uchiha in Konoha. After receiving the news that Sasuke would not be puruing his ninja career, the teachers and the aged Hokage knew that Haruno Sakura may have the potential, but without the young Uchiha she did not and would not have the drive to serve. The decision was made and was final.

During the meeting with the Hokage, where most of the teamless jounin were in attendance, the Hokage announced the team assignments. Originally should Sasuke have chosen to walk the path of the ninja Hatake Kakashi would have been a sensei of a promising team, but due to the circunstances that presented themselves, the jounin was assigned a mediocre team that most likely would not be able to pass his test. Yuuhi Kurenai was the original choice for one of the teams, but the Hokage decided that the genin would need a more experienced jounin to teach them, and not a rookie. The team that was originally supposed to go to Kurenai was made up of heirs, therefore they needed an exceptional sensei to bring out their potential, that was the reason why Hiruzen had decided to allow Uzumaki Naruto to be the jounin sensei of team eight. The Hokage could already imagine the kind of ninja those taught by Naruto would become, between his training of them, their clan's training, and the things that seem to happen to Naruto on missions, those three genin would have a lot to learn. Even though there were not enough genin to create ten teams, there would still be a team ten, some of the team numbers were still in circulation, making Sarutobi Asume the proud sensei of the new Ino-Shika-Cho team.

There were more than just Iruka's graduating class, but most of them were unimportant, the important thing is that Naruto was assigned a team, a team that he could mold, shape, form, manipulate, and the like. He could even pass them outright, but where would the fun in that be. Plus, Madara had told him that teaching was such a rewarding experience, and Naruto did not want to antagonize or disappoint his own teacher.

Naruto, along with the other jounin senseis, would be meeting their students the next day, so in preparation for that Naruto went to the ramen restaurant to get some new gear from Madara, as had become routine. Madara always had something for his students, both of them, it wasn't only Naruto that got some things for missions, but also Itachi, and they were always useful. It was as if Madara had more than just an inkling of what was going to happen to his students, which he kind of did.

Madara had decided to implement a new way for his students to get their gear. Instead of them meeting him at his home, they would visit the restaurant and order Bijuu Ramen, which was basically ramen with an assortment of other bits of food in it, all of which were parts of the favorite foods or toppings of the bijuu. Along with the order, Madara's students would have to make an addition to that order, which was to add the toy, the toy being the code word for the gear. The other patrons believed it to be some special thing for the friends of the owner, since when they tried it they were told that there were no promotions of the like, and it was just a thing for Itachi and Naruto, Itachi the son-in-law, and Naruto the number one favorite customer.

This time around Madara gave Naruto four things, a bloodline nullification solution and antidote, a book about bloodlines, a bottle of a special kind of bug spray complete with instructions, and a unique flashlight.

Madara had a thing against relying too much on a bloodline, it was just another tool, one of many at any ninja's disposal, his training was part of the reason why Itachi was in the Bingo Book as an S-class nin, and it wasn't due to the sharingan, he was already S-class without the doujutsu, but once he turned the things on he rose to SS-class. Naruto on the other hand was just borderline A-S-class, depending on his mood, but most of his missions, be they solo, or with Itachi always got bumped up to either A or S, so record wise he was S-class, skill and experience wise he was A-class. That was where the nullification solution came in handy, Naruto would be testing his team on teamwork, as well as testing their true skills, not just their ability to use their bloodlines, those after all could be tested by their clans. The bloodlines book would aid Naruto in intimately understanding the workings of the bloodlines of his students, while not focusing on their use, but honing them as well as possible alongside the other tools and skills at their disposal. The bug spray, it wasn't meant to be used to kill bugs, rather it was an enhancement spray, as well as a lot more uses than just that, it all depended on how chakra was added to the spray. The flashlight didn't exactly light up like a normal flashlight, it emitted a mostly invisible light, but it was bright enough to blind a Hyuuga with an activated Byakugan, that and there was a mechanism in the thing that had it emit a certain noise at a really high pitch, that it would render the Inuzuka's enhanced sesnses as useless. In short Naruto would make it so that his genin would be just like a regular person, they would be without their special abilities, he planned on going as far as using seal to shut of their ability to use chakra offensively and defensively.

So after examining his gear, finishing up his plan for the test, and finishing his ramen, he paid for the meal, and left the restaurant, he then went home to prepare for the next day.


	23. Chapter 23

Disclaimer: If its Naruto, I don't own it. If someone else owns it, I definitely don't own it.

Warning: OCs OOCs Sues, and some crack. You have been warned.

Note: AU.

Note #2: Read Lost if you want something more serious.

*****

*****

**Screw It**

**Chapter Twenty-Three**

*****

*****

"Team eight, Aburame Shino, Hyuuga Hinata, and Inuzuka Kiba, your jounin sensei is Uzumaki Naruto.." Iruka announced, then continued listing the remaining two teams.

There were mixed reactions to the announcement that one Uzumaki Naruto would be leading a genin team. He was known as one of the youngest to ever become a jounin, as well as one of the few that had skipped genin rank all together, there was also the fact that he was listed in the Bingo Book with two different rank, A and S, then there was the fact that he could go toe to toe with some of the more powerful and skilled shinobi out in the world. He didn't have a single D-rank mission to his name, for some reason all his Ds were bumped up in rank due to some strange circumstances. There was also the fact that he was the same age as the graduating class, although all those that had seen him swore that he looked like he was fifteen rather than twelve. There were many in the class that both envied, and pitied the genins that were assigned to him, since they had all heard of rumors that more than half of the C-ranks that he had been on were bumped up to S-rank, where bandits became demons, and demons became Bijuu. Those with clans were told that Naruto was the best person to be on a mission with, since he almost always had whatever was needed for almost any situation.

Very few people had bothered to warn the next generation about Naruto, after the Uchiha Massacre, those that would have wanted his head on a pike, feared to antagonize him due to his fighting prowess, and on the off chance that he survived any assassination attempt, they did not want to find out what he could do to them or their families.

Just as the last team's sensei was announced, an explosion of wind and fire burst spontaneously combusted in front of Iruke, when the elements died down, the genin hopefulls realized that it was actually some kind of shunshin. In the place of the elements stood Naruto.

"Yo, Ruka! Am I early?" Naruto turned around to face the chuunin.

"No, actually you're right on time," Iruka answered.

"Team eight! Meet me at my place in say..twenty minutes!" Naruto said, then shunshin'd to his apartment, the regular way that is.

After Naruto left, team eight left the academy heading for Naruto's appartment, but five minutes into their aimless walk they realized that they didn't know where he lived. Shino was unable to put a bug on his sensei and therefore did not know where he was. So they decided to ask around, not all the people they asked were helpful, their direction, but more or less the directions they were given led them to the general area of where Naruto lived. Roaming around the general area where Naruto's apartment complex was they ran into Sasuke, who led them to the complex, apparently Sasuke had moved out of Madara's home recently, his mother had in the last year married Kakuzu for some reason, and Sasuke wanted to live his life, not that he didn't miss his mother, he could visit her anytime he wanted to, but he just wanted to live independently. Sasuke lived in the same complex as Naruto and was able to lead the three genin to Naruto's appartment. He left them at the jounin's door in order for him to get back to his on the job training.

They somehow had managed to arrive at exactly the last second, upon entering Naruto's abode they were met with the sight of a place that was far cleaner and organized that the home of the Hyuuga. But in truth, the clutter that they expected to find was kept in a separate room, a room found in Naruto's house. Madara had informed Naruto that of his true identity, he had even pulled out the kitsune that was sealed in him, and turned the minor demon lord into a boss summon for kitsune. Naruto then confronted the Hokage with the information, and the Hokage allowed Naruto to take on the name as well as receive his inheritance. Naruto had his students sit around his kitchen table with cinamon rolls and buns for snacks.

"So..tell me about yourselves..your names, likes, dislikes, dreams for the future, and hmm...what kinds of missions you expect to do under me," Naruto said.

"Why don't you go first, sensei?" Hinata asked.

"Yeah sensei," Kiba added his two ryo in.

"Fine. I'm Namikaze Uzumaki Naruto, twelve even if I do look fifteen and act older sometimes or most times, I like ramen, training, my precious people, and a bunch of other stuff, as for dislikes..hmm..never really gave much thought to that..dreams..hmm..dunno really, at one point I wanted to become Hokage, but that changed..maybe go one an epic adventure..." Naruto introduced himself, then he pointed to Shino, "Bug-boy."

"I am Aburame Shino, I like bugs and all manner of insects, I dislike those that indiscriminately kill bugs, I want to become a good clan leader and be as strong as my father."

"Alright...girl who almost got kidnapped you next," Naruto said as he pointed at Hinata.

"H-how d-did you know about that?" Hinata asked surprised.

"I beat up the guy who tried to runaway with you, my sensei was the one who actually dealt with the guy in the end," Naruto explained.

"Impossible! You were like three!" Kiba exclaimed.

"Tch, nothing is impossible, now Hyuuga heir, your turn," Naruto said.

"I am Hyuuga Hinata, I like flower pressing, my family, and cinnamon buns, I dislike what the clan once was, also arrogant people, and those that judge easily, I dream of becoming a good clan head."

"I guess its my turn! I'm Inuzuka Kiba! I like my family, Akamaru, and training! I dislike arrogant assholes and cats! I want to bee a good clan head too!"

"Hmm...admirable dreams...well finish your snacks and meet me at training ground..eight tomorrow morning at eight, be prepared for the true genin test, sure you took the academy's test but that was only to get the potentials to show their worth, so tomorrow at training ground eight, come prepared for anything," Naruto explained.

The next at the training ground Naruto prepared all the things that he needed for the test, he'd be doing the bell test, a test that Madara had told him about. So he waited in the field for his genin to arrive. It was almost eight, and if they were late, there would be consequences.

They arrived one by one at the training ground, they were late by a good half hour, which was a good thing for Naruto, and a bad thing for them. Naruto had them stand in front of him while he fitted them with seals, which made sure that they were unable to use their chakra, then he added a few weight seals, to make them a lot slower. Bringing out the bloodline nullification solution, Naruto put it in a spray bottle, and sprayed his three students, the effects were immediate, but due to a subtle genjutsu that Naruto placed on them as soon as he saw them, they didn't know that their bloodlines had been blocked. With the bug spray he sprayed all three of them, making sure that any and all bugs that would touch them, or were living in them, were turned into drunks, the kikai would be unable to help the Aburame, nor would they be able to find a way to communicate with him. He then turned on his flashlight, he placed the settings on deafen, which caused Akamaru to become unconscious. Once he was done he completely erased his presence from the place, leaving only a scroll containing his instructions for the test.

He already knew that they would pass the teamwork part of the test, he knew that the Aburame logic would kick in after reading the instructions, Naruto just wanted to see how well they could work together, and how well they could work without almost everything that made ninja so special.

When the genjutsu was released the three genin read the scroll at their feet, it basically stated that they had until sundown to track down their sensei, and take a bell from him. They were allowed to use anything that they had at their disposal, but they were restricted to staying in the training ground as that where the test as taking place. Naruto, in the scroll, had advised his students not to help each other.

Shino was the first of his fellows to speak, he told his two companions that they should not follow their sensei's advise and work as a team, since not only was their sensei a jounin, but it appeared that he could not speak to his bugs, and that Akamaru was not with them. That was when Kiba noticed that his supposedly enhanced senses were not at the level that they should be, and tried to increase the sensetivity of his senses by using chakra, but found that he couldn't access even a sliver of it. Hinata tried activating her doujutsu and found that her bloodlines would not activate. With all that data Shino concluded that they were expected to act as a team and get the bells as a team, and use everything they had at their disposal. They had to do as most clanless shinobi did. They had been dependent on their bloodlines for far too long, but that did not mean that they had forgotten their lessons at the academy, their genin exam was the best place to put those lessons to practice.

The three genin had brought everything that they could think of that would be useful, kunai, shuriken, first aid kits, soldier pills, blood pills, ninja wire, smoke bombs even. These were the things that they could use, it was too bad that none of them thougth to bring food.

Naruto had erased his presence from where his students were, but that did not mean that he left them alone, in truth he was there with them, underground that is. Under and illusion was a pit trap, that was covered by branches and leaves, the pit was by the treeline. He also had clones that were invisible to the eye under illusions, observing the genin, and relaying what they saw through dispelling, after a clones dispelled Naruto would created one to replace it.

The three genin had no luck in finding their sensei, although their attention to detail was good enough, and at least they were working together. They noticed that absolutely nothing was found or heard in the training ground, there weren't even any earthworms in the ground, as if their sensei had had all the previous inhabitants take a vacation in order for no other living thing to be allowed to help them in their quest of finding their sensei and get the bells from him. There was also the fact that the air was still and unmoving, there wasn't even a hint of a weak breeze when Shino had Kiba run past him. Then there were the indentations in the grass around them, whenever one of them threw a kunai at the space above the indentation the kunai passed through, and the indentation vanished. There were a bunch of other oddities that they took note of.

At around lunch hunger began to set in, they had not brought any food, and their sensei didn't appear to care much if they starved, which was not likely. It was at this time that Naruto kind of made his presence known. A bell appeared out of nowhere, around its location were indentaions in the ground. The indentations in the ground were unlike what the tro had seen so far. For one thing, the indentaions that they had seen looked to belong to a human standing upright, but these ones were mixed, there were far too many of them. Shino had Kiba throw a few kunai towards the indentations. Once the kunai were about to hit, all hell broke loose.

The indentations moved, all in patterns of people and animals moving, it was during this time that Hinata felt a change in the air, something had moved by her, yet she had not seen anything. It was as if an invisible bird had flown by her, in truth that was exactly what had happened. All the invisible people and creatures were Naruto's clones, Naruto was unable to perform a regular, his henge was not a henge, it was a true transformation, he could literally transform into anything and anyone, which was what he had his clones do.

Hinata informed Shino of her findings, Shino then quickly told his two teammates to prepare for battle, obviously a purely taijutsu one at that, the academy's style would be their best bet as they were all quite proficient in it.

They came, Kiba was more intuned and was more used to relying on his instincts, Shino not as, much and Hinata never really needed to rely on such things. Kiba blocked an incoming attack, while Naruto attacked whatever it was that was attacking. While in another state of being, the clones actually gained flesh, blood, muscles, and bone, they were whole, and could not be dispelled like regular Kage Bushin, they were truly solid, but only when they were transformed into something or someone else. Shino's attack was caught by another invisible attacker.

"Hinata, go for the bell!" Shino and Kiba shouted while they held the invisible attackers at bay.

The girl acted for the first time following her instincts, she ducked when needed, dodged to the left or right when it felt like the best option, she blocked incoming attacks that had gotten through Kiba and Shino's defense, she even attacked the things on occasion, eventually reaching the bell, but before she could scoop it up, she checked the area for any hidden traps, finding none she grasped the bell and promptly disappeared, as did the invisible attackers.

Shino and Kiba noticed the change in the battlefield, Hinata and their attackers were missing, so were the bells. Then they noticed a new bell hanging from a notch on the trunk of a nearby tree. It was close to sundown, and there was a free bell. Both Shino and Kiba searched for traps, going as far as touching the bell with a stick to see if anything would happen. Upon closer inspection they saw a reflection on the surface of the silver bell, at first what they thought was a reflection was actually a whole other image in itself. The image showed the location of another scroll. It was covered in an area effect genjutsu as Kiba would later find, once the scroll was removed from the space it was it appeared clear as day, and allowed them to read it.

The scroll said that one of the genin would have to leave the training ground to fetch Hyuuga Hizashi, and inform him that his daughter had gone missing, he would also have to be brought to the training ground alone, since the bells had been more or less taken, the test would be extended. The other genin would have to remain in the training ground and wait for the return of his teammate. It was basically a double hostage situation, one which the rescuers did not know the full capabilities and mindset of the enemy. Shino volunteered to be the one to go, but before he could leave Kiba sped off, leaving Shino standing where he was with the scroll in hand. Kiba knew that even though Shino would be the best of the two of them to send, Kiba would grow bored waiting and possibly do something rash. But if Shino were the one waiting he could possibly come up with some plans on how to go about the situation, as well as create some contingency plans.

Kiba returned to the training ground over two hours later, he had a henge'd and unconscious Hiashi being dragged behind him, which without his chakra to aid him, must have been really hard work. Kiba explained to Shino that after he told Hiashi about what had happened to his daughter the man saw no reason and almost called for the rest of his clan, but Kiba decided then and there to act, before the man could move his mouth or anything else for that matter, blinded with rage the man was knocked unconscious by Kiba hitting him on the head with a broomstick that was near by, which surprisingly did the trick. Getting him out of the compound was easier said than done, but somehow Kiba had managed it.

The two genin brought the unconscious man to where the second bell was, and leaned him against the tree. After the body had been laid there, a shimmering a few feet away could be seen, once the figure solidified into view, they were met with a what looked like a Kumo-nin. They were offered Hinata in exchange for the elder Hyuuga. Instead of giving a verbal answer the two genin attacked the man in tandem. Kicks, punches, and headbutts were blocked by the Kumo-nin who held onto their teammate with one arm while did all the blocking with the other. Shino noticed that the Kumo-nin moved rather slow, then realized that there was only one way to end the test, and get out of the predicament.

"We surrender," Shino intoned.

The whole training area shimmered as the multiple genjutsu placed around the place were released. Hinata woke up from her genjutsu caused slumber, and Hiashi was drenched from head to toe by water from a suiton jutsu to wake him up. What the people saw were many animals, and people, all had a hitai-ate wrapped around either their heads of necks. Naruto walked out of the crowd that surrounded his students, and friend, as indeed Hiashi was his friend.

"Sorry about that Hiashi, it was all part of the test," Naruto said.

"I understand, but next time a little warning would really be good," Hiashi said.

"Sure thing, but first, on to more important matters," Naruto said then addressed his students, "You pass, the three of you pass, I've seen what you can do, so you pass, meet me here tomorrow morning at eight sharp, is that understood?"

"Hai, Naruto-sensei!"

"Good, now don't move as I will be returning the use of your bloodlines to you," Naruto informed them, them faced Kiba and handed him back his puppy, "Take better care of your friend, next time I might not return him."

After spraying the antidote to the bloodline nullification solution, Naruto sprayed the three of them with the bug spray returning everything back to normal, then he switched off his flashlight. He then escorted his students home, then went home himself.


	24. Chapter 24

Disclaimer: If its Naruto, I don't own it. If someone else owns it, I definitely don't own it.

Warning: OCs OOCs Sues, and some crack. You have been warned.

Note: AU.

Note #2: Read Lost if you want something more serious.

*****

*****

**Screw It**

**Chapter Twenty-Four**

*****

*****

Training had been going well for team eight, instead of going on D-rank missions, the team had been undergoing rigorous training in the form of torture. Team eight had been forced to train in the other aspects of their being, they were trained in using the other tools at their disposal. All three genin had the control expected of most genin, but Naruto did not want his students to have only just genin level control. The Hyuuga may have enough control to be considered as having nearly perfect control, but as expected from a Hyuuga, a genin Hyuuga had enough control to be considered a chuunin, that would be if the requirement for chuunin were only chakra control. The Aburame had perfect control, his being an Aburame gives him a large well of chakra, but due to his bugs he is unable to use them to their fullest extent as his bugs eat up a lot of it, making his usable chakra small enough for him to have perfect control on what little chakra is actually at his disposal. The Inuzuka of the team is the member with the lowest chakra control, but just enough control for someone his age, and of his clan. His strengths did not lie in control afterall, his strengths lay in his strength, speed, and his senses. Even with their control Naruto was not satisfied, he wanted them all to have the control of jounin in their specific clans. For the Hyuuga that would be at the level of a medic-nin, the Aburame would have to be able to take down a small village with his bugs, and the Inuzuka would have to be on par with the best hunter-nin of the village. High expectations, but not impossible expectations. If Naruto could have greater control than those, then his students could achieve his desireable results.

Naruto had his three cute students go through the tree walking exercise until he believed all three to be proficient in it. Then he had them move on to water walking, which they were able to master, they had to master the thing as quick as possible due to the fact that not only did Naruto expect them to be able to walk on water, but he also expected them to be able to run, jump, dodge, and more or less run all over the surface of the water all the while avoiding the projectiles that Naruto had his clones throw their way. They mastered the exercise in a week's time, in the process gaining a fear of being hit by any kind of pointy or sharp objects. During the water walking training they were also trained in being aware of their surroundings, or training their spatial awareness. Not only were there clones around the lake that they had to walk on, but there were also clones in the water, all clones having a large supply of pointy objects at their disposal.

Once that part of their training had been completed, Naruto had his team move on to river walking, or moving water walking. This mode of training differed to water walking in the sense that the water was not still, but flowing, moving in one direction. Naruto had his students constantly change the amount of chakra they used to stay on the surface, as well as run on the surface of constantly moving water. Naruto did not make it easy for them, he had his students dodge projectiles still, but this time with other objects, not all of which were sharp or pointy, there were some that were blunt, and some that were rather large. The three genin not only had to run on a river, but they also had to be able to stay on the surface using any and all part of the body at any given time. They had to dodge rolling logs, piranha, earth spikes, kunai, shuriken, elemental dragons, ice needles, and a bunch of other stuff, including a few kitchen sinks of varying colors, and makes. There were also a few alligators and crocodiles, that none of the genin knew where they came from, chasing the genin up the river, making sure that they did not fall back, or slack in any way. Along with the reptiles on nipping at their heels, there were still clones in the water with the three genin, these clones would not only throw things but also engage the genin.

After mastering the river running exercise, the genin were subjected to stealth training, being a tracking team, and probably even a hunter team, the genin would have to be trained in stealth, or the art of hiding, Madara had trained him and Itachi with bright suits, so Naruto planned on having his three students pull pranks on the village, all the while practicing their stealth, as well as their speed. They were tasked in wearing their bright suits when performing their pranks. The pranking also trained them in genjutsu use and trap making. Naruto forced his students to become good enough to fool high chuunin at least, in the span of one week. The three students were forced to figure out how to hide from jounin after the third day, since Naruto figured that the best way to learn was during life and death situations, therefore he set up a few pranks with evidence that pointed to his three students, they would absolutely be blamed for the pranks, it would be impossible for anyone to pin the pranks on himself.

At the end of the week the three students could effectively hide from jounin, most of them anyway. They had to, for the week after the pranking week the jounins were still out for their blood. The pranks even forced the three students to camp out of the village away from their sensei, since even the jounin of their clans wanted their heads.

After the pranking and hiding weeks, Naruto dragged all three of his students back into the village for some more training. This part of their training consisted of using long range weaponry, most of which were provided by Madara. Bows, arrow, crossbows, crossbow bolts, slingshots, marbles, catapults, trebuchets, ballistas, and the like were provided by Madara for their use and for training, never know when one of those things would be needed. It was not just precision, accuracy, and control, that Naruto wanted his students to be proficient in, but also in plain speed and dexterity. The number of armaments would greatly aid his students in gaining more speed, and dexterity. It took them three weeks to master all the weapons that were given to them to train with, the final test for their proficiency being if they could last for an entire day using only the weapons at their disposal and nothing else, maybe a Kage Bushin or two, but that was all. They had to last an entire day against a clone army consisting of Naruto and Madara clones. Which was fun to say the least, they were camped out on the slope of a mountain somewhere in Fire Country, and the clones came from many different directions, all of which employed different strategies, which forced the three genin to think on their feet, and plan their defense while on the move, on the fly, and at random intervals.

Once Naruto was satisfied with his students, he decided that it would be the perfect time for them to finally go out on a mission, but first he'd have to consult Madara on which mission or what mission would have the greatest possibility of having his students be tested o their fullest capacity and beyond, something worth being recommended to the Chuunin Exams over. Sure Naruto's luck while on mission tended to make his missions harder, but he wanted one that would be recommended to him by someone who knew when things would surely get more than just interesting.


	25. Chapter 25

Disclaimer: If its Naruto, I don't own it. If someone else owns it, I definitely don't own it.

Warning: OCs OOCs Sues, and some crack. You have been warned.

Note: AU.

Note #2: Read Lost if you want something more serious.

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**Screw It**

**Chapter Twenty-Five**

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"So..Sensei, whatcha think?" Naruto asked Madara

"Take a C to Wave, your rival be there, take 'im out, then stay a while, it'll all work out, just come by for your gear before you leave," Madara answered.

"Hai," Naruto said.

The sun had barely risen over the horizon when Naruto collected his band of not so merry genin, and led them to the Hokage Tower. He did not inform them that he would be getting a mission for them, all he told them was to be ready for more training, as life is a classroom all its own, the mission that they would be taking was just another subject, another course, another session in which the students would learn something of value that would greatly aid them in their futures, in the days after, for the rest of their lives.

Entering the mission room, Naruto stood at attention before the Hokage, his genin doing the same.

"Team Eight requesting C-rank mission concerning Wave, sir," Naruto stated his request.

"Granted," the Hokage said and handed over the scroll to Naruto.

"H-Hokage-sama! They haven't even done the required D's sir!" Iruka said.

"It wouldn't really matter, Naruto's track record speaks for itself, give him a D it'll jump up, he is more than capable of handling an S, or even an SS, what's a C to him," the Hokage said, then motioning to the Anbu, "Send Tazuna in."

In walked a old drunk, the smell of booze was overwhelming but not overly suffocating.

"I'm paying good money! I expected more than just a bunch of kids," the old drunk said.

"I assure you, sir, I and my team are more than enough to protect you from the monsters this world has to offer, not that you'll have to be worrying about any monsters," Naruto said.

Naruto then faced his team.

"Meet at the main gate tomorrow morning at nine, come prepared for war," Naruto instructed.

Before heading for the gate the next morning, Naruto made his way to Madara's place to gather the gear for the mission, as well as the gear for his cute little students.

Madara laid out a number of gizmos and gadgets, thingamabobs and dohickies, out on the table infront of Naruto. One of the things that Madara was going to give to Naruto was a storage scroll, but what made it unique were its contents, which was enough long range weapons to make a medium sized country jealous. Another thing was another scroll, this one containing all the ammunition that Naruto and company would be needing for the weapons to last for more than ten years. The next thing that Naruto was introduced to was a storage scroll holding frozen piranhas, these little fishies could turn a grown man to bone in less time than it took to blink, of course there would have to be a lot of them, but a single one could reduce a finger to bone in a blink of an eye, whom so ever released them from their frozen slumber would be their master for all time, that and whom so ever Madara deemed worthy, so the point was moot, and Naruto was their master. Next up on the list was another spray bottle, this one was filled with a solution that when sprayed on an inanimate object would force it to change shape and come to life, in short it would make golems. The final thing that Madara handed over to Naruto was another storage scroll, this one containing two things, or two kinds of things, one category being things that might come in handy, each with instructions, the other things was gold, silver, and rocks, in short internationally accepted currency. With those things in another storage scroll, all sealed up, Naruto bid his teacher goodbye, and left for the gate, to where his students and their client were waiting, or just arriving.

On the way to Wave the genin were tense, waiting for any sign of danger, they had all heard stories about what went on in a mission that had their sensei as a part of it. Their client and his bandit problems were the least of their worries. When they spotted a puddle at the side of the trail they were walking on, they prepared themselves for an ambush, what they got was not what they were waiting for.

"Get outta there, you idjits!" Naruto shouted at the puddle.

Out of the puddle on the side of the path came two nin, the Demon Brothers.

"Yo, Captain! How ya been?" Gozu asked.

"Yeah Cap'n!" Meizu asked.

"So..Gato sunk his teeth in Wave I take it," Naruto said.

"Yeah, originally we were supposed to off that old drunk, but seeing you on this mission, we'll come help, we'll be having a war on our hands soon enough, should the Sea Dogs find out that you'll be near water again, they'll come a calling and come a killing for you," Gozu said.

"Good, I knew this mission was gonna be interesting, go ahead and tell Zabuza to fetch Kisame, we'll have a ball, a bridge to build and round two to fight and win," Naruto said.

"Hai," the brothers said and vanished in swirls of water.

"So Tazuna, didn't think I didn't know about Gato did you?" Naruto said as he faced the client.

"Sensei, you knew that this was more than a C?" Hinata asked.

"Course I did, if I didn't I wouldn't have taken the mission, now don't start thinking about heading back for some reinforcements, cause those two subordinates of mine are gonna be gathering all the reinforcements that we'll be needing," Naruto stated.

"Shouldn't we at least inform the Hokage about these developments, sensei?" Shino asked.

"Nah, no need to worry him too much, we're more than enough to handle this," Naruto said.

"So..we get to fight nuke-nin, and the like?" Kiba asked.

"Nuke-nin are the least of your worries," Naruto said, "There are things out there that are out to get my head, so you guys being my students are automatically in the books as at least B-class, even though your skills aren't really up there yet. Tazuna, I promise you, Wave will not fall, and your bridge will have a place in the history books."

"O-okay, just get me home, help me finish my bridge, and yeah, let's just go," Tazuna said, slightly overwhelmed by what he had heard.

When the group reached the Land of Wave, Naruto left fifty clones to guard Tazuna and his family, he then had his genin follow him to the bridge, they were to set up the defense of Wave with all the seige machines that Naruto had at his disposal, all ready for battle, or otherwise simply good to go. Naruto loosed the piranhas into the waters, those little buggers didn't need to eat much, they just needed to feed at least once a year, so Naruto had them go hunt a dying whale to sate whatever hunger they had.

Once all the machines were set up, Naruto and his team left a few clones of themselves just in case trouble arrived while they were gone. Walking back to Tazuna's house, the four were joined by the Demon Brothers, Kisame, Zabuza, Haku, and the captain of Naruto's other ships. They filled him in on some new intel, Gato was dead, killed by his own son out of greed. There truly was going to be a war on their hands, the enemy had allied itself, or rather had taken over the dregs of the seas, and claimed them as his own, it truly was going to be Round Two. After hearing of Naruto's fleet of ships amassing themselves around the Land of Wave, Gato's son, also named Gato, didn't plan on directly attacking the bridge or halting its construction, he planned on taking the whole country for himself. Meaning Naruto had set up defenses on the wrong side of the island. He and his men and students needed to move fast, the enemy would be attacking the eastern portion of the island first, they needed to move everything as quickly as possible, while still leaving some people and arms behind to defend from an attack on from the west.

Construction of the bridge needed to be sped up due to the new information. Forts, blockades and walls would have to be erected in record time, to insure that nothing really bad happened to the Land of Waves. Naruto's fleet had grown in number, there were now close to five hundred ships all in all, they came in different makes and sizes as well, all serving different purposes, but all of them armed to the teeth and ready for battle.

Naruto decided to leave the naval battle to his captains, while he took charge of the defense of the island nation. He would lead, but from land, while his captains and first mate would receive orders through radio.

The day before he knew that all the fighting would begin, he informed his students that there was no backing out any longer, the choice was simple, fight and live, or cower and die. They chose to live, and took up positions, alongside their clones, they too were armed, and ready for battle.


End file.
